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I'm never happy, and I'm never sad, WTF is wrong with me?
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Original Message
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I went through drug induced psychosis almost a year ago and am still recovering. I have renounced all my previous hallucinations and paranoid fantasies, though I still believe in psychic phenomena to do with the exchange of energy between beings, and how this can be noticed in the subtle tones in speech. I am still not 100% about this, it is something I am still coming to terms with.
Anywho, my 7 year old cat died a month ago, and I didn't even feel sad. I loved that cat, and nope, didn't feel a thing, if anything I was slightly angry, but no sadness at all.
Since the psychosis, I have always felt there is something wrong with me that I need to fix, and as such haven't really been relaxing and actually ENJOYING my life, so I am rarely satisfied or happy either.
And I am extremely even-tempered, even when people are dickheads to me, I don't lose my temper. But sometimes having a little fire in you is good, I miss this too.
But it's not nothingness - I still feel a drive to recover from whatever is wrong with me. But that's not really an emotion, its mainly a self-analytical state of mind. It really sucks not being able to emotionally connect with people.
I am also on Risperidal (antipsychotic) and antidepressants.
Anybody else been through a time in their life where they couldn't empathise with others emotions? Where they couldn't be sad or happy? What the hell is wrong with me?
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