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My marriage is in crisis
Ms Sans Serif
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[quote:MyAffliction:MV8yMDY5OTAzXzM0ODMyNjg0Xzg0MzJGODU2] [quote:telling it straight:MV8yMDY5OTAzXzM0ODMyNjE5XzJCNDEzRkEy] You need to be honest with her about your feelings. Part of why she's so desperate to have a kid could be because she thinks she's failing you as a wife by not having one. Let her know where you're coming from. It will come out one way or another and instead of just hurting her, you could also hurt the child you'd adopt. It will sense your rejection. Come clean now. [/quote] This! Your wife also deserves to know otherwise you may hurt 2 people by not being honest now. [/quote]
Wife can't bear children of her own. We've tried the traditional way and we've tried artificial insemination. It's no go. Now she is desperate to adopt a kid from a third world country. I can't stand the idea.
I've never wanted kids - I don't know what good they're for. I don't see that I could gain anything positive from having a kid. Tremendous amount of work, worry and waste of money. I wouldn't have any time for myself or my wife anymore and my wife, in turn, would be occupied by the kid and his/her needs. I would be merely the one who brings in the money and provides housing so that she can play a mother. The Father Unit.
I consented to the humiliating artificial insemination process only because I love my wife and I can't stand to see her suffering from childlessness. I have doubts that I could have loved that kid. Having an adopted child would be even worse. If we manage to get one, I fear that I'll actually bear a grudge against the poor child. For ruining my marriage, for making our financial situation even worse, for occupying all the free time I have from my work, and so on.
Yet, I can't stand the idea of losing my wife and/or living the rest of our marriage in silent despair and passive-aggressive environment because I refused her only chance to have a child.
So what good are kids for? Please tell me. I so much want to change my mind and see something positive in having a child, but I just don't see it.
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