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I want Babies part three, why I married Weasel and thank you to:
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Original Message
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Hi again billy here, one of you asked why I married Weasel if he is a limper and only has one bean. I will get that in a second. I also wanted to say thank you to:
Dr. Astro. You explained DNA really good, Marywhitney my best friend in the hole wide world, said that you are right. Also, when Marywhitney read you’re No linky You stinky she laughed so hard she peed and then she said it too Bigjimmy and then Bigjimmy started saying it and saying it. I went to buy a hotdog (I;m on a diet no mountain dew for me) and joanie, who solds the hotdogs and mountain dew, looked at me, shes on the other side of the park, said YOU STINKY NO LINKY!!! Do you get it??? YOU STINKY NO LINKY!!!(For you northerners Linky = Hotdog) Can you believe it!!
Closing eyes. Your soooooo beautiful
Leslie Zevo. WOW your parents named you after one of most favorite movies
Uncle Mikey. I have a uncle mikey he has both his beans.
Mister Worlwide. You look very smart!
Ms.Magoo. are you married to Mr. Magoo? (dumb huh?)
KungPowMeowMeow. Your cat is soooooooooooooooo strong!!!!!!!!!!!!! Weasel can only do one pushup
Teacup. You sew really good. I sew Weasels civil war costume and its really hard (more about Weasel and the civil war later)
And everyone else who wasn’t nasty or mean thank you.
I also included this about my problem for you new comers for those of you that know my problem just go to bottom:
My husband, all 5 foot 3 inches of him can't seem to get the job done. His Dad, all 6 foot 4 inches, wants to help out. He has had 8 kids. His wife is really short is always talkin' about how all she had to do was wash his pants in the scrub board and she'd have a kid... she said "He soaked into her fingers... "
I told her once, I'd sure like to wash his pants... she told me, "I bet you would and if you scrubbed long enough, you'd have twins..." I think she was telling me that it would be alright. I know that she really want grandchildren and we'd be the first.
Do you think she was giving me the okay to bed her husband?
Do you think I should go to church and pray on it first?
Thank you for helping me...
For those who didn't read the first post, my husband, Weasel, not his real name, it's just what we call him that because of his long nose and no chin, is missing his big toe and so he limps. I don't want no limper baby. And he can't get the job done. So my aunt (my mother older sister) is married to Weasel's father who we all call daddy, made, I think, a suggestion that I bed daddy (not related to ME, prevs) Now daddy has all his toes so I don't think I'd get a limper baby. The only other person in the family who is missing a big toe is my uncle johnny (not my real uncle - he's from the Ohio river part of the family). But, I don't want no baby by him - that would be to weird. I work at Dollywood in the Hillbilly college show, we make soap. I got to stir the pot and they gave me a .25 cent raise. So money is no problem.
Update - I went and talked to our preacher at the church about my problem. Well he's friends with daddy (not relation to me,prevs) and he said he have to pray on it and talk to daddy. So that's where I'm at.
I'd like to get so of your opinions as to how to solve this problem. My auntie real wants grandchildren and I reallllllly want babies. Weasel ain't getting the job done during baby making week. So I am so lost and any help you can give would should be helpful. I'd ask Dolly (she is sooooo beautiful) but we dont see her much.
Latest news update. Our preacher talked to me after bible study Saturday night and he said he dreamed that I had a white baby with ten toes. So no limber baby for me. YEAH!! He didn't dream about me and Daddy(not my real daddy, prevs) he said that once Daddy get the new roof done we can talk again - he's very busy.
Butttttt, Marywhitney who is my best friend in the whole world and works at Dollywood in the Hillbilly college show with me. (see lights the fire under the soap pot) told me about DNA and how I have to be really careful, given we are mountain folk, and all. She told me "you don't want to turn out like them irab kings over in Saudy irabia, they got a terrible problem with marrying brothers and sisters and everyone doing everyone and then having limper babies". She also said, that a lot of them irab only have one bean, so they can't have two many babies. (we have a one bean problem in our family.... but Marywhitney doesn't no that.)
