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Subject Silly story I wrote while drunk - Sniper Hero
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Original Message SNIPER HERO

sniper hero, the hidden man who hides and watches for danger.

1 scene, sees man at picnic table in park about to kill himself with a gun. As man points pistol towards his mouth, sniper hero shoots the man's hand causing the gun to drop. sniper hero is done here, he won't call an ambulance for the damaged-handed man,
for he must go on to save other. maybe the guy at the picnic table will try again with his 1 good hand, who knows or cares.

*about sniper hero, he escaped from a lab that did experiments on trying to create a superhuman. not much backstory except that he has an extremely uncannily steady hand, and certain drugs and implants have made his mind work much much faster, but only in intense life-threatening situations.

2 scene, peering through scope at grocery store, sees kid slip on wet floor from mopping, falling back about to slam his kid head onto a hard marble floor. sniper hero shoots the kids right ankle, causing his lower body to spin crazily like a windmill, thus redirecting the force from a headslam, to just a wounded kid being spun into cereal boxes.

*about sniper hero's perception. when in an intense scenario, time slows down for him as if he is the horrible actor keanu in the matrix. adapted to video, this would be a necessary special effect to create the action scenes where he must react quickly.

due to recent events, the media has learned through a mole in the police force, that there is a rogue shooter who is getting sick kicks off of harming people, not fatally, but dangerously and in a humiliating way.

the whole joke about sniper hero is that he almost always has to injure the person he's trying to save, yet he is mistaken by the public as a cruel villain.

3 scene, drunk driver about to hit a guy on a bicycle. sniper hero shoots out the drunk driver's tires. driver skids away from biker but now he's aimed at a puppy. quickly, sniper hero rethinks new situation and decides to shoot the tip of the puppy's tail, causing it to shriek. but it only moves to the left a bit. frustrated, sniper hero again quickly rethinks the situation, sees a guy sitting on a bench, who's foot is right next to the puppy. sniper hero shoot man's knee cap causing reaction to kick. the puppy is kicked hard, and with a yelp, flails through the air out of harms way. the drunk driver crashes into some bushes and everything is ok. some old lady in the background screams, "my bushes!"

4 scene, sniper hero is scouting out a restaurant, why? who knows. a man of heavier stature gobbles down his pork and corn too fast, and begins choking. before a qualified heimlich maneuver douche runs to the scene to save him, sniper hero shoots a hole in the man's throat, effectively giving him a tracheotomy. with the food parts still lodged somewhere in his fat neck, he is just able to breathe through the crude woundhole. although saved, there were better options here. bad call snipero.

5 scene, sniper hero is distraught from his last heroic endeavor. he is questioning his purpose and identity. he decides to put the gun down and pick up a bow and arrow. as soon as he does this, he realizes he was never trained for any such thing. so he goes to a river and throws the bow and arrow away. as he watches the carved woodstuff float on, he discovers some pretty mushrooms near a large tree trunk in the shade. since he is obviously hungry, and trying to deal with some serious shit from recent events, he seeks guidance from a higher power, as well as stomach fullness. he eats them feverishly.

6 scene, sitting like a yogi, sniper hero awaits his vision. he starts to feel a sharp pain in his right side. he thinks it might be his liver, and he's right. thinking he had eaten shamanic spirit food, he had actually ingested a poisonous variety of the mysterious fungus. he rushed himself to the hospital by running really far for a really long time, and just in time.

7 scene, hero of snipers wakes on a hospital bed with his mother staring deeply into his now opened eyes. She whoops and hollers at him in joy. he smiles, but as soon as he does, she slaps him hard across his pallid face. a doctor grabs her forcefully, and this triggers sniper hero's killer instinct. he lines up his sights and takes aim. but wait, he has no gun. the doctor and his mum forget the altercation and look at him, surprised. he realizes his ridiculous pose without a gun has irked them, so he slyly moves his hands behind his head, as if to relax nonchalantly, and purposefully all along.
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