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Subject I'm a little teapot

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To take over my own thread for a moment:

The having to kill the animals thing..that's what happens to most research animals anyway, on a professional level it's not that big of a deal..it is, but it isn't. It was just the last straw for me.
The problem is I usually find myself dragged into these types of situations without my consent, either locked in by suggestion or under the influence of god knows what...whatever it takes to get me to the other side of what I'm assuming is supposed to be a mental block..like a curtain that hides all (it's shredded at this point thanks to my persistence, I can see through the holes, HA), and regressed to an emotional age of a child. These ARE NOT the kind of situations anyone should be in when in a vulnerable emotional state of mind. 
This has been going on for freaking ages. When I was a teen and no longer speaking to the woman in charge of me, she'd catch me on my way home and get me to believe I was 10 years old. Yeah, I'm that fucking easy to manipulate I guess. So "ten year old" me would go with her to all of these events and random trials. There were a lot of movies in the behavioural lab so I checked the dates when they were released..these movies weren't even made until I was at least 15, which means I wasn't a 10 year old when watching them, regardless of what I was led to believe. I feel so freaking easily duped and so angry at those that have been a part of it.
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But you have mentioned DID and there was probably hypnosis so it is not your fault if they have manipulated your young mind. You are not in full control of your life when you are a child.
I think cracks do appear in the programming with age which is why you now have hindsight.
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Original Message Unfortunately I have a long history with it or it's favourite twin cousin. A lot of it has been very painful, and as odd as it may seem to want to work through anything therapeutic on a public forum full of trolls, I really can't think of a better audience.

thread edited 12/22 to delete data

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