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My marriage is in crisis
Ms Sans Serif
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[quote:stillhere:MV8yMDY5OTAzXzM0ODMyNTY0XzE4Rjc2Qjgx] I think it is normal for a man not to desire children. For all the reasons you list. It is also normal not to want to get married, for many reasons all talked about here often. But, when you fall in love that all changes. Suddenly marriage doesn't sound that bad because the thought of living the rest of your life without "her" seems so much worse. Having a child can't be explained until you have one. It is like having a great puppy only x 1,000. The love comes with the caring for the child who is dependent on you for 100% of everything. The more you hold, care for, feed, play with....the more you fall in love. A child is magical, they are your hope for the future. It doesn't matter if the child is yours or not, they have a "light" a glow, their smile and laugh will melt the coldest of hearts. Their innocence, their desire to learn things is intoxication. The ability to relive all your childhood joys, like Christmas, the Zoo, sports, camping, Disney land?.....all hold a new excitement through the eyes of a child. Women instinctively know all these things, or they would never want to be pregnant. Trust your wife, this will add to your lives, and look on the bright side, a pregnant wife is a drag for you and her and leaves permanent damage, (often). Your fear is normal, millions of men have taken the same path and been rewarded by having their hearts opened up in a way they never regret. :hf::hf::hf: [/quote]
Wife can't bear children of her own. We've tried the traditional way and we've tried artificial insemination. It's no go. Now she is desperate to adopt a kid from a third world country. I can't stand the idea.
I've never wanted kids - I don't know what good they're for. I don't see that I could gain anything positive from having a kid. Tremendous amount of work, worry and waste of money. I wouldn't have any time for myself or my wife anymore and my wife, in turn, would be occupied by the kid and his/her needs. I would be merely the one who brings in the money and provides housing so that she can play a mother. The Father Unit.
I consented to the humiliating artificial insemination process only because I love my wife and I can't stand to see her suffering from childlessness. I have doubts that I could have loved that kid. Having an adopted child would be even worse. If we manage to get one, I fear that I'll actually bear a grudge against the poor child. For ruining my marriage, for making our financial situation even worse, for occupying all the free time I have from my work, and so on.
Yet, I can't stand the idea of losing my wife and/or living the rest of our marriage in silent despair and passive-aggressive environment because I refused her only chance to have a child.
So what good are kids for? Please tell me. I so much want to change my mind and see something positive in having a child, but I just don't see it.
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