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im human, but i dont feel human.
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Original Message
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I know my limitations as a human being, but sometimes i feel like my mind is more free than most of human beings around me.
i dont hate humans, and i cant really hate anyone.
Where i want to get is: I am on my early 20's, and i have a very good maturity for my age. But in some ways people see me as more childish. But actually i dont feel childish.
When they call me Childish, its because i dont like the same Standart \ robotized pattern of stuff people normally like: Watching sports, living like a Sheep: morning wake up, go to work, dont question anything, do as youre told, and come home , have no fun, just live for your job.
I am studying philosophy in a university, and sometimes people say:
"Why are you in that course if it wont give you a good job?"
and then i say: "I Study what i like, and what i have more interest in knowing."
and then they start with rethoric discourses saying that if i want to be somebody in this life i have to have a good job, and a good degree in university.
Those same people, who enjoy being simple: Go to work in an office, in melancholic way, prisioners of a job. Believe in every story the TV tells them, and questionening nothing. And then i am the childish one, who doesnt like to use Age as a factor to limit myself.
Whats wrong with a guy having creativity, drawing compulsively surreal and fantasy art, and being labeled as weird; When the same people who label, are the people who are like photocopies of each one; Speak of the same subjects and stuff like that?
Cant a guy think today? cant a guy be free and have creativity?
Sometimes i feel like im kind of a next stage of human evolution, because i honestly feel like my way of thinking and seeing the world is different than anyone i ever knew.
i have a good sense of justiçe, i wont believe in a story just because somebody told me, i will seek proofs. But the other people around me are so easy to exploit, just tell them something about their girfriend, and they will believe, and not question.
When i hear a different opinion . I will respect them even if i totally disagree with it: Think of voltaire.
But if i expose my opinion to any people i know, if its different than their opinion, they want to cruxify me because i think for myself.
whats wrong with humanity? am i the only person in this country (portugal by the way) who thinks? what about other countries? bah.
some pros and cons:
Pros:
-Can get almost any girl i want;
-Can exploit easly some people that try to mess with me.
-Can be socially seen as a charismatic person with knowledge
cons:
-sometimes i feel alone inside, not in a social way, but in a intelectual way... i feel like nobody understands me, i am the only who understands the others and i am the only who "helps" them, and they try to help me when i need, but they cant, its hard to explain..
-I have lots of friends, but also lots of enemies, because i have my own view of the world, and normally people dont respect that.
-I Often feel alienated, but i disguise it very well , only my closest friends know more or less how i feel: I Feel somewhat far from their mindset, and then i say stuff that they dont undestand totally and they laught at me because they think im crazy... Except my closest friends because they undestand me better
more stuff about my humanity paradigm
-I Like to hang out with younger people 14-19, because they are not as much "Robotized" as people of my age. They go to their school, they have responsabilities, but they have fun, and dont take life so seriously like people from my age. and in this i am like the people i hang out with... I like to have fun, i dont feel confortable with the Idea of waking up in the morning to go to an office and stay inside the office a whole day gossiping about stupid things like Sports and gossips. I feel more like doing grafiti, writing texts and short stories, doing art, and studying. I plan to go living off grid once i get the oportunity, and i am going to make a small group of people to be a nomad and generate my own eletricity and food.
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