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Husbands and Wives--hiding money, ok or no? Help!!
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Original Message
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I'm a stay at home mom. I love my job, that was the agreement when we got married as my husband is very old fashioned, has his own business, and works 14 hour days 6 days a week by choice.
Sounds great huh? Comes with a price as bad as selling your soul.
For the first two years of our marriage my husband filed separate tax returns since he didn't want me to see how much money he made. Then his lawyers told him he was wasting his money doing that.
I got pregnant right away when we got married, and he controlled all the finances, and kept them hidden.
With owning your own business there is no pay check like at a regular job.
He would bring home a salary so low that we couldn't live on it, and would have tricks to pay himself more money (tax free) so we did live comfortably.
I was constantly told about how bad business was. I was a good sport, and agreed to spend our vacations with his parents, and forgo many things I thought we couldn't afford.
He had all his financial mail sent to his business, at tax time he would approach me at almost midnight asking me to quickly sign the forms as they had to be in the mail in the early morning.
I didn't work, had small children, and he would come home at 8-8:30 every night after leaving at 6am, eat and fall asleep. He never had any energy for the kids.
Great life, we were secure and he worked hard. He insisted on belonging to a fancy country club even though we couldn't afford to go out, or fix up our home.
When I first complained about this arrangement he drove two states away to speak with a shrink because he believed I mush be insane.
I stayed--why you might ask, not for the money, but because I knew he was setting me up for taking the kids away.
Now they are almost grown, we live the same.
He wanted to buy a boat, (not my thing) and said he would whether I liked it or not. I figured why shouldn't he enjoy himself on the few days he takes off a year. (sundays) and one week.
Come to find out this requires another country club membership and he is planning on spending almost what he paid for out home. All in his name and there is nothing I can do about it.
I know people like to think the money is his since he earned it. I have no money, have no access to any and have no idea about his finances.
As we are getting older this concerns me, and like I said working just wasn't an option, I don't have a skill that would pay much just when the kids were at school, I do all the things involving the care of the home and kids. And we didn't "need" the money.
Is this normal, would other wives put up with this and how to husbands manage their finances with their families and wives?
20 years of marriage, calling it quits.
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