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Is life a game???
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Original Message
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If you guys bare with me i'll try to explain this. For the past few weeks i've really been in touch with my higher self. Since i've made it clear to him/her that I want to sort things out and want to know why i'm here, my dreams have been strange.
Why are they strange? They are very lucid, very real, very emotional and always about the time in my life when things went wrong!
What went wrong? When I was 14/15 I started to get bullied by one guy in particular, his name is Paul. The bullying came out of the nowhere, i'd been in great form and had started to get really really confident. Confidence is something I wasn't used to because I had a bad childhood but thats a different story. So I never knew this guy had a problem with me and I didn't understand why he was doing this and saying the things he was saying.
What was he saying? That I was gay, that was the main point. I'm not which made made my life so confusing. And any time he'd say something to me in front of the class every other person in the class would laugh. I know one reason they would laugh is because they were afraid of him, but it was soul destroying! So anyway i began to skip class and developed all sorts of phobias, 10 years on and i'm still trying to put my life together.
So back to the dreams....
They are always about school! My friends are there and while i'm asleep I feel the way I did back then before the bullying. In one of the dreams I ask a friend, "why are you still at school its been 10 years now, and why is Sarah still here isn't she a Doctor now?" He say's "man I really think your going crazy"!!! And I wake up questioning things!
So the dreams Paul is in... I'm in Pauls class in the dreams, he doesn't say anything to me and to be honest he seems like an OK guy. We go about our business in the dreams but we never talk and he seems to ignore me. I wake up but the hate I have for him is still there, this guy ruined my life!
Lasts nights dream!!!
Honestly in my dream I think I spent a whole full day at school. So Paul is there in my class still ignoring me but I feel like a different person now. I catch his attention by staring at him, he looks at me and I just keep staring as if to say "don't even fucking think about picking on me i'm a different person now"... And he doesn't say anything, not only that but he seems like he didnt ever intend to. So i get really confused, he seems like a totally different guy! So after school i'm walking past him in the hall and I flash my scars at him from my suicide attempt. I want answers now! When we get outside I finally confront this dude after 10 YEARS... And this is interesting, this is why i'm posting here.
This was the exact dialogue...
Me: Why did you bully me?
Paul: To level out the playing field, you were to far ahead! (telepathically at same time: I knew you'd ask eventully)
he stats to walk away...
Me: What do you mean, please tell me??
Paul: I can't I have to go i'm sorry. (telepathically at same time: i'm not allowed to say)
So I wake up and the first thoughts in my head are. 1) What the fuck just happened! 2) That was not a dream!
I don't know how to explain how real that felt. The dreams about school are so consistant, so steady, it doesn't matter what I think about, it wont manifest in the dream. I'm living those moments and nothing dreamlike happens, its just as it was when I was in school. Even down to the craving cigarettes (i smoked a lot at school).. In the dream I smoke and I can feel the craving in the dream but I wake up and i'm fine. What the f**k is going on!? I'm starting to thing maybe i did acid in school and this world is me tripping balls!
Seriously though what do you all think about the dialogue between me and Paul? Playing field, is this a game and why could he not say more? Why are my dreams so real, i mean they start off at morning and go all through the school day without anything unusually dreamlike happening!?
I hope i've made sense here, thoughts would be appreciated thanks...
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