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REPLY TO THREAD
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BREAKING: My farts have gone nuclear - first plate of beans consumed.
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Original Message
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"Last week, tensions in the bowels of Expertofsound on the colon border and Strait of Anuse have caused bean prices to spike across the nation. Now, it has been revealed that president Fartlot Obama is in on the action, and has been profiting off of the bean prices the entire time, by stockpiling them beforehand.
The president spoke earlier this week, with this statement:
"Now, I know the senior citizens are not happy about this, ok, they need to eat their beans or they will end up having to chug prune juice or face severe cramps and constipation, ok, and since my wife has problems in that area I know how they must feel, ok."
Among many complaints, there have been reports of "loud, almost thunder like" rumbling across the Canadian border.
Here is one spectator's report:
"It sounds kinda like a Harley Davidson, and it smells worse than the time that BP screwed up the gulf."
Fartlot Obama has claimed that "it is all Expertofsound's fault, he ate too many beans and we had to make them illegal because we can't have bottom blasters that could potentially cause structural damage to buildings, ok."
I am Christina Fartman, the ASSociated Press.
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