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My marriage is in crisis
Ms Sans Serif
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[quote:Anonymous Coward 10777372:MV8yMDY5OTAzXzM0ODMyNjU3X0E4OTVEN0Ex] That's tough. I think I sort of know how you feel about children. My son was an accident. When I first heard my wife (girlfriend, at the time) was pregnant, I almost threw up, put up a brave face, and lied about being glad about it. I seriously considered running away or killing myself. To me, fatherhood had always been equivalent to a disaster, doom and death-sentence to all enjoyable things and freedom in life. I strongly believed that only people who had no ambition or goals in life had children to fill the empty meaningless hours. I thought they were selfish to the extreme: finding purpose in their life by creating life to this shitty world where there was no hope anymore. I'd pity the guys who got their girlfriend pregnant and "got stuck" with her and the kid. It took about two years to get even used to the kid, but they kind of grow on you. Yes, I love him now, but it took time. [/quote]
Wife can't bear children of her own. We've tried the traditional way and we've tried artificial insemination. It's no go. Now she is desperate to adopt a kid from a third world country. I can't stand the idea.
I've never wanted kids - I don't know what good they're for. I don't see that I could gain anything positive from having a kid. Tremendous amount of work, worry and waste of money. I wouldn't have any time for myself or my wife anymore and my wife, in turn, would be occupied by the kid and his/her needs. I would be merely the one who brings in the money and provides housing so that she can play a mother. The Father Unit.
I consented to the humiliating artificial insemination process only because I love my wife and I can't stand to see her suffering from childlessness. I have doubts that I could have loved that kid. Having an adopted child would be even worse. If we manage to get one, I fear that I'll actually bear a grudge against the poor child. For ruining my marriage, for making our financial situation even worse, for occupying all the free time I have from my work, and so on.
Yet, I can't stand the idea of losing my wife and/or living the rest of our marriage in silent despair and passive-aggressive environment because I refused her only chance to have a child.
So what good are kids for? Please tell me. I so much want to change my mind and see something positive in having a child, but I just don't see it.
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