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Dr. AculaModerator  (OP)
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I like being an AC, but you inspired me to write this gem. So... Here it goes.

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34935931


thanks for sharing :)

cheers
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03/03/2013 03:34 PM

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Thanks to those of you that quoted/liked my entry. :-) Whether I win or not, it's good to know at least some of you got a kick out of it.

I'd better get back to my Anasazi cave... heh
"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people." --- Carl Jung
Folks
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03/03/2013 03:42 PM
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I like being an AC, but you inspired me to write this gem. So... Here it goes.


I ain’t ever seen a naked man before. That is until last 4th of July when the old man across the road came running out his house, in the buck, hollering about how he just shot an alien creeping in his kitchen. He has always been a little crazy, and had been known for hanging around in nothing but his skivvies or some old waders.

He liked to sit on his porch, brandishing that Remington 1740, eyeing the middle schoolers as they stepped off the buss. He never did no harm, none. Maybe a little cussing now and then, but he’d shut right up when their parents would make a fuss. He’d stair out his front window for hours waiting for that bus’s yellow tint to peak through the corn. We all just thought he was lonely.

You may ask your self, “What does that have to do with him shooting an alien?” Well it don’t. I just thought it’d give you a better sense of who he was, you see, he was an ornery cuss most the time. Not known for showing signs of trepidation. But that morning, boy I tell you, he squealed like a sally getting poked by a rhino.

I looked out just in time to see him haul ass across the road. He was already on my porch when I got to the door, standing there shivering like some shriveled hopped up tweaker. “I just shot a goddamn alien!” he muttered. I yelled to my wife to get him a blanket and we sat and had a cup of coffee while we waited for the police.

The police searched for hours and didn’t find a goddamn thing. Needless to say, he felt a little shamed as he walked back home draped in that old afghan with his head held low. He’s just lonely, is all.

hiding
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34935931


what an interestingly odd story! You cant just so easily make stuff like that up . this sounds real as hell and just so damn realistically unusually simply saying it sounds like the beginning of a really good movie you should write a book out of it with the true part of it being the core of the story of course and then just go crazy with the rest of the story using imagination to make the rest to the end I would read that book and watch it if it were made into a movie.
WindyMind

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03/03/2013 03:45 PM
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I'll take Johns story off. it's unconventional, no grammer or spelling. just a story I liked. Way too long, how can someone type that much with 2 finger typing?
Anonymous Coward
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03/03/2013 03:55 PM
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I like being an AC, but you inspired me to write this gem. So... Here it goes.


I ain’t ever seen a naked man before. That is until last 4th of July when the old man across the road came running out his house, in the buck, hollering about how he just shot an alien creeping in his kitchen. He has always been a little crazy, and had been known for hanging around in nothing but his skivvies or some old waders.

He liked to sit on his porch, brandishing that Remington 1740, eyeing the middle schoolers as they stepped off the buss. He never did no harm, none. Maybe a little cussing now and then, but he’d shut right up when their parents would make a fuss. He’d stair out his front window for hours waiting for that bus’s yellow tint to peak through the corn. We all just thought he was lonely.

You may ask your self, “What does that have to do with him shooting an alien?” Well it don’t. I just thought it’d give you a better sense of who he was, you see, he was an ornery cuss most the time. Not known for showing signs of trepidation. But that morning, boy I tell you, he squealed like a sally getting poked by a rhino.

I looked out just in time to see him haul ass across the road. He was already on my porch when I got to the door, standing there shivering like some shriveled hopped up tweaker. “I just shot a goddamn alien!” he muttered. I yelled to my wife to get him a blanket and we sat and had a cup of coffee while we waited for the police.

The police searched for hours and didn’t find a goddamn thing. Needless to say, he felt a little shamed as he walked back home draped in that old afghan with his head held low. He’s just lonely, is all.

hiding
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34935931


what an interestingly odd story! You cant just so easily make stuff like that up . this sounds real as hell and just so damn realistically unusually simply saying it sounds like the beginning of a really good movie you should write a book out of it with the true part of it being the core of the story of course and then just go crazy with the rest of the story using imagination to make the rest to the end I would read that book and watch it if it were made into a movie.
 Quoting: Folks 726900


well thanks... I did actually just make it up an hour or so a go. I may be a "ringer" though. SmileyWink
Isis One

