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06:04 PM
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marriage and money ? need help please, married peeps
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[quote:Anonymous Coward 23919169:MV8yMDEwMjY5XzMzNzc5MjkwX0U3NjA1NkU0] [quote:Anonymous Coward 21738912:MV8yMDEwMjY5XzMzNzc3MDEwX0NDRTI3RkIx] [quote:Anonymous Coward 21738912:MV8yMDEwMjY5XzMzNzc2ODY2X0RDNkY3QTlF] [quote:Anonymous Coward 13158115:MV8yMDEwMjY5XzMzNzc2MzU5XzZCQThEQjJE] You said you pay the bills. Just wondering does your wife get any discretionary $$? If she's a SAHM [b]she might feel like she can't spend any of the family money on herself.[/b] [/quote] This might be the case, in which case she feels right to for once have spending money. Honestly if one person takes care of household costs and the other doesn't but no determination was made ahead of time for a situation like this one, don't expect to see the money. If you aren't sharing with her, she won't share with you. If she has to ask to purchase stuff, she probably won't share this extra cash with you. Etc and so forth. and fwiw, you are butthurt over 4k? over a 400 dollar xbow? Save up your money so you respect your xbow more than you will. Her own mother, mom, gave her that money. That sort of thing I'd also look at as different from sharing lottery proceeds. Her mom might've given stipulations on how she is allowed to spend the money. It was her mom's gift to her and not to you, so for all intents and purposes, it's your wifes. Inheritance issues are a bit retarded. If you have someone in your fam that gives you money for xmas gifts, does she get half? this list goes on and on. it's [/quote] sorry, meant to finish that thought. O.o It's retarded. But anyways, these things should be straightened out before the wedding. It appears there was a failure to straighten out money matters prior to putting a ring on it, so it's really not my problem in how you decide your fate. To end a marriage over 4k is a bit ridiculous, but so is marrying someone without making financial agreements ahead of time (verbal, prenup, or otherwise) is just asking for shit to hit the fan. But now you know and next time you are on the dating scene you'll know better. There are many degrees of things that need to be predetermined before marriage. I used to talk about this all the time on glp because I went more anonymous in my ways. Let me explain a few that are important: *thoughts on raising kids (how to, how many, spanking, how to deal with a hellion, etc) *willingness to have kids live with you after they are mature adults *thoughts on hard and soft drugs/herbs *smoking or lack thereof *diet (ie: vegetarian, omnivore, etc) *finances/dealing with debt *travel interests *debate vs full on verbal argument with namecalling etc *emo issues, mental health issues, therapy, etc. if you both need a therapist would be a major thing to consider because if he/she doesn't want to go and you need couples therapy, you're a bit screwered. *fav foods, hated foods, foods that better not be cooked in the house, etc *types of movies, types of sports, types of extracurricular activities, types of tv shows watched *time spent on the phone, on apps, on the computer, texting, or chatting with the moms or pops. *whether to get married or remain happily dating until you both kick the bucket Really this list is only as extensive as you or your significant other or potential significant other deem important. If you fail to make these determinations prior to happily ever after wedded bliss, it should fall to you to get things straight or leave (though whether I agree on if 4k should be used as leverage as to why the other person is terrible and should be divorced is not important). [/quote] nice post. When my husband and I were planning to get married, we did a lot of researching. We have an age gap that his family disapproved of, and they were concerned we were setting ourselves up for failure. To prove them wrong, but also to see if they had any valid points, we went through a "conversation checklist". We found it online and i cant find the link now. But basically it was a massive list of every conversation a couple should have before getting married. We found that we agreed on 99% of things naturally. But it was nice to have hose conversations out in the open, before there was any fighting or hurt feelings involved. As for the OP, dont worry about your children. Make a will, and let that take care of them. [/quote]
Original Message
my wifes mom came into some money , had a family gathering, she gave each of her kids an envelope each contained 4000 dollars , i asked my wife for 400 for a crossbow , and a bit for survival food stuff...
well she says its hers not mine, weve been married for 12 yrs... im worreid what what will happen if i die will all the money left over be HERS and none go to my kids ...
im hurt , or am i just being greedy... i thought when you got married you became one in ALL respects....
The envelopes containg the money only had her kids name on it...
when i got my inheritence i opaid off her house...
ya know i asked to BORROW the money like id pay her in three cks postdated , she didnt evenm go for that...
like i said im devasataed or IS SHE RIGHT to do this...
im just fkn crushed!!!! i feel like this is the gamechanger ....
OR AM I WRONG ...please help with your opinion
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