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REPLY TO THREAD
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I'm engaged and he found out I had threesomes. What do I do now?
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Original Message
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I am really in a tight spot and I'm not sure what to do next.
A little over a year ago I met my now fiancé. When we met we clicked instantly and became an item right away. He is charming, intelligent, attractive, educated and an all around great guy. About four months ago, we moved in together and it's been great - we have similar interests and just really enjoy the time we spend together. I knew he was serious about me when he started talking about the future as "our future together." I can honestly say that I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
A couple of months into our relationship, we had a talk about our past boyfriends / girlfriends. He's 31 (I'm 28) and has had a few girlfriends; some serious, some not so serious but never just casual. I had absolutely no problem with any of that. I realized, however, that his "number" was lower than mine and that he has never tried any crazy stuff. Sooo... I didn't go into full details about my own past. In particular, I did not mention anything about my boyfriend before him. That boyfriend and I did not last long but right from the beginning, it was "anything goes." When we broke up romantically we remained friends and I've since introduced him to my fiancé as my "good friend."
My fiancé was accepting of what information I did divulge. I remember him asking me if there was anything in my past that could be an embarrassment in the future. I answered "no." Life together continued great and we got engaged last January.
When we first started dating, it was different with my fiancé because it took a while for us to become lovers. When we did, I discovered that he is great between the sheets! Even so, I have been a bit hesitant to let loose completely in the bedroom. He has suggested on numerous occasions that since he has found in me his true love, he would like for us to be more adventurous in bed. He wants to try stuff he has never tried with another woman. I have so far resisted even though what my fiancé wants is not really new to me - I had those experiences with my ex.
Fast forward to last week. We were at a party where many of our friends were present. Everyone had plenty to drink and loud conversations were everywhere. At one point we were talking with a couple, when my ex approached us. With him was a woman who was beyond drunk. When my ex introduced her to me, she responded, "oh he's (her guy, my ex) told me all about you. You're the chick he and his buddy had threesomes with."
I was stunned and my fiancé caught it. It took a few seconds before anyone said anything. Finally my ex said something like "don't be ridiculous "and guided her away. The other couple that was with us also moved away. My fiancé just looked at me and said let's go. In the car and at home there was no conversation.
The next day he asked me if it was true. I stammered and didn't really say anything coherent. In fact, it was true. With my ex had a small number of threesomes.
My fiancé says that I have deceived him and humiliated him. He feels terrible and he says it's worse since he figures all our friends now know as well. In the last week he has said that he wants to reconsider "us." Even though I told him all that was in the past and that I love him with all my heart, he still feels like he's been duped. He's also extremely angry that I hadn't wanted to experiment with him while I had "no problem" experimenting with the other guy.
When I asked him what I could do, he said he wants to know how many sexual partners I've had. He also wants to know all the stuff that I did with my ex and who the second guy in the threesomes was. He also said that he would like us to consider having a threesome with me and some girl so he can have an experience that I have had but he has not had. I'm not thrilled about having a threesome with my fiancé or "going crazy" with him - but if this will appease him, I would do it.
What do I do? He really is the real deal. I have dated enough losers and jerks in the past to recognize this. I don't want to lose him. He is the only man I have ever wanted to marry. I'm incredibly sorry that he was humiliated. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be so appreciated.
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