Can you explain this DNA to me? And also help me with making this decision about beding Daddy (not my real daddy,pervs)? Daddy (not my real daddy, prevs)he got a weird "look" in his eyes, I think he knows. He wants grandbabies really bad two.
Thank you.
Why I married Weasel if he is a limper with only one bean.
It’s a really long story, but here goes nothing. I meet Weasel at a bar called Whities. Now first you got to know is that whities is waaaaaaaaaaaay back in the mountains. Only mountain folk go there and not many people know about it. So Marywhitney, my best friend in the hole wide world, decided to go out to Whities. This is just going to make the story longer but I guess I’ll tell. We got lost. Now you don’t want to get lost in the mountains around here. Theirs shiners and pot growers and they both will kill you deader than a poor folks Sunday dinner. (for you northerners road kill dinner) now listen here, there is only three types of folks you will run in two out in the mountains. Shiners, pot growers, hunters and the rapers (there are others but they are the main ones) we ran into a shiner.. So this old barrel of applejack gone bad comes over to my door and starts starring at my dolly partons. And he got all mountain dew teeth and he starts to smiling. GROSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! This is going to make the story too long and you don’t care about that anyways. So anyways we go to whities and the place is packed. There playing Merle on the stero (northerern alert…. Merle haggard) so the place is real exciting. We see some people we know and go over. But there is one person we don’t know (that be Weasel) so they tell us his name, Weasel. I start to laugh. And I say Why they call you Weasel. Whities goes silent!!. It’s so quiet even the mice stopped to listen. Then everyone start saying GET THE SHEET, GET THE SHEET over and over… then whitie, the owner, goes in the back room and come out with this big white sheet and a flashing light. He goes over to the the wall and puts the light down and plugs it in. Then he hangs the sheet from the rafters. And then turns on the light. Then everyone start saying over and over, Weasel weasel. So weasel goes between the sheet and the light and does this weird thing with his head. Now Weasel got no chin and a really long thin nose. And I’ll be, if the picture on the sheet looks just like a Weasel. Everyone loves Weasel. So then Weasel comes back and of course hes a limper. And I ask him why he is a limper. (I don’t want no limper babies). He tells me he shot his toe off!! (he lied to me, first and only time) I say what!!! Then he tell me he like to go to the reenactments of the civil war. (thats big around here) and (this is going to make you northerners mad) and he plays a coward from the north. You see, that’s how northerners would get on of going to war, they would shot off there big toe. So Weasel would dress up like a northerner coward and that’s the part he plays. You got have northerners or you don’t got an reenactment. Well, like a dumbie I believed him. Now to the one bean. This is really embarrassing. OH OH OH, remind me to tell you that Weasel want us to call him by a new name… Anyways, given Weasels feets problem he got this thing about feet. Now the only one I ever told was Marywhitney, but he like his ding dong well you know with my feets. Well it's kind of hard to count beans with your feets. I know stupid huh, but I finally figured it out, because Weasel has a hard time staying, well you know given he only has one bean, and I decide to do my duty the normal way and that’s when I found out, only one bean. We were already married sooooooooooooo I got a limper with only one bean.
Daddy is so mad, Weasel doesn’t want to be called Weasel anymore and Daddy is so mad. You see, weasel doesn’t work so he watches a lot of movies and one of his favorites is The bone collector. And guess who stars in the Bone collector, yes I know it’s Angelina jolie but it’s also Denzel Washington. Sooooooooo Weasel wants to be called Weezel after Denzel. Daddy is beside himself, he don’t like mixing. So Weasel (Weezel) been asking about what it takes to change his name. He’s been asking everyone and no one knows. I was wondering if any of you know what it would take to change his name to Weezel Washington? Will I have to change my name to Mrs. Weezel Washington? I like my name the way it is!! I don’t want anyone at dollywood calling me Mrs. Weezel Washington!!
Thank you for helping me.
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