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My marriage is in crisis
Ms Sans Serif
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[quote:Mickeyblue 9806228:MV8yMDY5OTAzXzM0ODMzMDEzXzc3QTVDRDZC] What good are the kids?? In your most particular case a child would provide you with the opportunity for being head of a family. It would put you in a position of growth as a human being. It would no longer be you who is the center of the universe and place the needs of your child above all else. I think you realize that , not in any of the positive terms, only the terms of taking away from you the things you think are yours to claim exclusively. You married and unless you wsere up front from the beginning that family would not include children, then you are departing from what she believed. I think before anything is done you both need counselling. It will not be the child that is taking your position away from you, it will be fulfilling a head of household responsibility and privilege that does it. It is natural and desirable that this happens, usually desired by both spouses. Just my opinion. [/quote]
Wife can't bear children of her own. We've tried the traditional way and we've tried artificial insemination. It's no go. Now she is desperate to adopt a kid from a third world country. I can't stand the idea.
I've never wanted kids - I don't know what good they're for. I don't see that I could gain anything positive from having a kid. Tremendous amount of work, worry and waste of money. I wouldn't have any time for myself or my wife anymore and my wife, in turn, would be occupied by the kid and his/her needs. I would be merely the one who brings in the money and provides housing so that she can play a mother. The Father Unit.
I consented to the humiliating artificial insemination process only because I love my wife and I can't stand to see her suffering from childlessness. I have doubts that I could have loved that kid. Having an adopted child would be even worse. If we manage to get one, I fear that I'll actually bear a grudge against the poor child. For ruining my marriage, for making our financial situation even worse, for occupying all the free time I have from my work, and so on.
Yet, I can't stand the idea of losing my wife and/or living the rest of our marriage in silent despair and passive-aggressive environment because I refused her only chance to have a child.
So what good are kids for? Please tell me. I so much want to change my mind and see something positive in having a child, but I just don't see it.
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