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I live in a mental facility (funny farm, cuckoo's nest, booby hatch, you get the idea) in northern Ont. There's nothing to do here but play cards, watch tv or surf the web. One of the homies turned me onto glp before Christmas. About a month ago, nurse ratched thought me and few of the other nutters were spending too much of the center's bandwidth on glp and pulled the plug. Fortunately we have a fellow patient with an iq up in the stratosphere. This guy is so smart that when he looks at you, you feel he's reducing you to a mathematical equation. He tears apart a gameboy and an old "stupid" cell phone and makes us a crude but working internet device. I have no idea how he was able to accomplish this feat and for all intense & purposes, an "impossibility" on the scale of constructing a DSLR camera out of a carpenter's tape. The screen was too small for us all to view so our boy wonder gets the "snatch" (resident thief) to steal nurse ratched's magnifying glass and a compact mirror to make a projection device that pretty much give us the same screen dimensions as a 27" monitor. We could only view the projection at night when all the orderlies were sleeping or watching tv. The device was hidden in an empty soda cracker box with a hole cut out of it for the magnifying glass. For the past 3 weeks now, we've been tuning into glp Via our "cracker boy". A few nights ago we were even able to get onto voice chat. We wanted to checkout "Astromut" but all we heard were people talking about "anal leakage" and all that good stuff.

DON'T BELIEVE A DAMN WORD YOU READ IN THIS POST!
 Quoting: TCS


That was awesome, had me drawn right in, couple other goods one before this too.
Spread the word, change the collective conscious......
THERE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH OF EVERYTHING TO GO AROUND

When you are undisciplined, the universe is extremely forgiving and when you are disciplined, the universe is extremely generous. Me

One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight, for a very long time, of the shore. Andre Gide
[link to www.godlikeproductions.com]
Anonymous Coward
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03/03/2013 04:08 PM
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I like being an AC, but you inspired me to write this gem. So... Here it goes.


I ain’t ever seen a naked man before. That is until last 4th of July when the old man across the road came running out his house, in the buck, hollering about how he just shot an alien creeping in his kitchen. He has always been a little crazy, and had been known for hanging around in nothing but his skivvies or some old waders.

He liked to sit on his porch, brandishing that Remington 1740, eyeing the middle schoolers as they stepped off the buss. He never did no harm, none. Maybe a little cussing now and then, but he’d shut right up when their parents would make a fuss. He’d stair out his front window for hours waiting for that bus’s yellow tint to peak through the corn. We all just thought he was lonely.

You may ask your self, “What does that have to do with him shooting an alien?” Well it don’t. I just thought it’d give you a better sense of who he was, you see, he was an ornery cuss most the time. Not known for showing signs of trepidation. But that morning, boy I tell you, he squealed like a sally getting poked by a rhino.

I looked out just in time to see him haul ass across the road. He was already on my porch when I got to the door, standing there shivering like some shriveled hopped up tweaker. “I just shot a goddamn alien!” he muttered. I yelled to my wife to get him a blanket and we sat and had a cup of coffee while we waited for the police.

The police searched for hours and didn’t find a goddamn thing. Needless to say, he felt a little shamed as he walked back home draped in that old afghan with his head held low. He’s just lonely, is all.

hiding
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34935931


what an interestingly odd story! You cant just so easily make stuff like that up . this sounds real as hell and just so damn realistically unusually simply saying it sounds like the beginning of a really good movie you should write a book out of it with the true part of it being the core of the story of course and then just go crazy with the rest of the story using imagination to make the rest to the end I would read that book and watch it if it were made into a movie.
 Quoting: Folks 726900


well thanks... I did actually just make it up an hour or so a go. I may be a "ringer" though. SmileyWink
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34935931


What is the name of your book? I like your methodical descriptions.
CalmShock

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03/03/2013 04:12 PM
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once upon a no
Patience is a virtue I just can't wait to achieve - CalmShock
Shoot straight Johnny

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03/03/2013 04:14 PM
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How long until you announce the winners, OP AAq

I will only be on for 2 more hours before I go to bed, so the runner up person that I said I will upgrade will maybe have to wait until tomorrow. Anyway, let me know asap. Thanks.
The chariots of God are tens of thousands, and thousands of thousands.
Rorschach

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03/03/2013 04:19 PM
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once upon a no
 Quoting: CalmShock


winningwinning
Dr. AculaModerator  (OP)
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03/03/2013 04:25 PM

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How long until you announce the winners, OP AAq

I will only be on for 2 more hours before I go to bed, so the runner up person that I said I will upgrade will maybe have to wait until tomorrow. Anyway, let me know asap. Thanks.
 Quoting: Shoot straight Johnny


well it isnt over until an hour and a half more.

