I'm a little teapot

I lost part of last Wednesday.

No I don't believe it. The US government did not rape and torture children to create brainwashed CIA agents and high level prostitutes, I mean really? You believe that? From what I understand it ended in 1964 and was actually carried out by universities to test various drugs on peoples minds. But hey keep living the fantasy.

Nothing too interesting in it, just me whining :)

May i ask you, what has caused the memories to return or/and has there always been some doubt back in your mind?

That's kind of the point isn't it? The best victims are those that can't be believed.
I'm not here to be validated. I don't want on a radio show. I'm here to work through the pain.

There was always doubt. I asked the adults in my life over the years and they would come up with ridiculous stories to explain it away.

1) Then I got to somewhere I felt safe(r) enough to explore. I was honestly too scared to before.
2) Someone from my life growing up plain told me mk ultra was involved.
3) I found evidence in my own documents connecting me to mk and also disconnecting me from the people that had claimed to be my family (which confirmed my memories). I confirmed both through further research.
4) I started working on digging up things by starting with what I did remember and then following the leads in.
5) My brain now feels like some sort of in shock highly educated mush. No, that last bit doesn't need to make sense.

....

buy a dictaphone, put it in your pocket and start recording when you're among people.

You are what you do with what has been done to you.

Remember these things now only exist in your mind. Your own personal hell, if you let it live your life with you.

Remember in The Matrix, when they are driving and Neo points to the place with good noodles, then realizes it wasn't 'real'.

It was then. It isn't now.

Only you can tell your self who you are.

Courage, Wisdom, & Power are your birthright.
Kick ass.

The reason so many, and the number is MANY, stay locked up in their minds, not awakening to the horrors of the programing systems, that are in place, is that it is hard to imagine "humans" could do "this" to other humans, many being just babies.

It's horrific. I know. I would not let myself forget.

Writing it out helps us, and it helps others like us. It can help no one that doesn't want to understand. Too many keep the secret from themselves and others because these things are too weird, and nightmareish, like a second rate spy novel.

In the end, it turns against those that felt they were of special blood giving them the right to torment, torture, and transinduce, those of us whom didn't sign up for it.

My Dad was told that he was working for the mafia, and that he should bring his child in on the train so no one would be suspicious of him. That his child could stay at a safe place while he did his thing. His thing would be to watch this or that and make pointless reports back. What he was really being paid for was ME.

My Dad, Mom, brothers/sisters, were and many relitives were all part of some screwed up shit. This had something to do with the Catholic Chuch in association to Jesuits and Masons. As i understand it was slavery, to build nations, and manipulation of natural psychic abilities inherent in my bloodline.

The worst thing to ever happen to me was a "play", they'd put someone like me, a very young child, in a room with old men, that would then channel, Archons, or what ever you want to call them, demons, fallen angels, to interact with me. I was bait so they could learn things. I was raped, and beaten and tormented, tortued, and they tryed to make me into "one of them". Them are human husks that archons use to interact with this planet and its people.

Thanks for answering!

Reason i ask is i have doubts too, but no clues at all. Also your (and others) posts reminded me of my personality, not memories

The strange feeling of having no real control over my life, the decisions are made by others.

One of the posts of ArmchairObserver on the first page I found very interesting, as it relates to me quite well: Being an encyclopedia like computer human, needing to get more input, wanting to observe.

Anyways, i'm probably just a fucked up person. But the doubt is there.

BTW: My Dad disclosed himself as not my biological dad when i was 18, had quite the cold relationship to me, unlike to my sister.
Anyone reading this: If your kid is that old and you never told him, DON'T FFS, IT'S TOO LATE!!! YOU WILL FUCK YOUR KID UP!!!


Again, thanks for this thread, certainly one of the few diamonds on here. Sorry for being of no help.

Also, just throwing this out here:
I fuck up everything i do, hence the feeling of my life not being controlled by me but by others trying to keep me down.

Yes, crazy. I know.

And sorry if my posts seem ridiculous to what has happened to you (and others ITT). But i know something's wrong.
One more thing to note: Went to Elite school for intelligent people (Latin as first language, then English, then Ancient Greek) but cancelled it after 9th grade (after learning anarchist philosophy).
School was in West-Berlin, many rich kids. I was from East-Berlin (the only one oO), quite poor.

Related? Probably not, but i had the strong urge to share this too.

Who are these people? Why do they do this to others? What is the objective?

Went to Elite school for intelligent people (Latin as first language, then English, then Ancient Greek)

School was in West-Berlin, many rich kids.

Yeah, the alien bit I chose to selectively ignore. It's not that I don't believe that outsiders can exist, I'm just not ready to hear weird stories about them.

But the first half...Jesus. So much stuff was similar to my experience that it was creepy.
Stuff like:

a) We're from the same year essentially.

b) He too isn't sure of his age (notice he says "4 or 5" "8 or 9" etc a lot. I do that too because my actual age and the age on my birth certificate are a year apart roughly.

c) One of my earliest memories is of being kidnapped from a facility (I call it a research hospital), which I could never fully understand, because I still grew up in similar stuff, so I wasn't exactly being saved apparently? But he has the same story of being kidnapped from one facility only to end up being raised by people still involved in it...he blames it on factions fighting...sounds as plausible as anything.

d) The blurring out faces. I was taught to do that. You said he mentioned that too?

e) The being raised by a family involved in alphabet agency stuff and inventing for military/alphabet agency stuff. If you change "step dad" in his story to "grandfather" in mine, and MI5/6 to CIA, we've got a match.

f) This is just silly, but one of his stories ends in "and I found myself half a mile away on the beach not sure of how I got there". Those are the EXACT words from one of my stories (but without the assassin part).

g) International abduction/travel as a small child.

And other little things. It's damn near creepy.

[link to www.goethe-gymnasium-berlin.cidsnet.de]

Control?
A pay cheque?
An out of control military spending budget?
Hate?
Anger?
A warped sense of what is right and wrong?
Distortion due to power?

The woman that raised me..I never knew what she was truly for, who she was on the inside.
All I knew was that she practically drooled at the word "sabotage" and that it seemed to be her favourite thing to do in the world.

They're just ill as far as I can tell.

schooling is not done in latin, you just have latin classes early on. big deal...

either i misinterpreted 'first language', or you did. dunno...

We're all fucked up in one way or another. We're all in the same f'ed up game no matter if the poison was done hands on or from afar.

I say if you have doubt there's a reason, whatever it may turn out to be. The first thing you need to learn is to trust yourself. That was the hardest for me because my reality never matched the lies I kept getting told and I wanted to please the liars and warp reality until it matched what they wanted me to believe it to be.

That's a pretty clear indication of duality.

I went to an ivy league university and lived in the ghetto. Stranger things have happened. Maybe sometimes they need intelligent expendables. It's all turned me into a bit of a pessimist if you can't tell lol.

If you don't realize, that you are bullshitted 24/7 by nefarious forces, than YOU are into this "mk ultra shit" and this is the resolution. :)

Being aware of being manipulated unfortunately doesn't mean you can stop it. Not even talking about MK ULTRA, but the general bullshit we get to hear everyday.