I have this anger deep inside of me

one hour i want to do something, the next hour i say whatever no one cares anyways at least I'm alive and communing with god...

and then another hour i should go do something..

up and down up and down

bi-polar

Move, walk the earth and do good deeds. Take a flute.

Feeling you OP.

Hang in there brother.

Put on a mask and a cape and go out and fight injustice.

not to mention all the "mentally ill" patience who have been lobotomized in the last 50 years....

but i must admit care is better now but still...

OR

how people claim USA is a christian nation, and yet.. we openly go to war...

G W bush claimed to be a christian, but he invaded iraq....

serve in the military and follow jesus? how can you pull the trigger?

... turn the other cheek...

live by sword die by sword...

Patience is with The Lord.

*patients.

thats funny because i wrote patience but meant patients and when i re-read it i only read the word "patience".. and was like.. got it.

Keep doing. Keep busy. Keep working, there's always stuff to do. Being busy makes the bad feelings fade.

At least Buddha doesn't send you to hell for your failings in this life. :)

the stuff i used to do to keep my busy doesn't do the same for me anymore.. i want to express myself artistically but now my values have changed and I'm at a crossroads with how to proceed forward

LOL

not to mention all these false prophets EVERYWHERE....

last part was a lil harsh.. most pastors try their best? i guess?

And forget about Bush. Many claim Chritianity, but are nothing of the sort.

Hiltler claimed to be a Christian.
Obama has claimed to be a Christian.

Lip service does not equal true service.

Get to point where you're extremely poor and destitute. Live like that for several years. Then get a job, bury yourself in your work. Be happy that you no longer have to worry about starving.

Worked for me. Also sex, you need lots of sex...or a fleshlight.

smoke a bowl and rethink things.

at this rate you'll be in a clocktower with a rifle.

HAHA Like the cigarette in Vader's mouth, man.

You even made it reflect onto the helmet.

Yeah, we don't need that right now.

If you must go the clock tower route, use a hand gun.

Or better yet a musket.

pretty sweet huh? i cant take credit for it though....Dr Acula did it [link to www.godlikeproductions.com]

he has a thread going in the member forum where he will customize our avatars if we want. same dude that did all the santa hats.

I feel moved to say something that will help but don't know what to say :)

Some of what you are going through sounds like what I went through. Seeing through so many of the world's illusions, realizing my trust in agencies, governments and authorities has been betrayed...well, the first responses were depression and anger, in whichever order.

One can no longer hold the same belief systems; and yet there isn't any firm belief system (or value sytem) to replace it with.

I don't agree with always "keeping busy", only if that's a way to keep ignoring what's going on in your life. I think few of us were ever given time or inclination to ponder who and what we are, why we live our lives as we do.

So I've spent more time doing that. In doing it, I've changed many of my values. And in changing the values, I have come up with small goals for myself, which may or may not result in changes in our system. I have definitely changed many aspects of my lifestyle, way of viewing our world, and how I think.

Attacking consumerism is one of my goals. No longer living up to others' more inane expectations is another. I'm not going to go into details here, for everyone's path is different and everyone's solutions will be different.

Just wanted to say I feel for you, you are on a new and unfomfortable journey, and I wish you the best of luck in finding your own peace among the illusions. It's there! But it does seem the anger and restlessness is a necessary first step in all this.

Relax, have a burger and look at this pic of a dog fucking a cat:

Dont base yourself off of everybody else's way of life. You should only worry about yourself. These people walking around thinking that are living free and a great life by buying fancy cars and clothes is nothing but creations of a brainwashed and domesticated society. Those of us who see the world for what it really is, was given a gift. We were given a gift to see the world in chaos. This can be considered a curse as well. But we are different. Embrace being nothing like these locus walking around. Use it for good, and dont let it get to you. Anger will destroy yourself. You need positivity in your life. Its not always about doom and gloom. Life is what YOU MAKE IT.

OP I can relate. I went thru something like this. It really comes down to loving yourself. It goes deeper than most may think. I used to be fed up emotionally with all the nonsense out in the world, but i have come to understand that's the matrix/the game that I/we chose to come into. Detach from all that does not serve you. Is it beneficial or detrimental? Ask yourself these questions as you go thru your day. That will help you find what you really want and what doesn't work for you. By seeing what you don't like it allows you to see what you would like. Master your mind and emotions. Dive into your past conditioning, habits, and belief systems. Do a "defrag" on your brain. Eating vegan most definitely helps with clarity and gets rid of the impulsitivity and all the toxins stored up from all the bad food, meats, dairy, and other things with 50+ INgredients..

The key is to OVERstand this reality. Love yourself which allows you to do so, and be at peace and content with living. Look at the animals and the birds, they aren't fed up with mcdonalds and materials.. they just BE, and are content with simply LIVING and BEING. Look at all the good things you have RIGHT NOW at this given moment, your unique personality and looks, your preferences and hobbies. Will you rise up and wise up or fall to be a servant of these lowly energies? I used to get pissed too, still can of course, but don't take it too seriously either. Your floating on a planet, its just one short scene of your whole soul's life where you and 7 billion others signed up to be on Planet Earth at the time, to experience and learn. Our ego always wants to be distracted, its the child, and is always reaching and looking externally for DISTRACTIONS. The inner world creates the outer world. Everything is subjective and up to perception. Love yourself, and no its not narcissistic, it's only so when one is in a low state of awareness/common sense.

vent it on the nearest pig with a badge?

it's what the buddha would have done!

Sounds like another soldier, who has realized the betrayal.

I know that feeling so well, and was paralyzed from trying to understand the molding of my childhood to seeing first hand the truth.

I have spent years of my life, not sure if wasted but deffinatly phisically stagnant, trying to find peace in my heart.

Family members who believe the news, and the words of authority that braught me to my knees, have shunned me for expressing thoughts they think are Anti-American. I served my country, And have the right to my thought to seek truth.

Yet, we must do it alone. I found God, and realized he blesses me everyday. How to live with it as a functionality is where I am now. I dont know how to, because this society punishes you for it. If you do not revel in the greed and desire for ego superiority, you are considered a broken, mentally ill person. Drives me insane just for that reason and nothing else.

I grow older, and hopefully wiser. someday I will be able to live in my own skin, and not feel ashamed of it.

Best of luck on your quest. It is hard, but nessicery for your soul. And remember you are not alone in this mind set, but in the journey.

im printing out the bold part and putting it above my bed!

thanks!

thats funny because i was meditating and being inclined to consider being a vegan, i have recently turned vegetarian over last 2 years.. (on and off)... but i went to eat today and thought no, no cheese .. but alas, i made coffee and put milk in it :(

but alas... i must move forward. put away childish things.. etc..