And then the winner wont be announced just yet...

its one of those dragged out things lol

I appreciate your offer, get ya some rest and tomorrow we'll sort it all out cheerS
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Shoot straight Johnny

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03/03/2013 04:27 PM
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Cheers, Doc.
The chariots of God are tens of thousands, and thousands of thousands.
Azeratel Axo

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03/03/2013 04:30 PM
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Dunno...I might decide to write a story about the hermaphrodite of scars..
 Quoting: Shoot straight Johnny


1rof1
JennOfArc

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03/03/2013 04:31 PM
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Haven't got the time to write a story but I'll trade you a backroads tour of KY in an exotic car of your choice, for a quick uprade. :)

Last Edited by JennOfArc on 03/03/2013 04:54 PM
Dr. AculaModerator  (OP)
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03/03/2013 04:33 PM

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Haven't got the time to write a story but I'll trade you a backroads tour of KY in a Ferrari, for a quick uprade. :)
 Quoting: JennOfArc


...are you gonna drive me around for an upgrade? ;)


cheers

Last Edited by Dr. Acula on 03/03/2013 04:34 PM
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"Invasive fibrocistic anomaly".
Those three words made my blood run cold.

I knew there was something wrong, really wrong, when that itch started and wouldn't stop. Creams, anti-histamines, steroid injections, nothing helped. It kept spreading, getting worse, driving me mad.

The first time I went to the doctor, he said it was "psychosomatic", that I was making it up! Right, like I would invent an itch that won't go away. I may be paranoid, but I'm not crazy. So I went home and logged into GLP. I found something. A description of a mysterious ailment that was inexplicable and almost alien in nature...

"Morgellons".

I saw my doctor again the following week and told him about Morgellons. He laughed and gave me a prescription for SSRIs!

That was 2 weeks ago. I just got back from an alternative treatment facility in Sweden. The condition is terminal.

"Invasive fibrocistic anomaly".
JennOfArc

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Yeah, I've seen most of em' too, good times.
Rorschach

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Haven't got the time to write a story but I'll trade you a backroads tour of KY in an exotic car of your choice , for a quick uprade. :)
 Quoting: JennOfArc


That sounds so dirty.
JennOfArc

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03/03/2013 04:35 PM
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Haven't got the time to write a story but I'll trade you a backroads tour of KY in a Ferrari, for a quick uprade. :)
 Quoting: JennOfArc


...are you gonna drive me around for an upgrade? ;)


cheers
 Quoting: Dr. Acula


Yes. :)
Dr. AculaModerator  (OP)
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Haven't got the time to write a story but I'll trade you a backroads tour of KY in a Ferrari, for a quick uprade. :)
 Quoting: JennOfArc


...are you gonna drive me around for an upgrade? ;)


cheers
 Quoting: Dr. Acula


Yes. :)
 Quoting: JennOfArc





wonder how much my wife would like that?

hmm

lol

Last Edited by Dr. Acula on 03/03/2013 04:37 PM
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Azeratel Axo

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Well, I haven't got a story, but...

Does 350+ pages of what is largely the musings of a babbling schizophrenic count for anything? 1rof1

Hmmm...?

[link to youtu.be]

Floor is yours, Nobody...

...
 Quoting: pi


lmao

Only joking, I karma upgraded yesterday. Cheers, Doc! cheer
JennOfArc

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03/03/2013 04:38 PM
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wonder how much my wife would like that?

hmm

lol
 Quoting: Dr. Acula


Well.. to be PC, she could ride with me, and you could ride ride with my husband.
flatbed

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03/03/2013 04:38 PM
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True GLP story from waaay back.

My usual avatar has always been Flatbed. Back in the early 2000's, a consortium of GLP scaries tried to scare the beejesus out of me. Flame, Nightmare and OK were always posting cryptic threads. I could never understand them. So, I guess to pick on my naievete, they got together to scare me senseless. They warned me that I was being remote viewed by some RV'er. They said he was from the dark side and had evil intents towards me. That was enough to keep me off GLP for a good long while. I began to feel eyes on me all around my house, I was afraid they were following me room to room. I hated to go to the bathroom and showering was frightening. Then a thread was posted, "Have you seen Flatbed shower?" Oh my God, this was getting beyond the point of reason. I never knew if I actually believed in Remote Viewing, but this was really getting creepy. I stayed away for about six months.

Last Edited by flatbed on 03/03/2013 04:41 PM
Azeratel Axo

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Haven't got the time to write a story but I'll trade you a backroads tour of KY in an exotic car of your choice , for a quick uprade. :)
 Quoting: JennOfArc


That sounds so dirty.
 Quoting: Rorschach


I added a bit of bold to this.

chuckle
MHz

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03/03/2013 04:49 PM
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1 month(s) is singular, not plural. Just sayin, .....
Anonymous Coward
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03/03/2013 04:49 PM
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"The last humans exist in a spaceship. Not just any spaceship, but the sole remaining human construct in a dying universe. The ship, a light speed capable interstellar cargo transport is on the run. Fleeing with 600,000 remaining souls. Fleeing from dissolution, nothingness, the absolute final extinction of all.

Time is meaningless at the speed of light. A decent guess, if they cared to make one, of how long they have been on the move is 10 million time units, or standard earth years. For the first seeming infinity, they debated the cause. Some said the higgs-boson had decayed causing bubble of nothingness to spring forth at the speed of light, returning the universe to the nothingness from which it sprang. Others thought it was the result of the solar system hadron collider unraveling the fabric of space time. The few religious believed it was the supreme beings ultimate wroth with mankind. Eventually, it no longer mattered, they all lived in a state of never ending terror, at the eventual oblivion.

The second seeming infinity was used in endless debate. Debate on how to repair the universe. Debate on how to escape into a different universe, and debate on if they should simply embrace the void. The final solution was an old earth concept of virtual reality. All remaining beings are cycled through the never ending computer simulation. The infinity in an infinity. It was thought experiencing thousands of lifetimes of loss and death would help us accept the nothingness.

The final infinity is our own, you and I, or at least a 599,999 of you and I, inhabit this plane, aboard our ship, fleeing moments ahead of the destructive wave. To keep us entertained, forever, we draw ideas from the last database of free human thought, an ancient website called GLP."



299 words.
Isis One

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03/03/2013 04:51 PM

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The Land of Emerald Green

I remember GLP before the ban of free green love. Sundays were the best! The lovers and givers of GLP all somehow found their way to hallowed rooms of green. Green love would flow in from all the corners of the Universe, from the known and unknown. As each one's plate was filled, so they would fill the plates of their brothers and sisters, willingly, gladly. Like royalty they bequeathed their precious green with nary a worry about the loss as they lived in a mystical land of eternal replenishment.

The pleasure taken in the abundance of green love was evidenced by the happy, smiling comradery of a tribe known far and wide for their benevolence. All knew where to turn and who to ask for help with healing from the spiritual disease of red thumb. By simple notice set forth by the afflicted, the red plague would be besieged and love again flowed through the lands. Good conquered evil here for one and all.

Who among the green tribe knew of plans behind the scenes to eradicate their dynasty? In their innocence, not a one, such that on that posthumous day of green love armegeddon, the tribe lay itself down peacefully, knowing their time there was past. Today in GLP land the once abundant fertile green love is doled out in sparser fashion, having to be earned as if love can be quantified. If you are lucky though and know where to look, the essence of the green love tribe remains within the hearts and minds of many still here. Those who know that to give love brings love.

The End

Last Edited by Isis One on 03/03/2013 04:54 PM
Spread the word, change the collective conscious......
THERE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH OF EVERYTHING TO GO AROUND

When you are undisciplined, the universe is extremely forgiving and when you are disciplined, the universe is extremely generous. Me

One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight, for a very long time, of the shore. Andre Gide
[link to www.godlikeproductions.com]
MHz

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03/03/2013 04:55 PM
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Haven't got the time to write a story but I'll trade you a backroads tour of KY in an exotic car of your choice , for a quick uprade. :)
 Quoting: JennOfArc


That sounds so dirty.
 Quoting: Rorschach


I added a bit of bold to this.

chuckle
 Quoting: Azeratel Axo

You would have more fun on a buckboard hauling some hay behind a horse that knows the trails.
Isis One

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03/03/2013 05:02 PM

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True GLP story from waaay back.

My usual avatar has always been Flatbed. Back in the early 2000's, a consortium of GLP scaries tried to scare the beejesus out of me. Flame, Nightmare and OK were always posting cryptic threads. I could never understand them. So, I guess to pick on my naievete, they got together to scare me senseless. They warned me that I was being remote viewed by some RV'er. They said he was from the dark side and had evil intents towards me. That was enough to keep me off GLP for a good long while. I began to feel eyes on me all around my house, I was afraid they were following me room to room. I hated to go to the bathroom and showering was frightening. Then a thread was posted, "Have you seen Flatbed shower?" Oh my God, this was getting beyond the point of reason. I never knew if I actually believed in Remote Viewing, but this was really getting creepy. I stayed away for about six months.
 Quoting: flatbed


Excellent, could do a whole book on this.
Spread the word, change the collective conscious......
THERE IS MORE THAN ENOUGH OF EVERYTHING TO GO AROUND

When you are undisciplined, the universe is extremely forgiving and when you are disciplined, the universe is extremely generous. Me

One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight, for a very long time, of the shore. Andre Gide
[link to www.godlikeproductions.com]
Rorschach

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At 4:50 est. I took the LoP offline
 Quoting: From67 35423855


cruise





GLP