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DOOM cancelled, terrorists are bunch of idiots
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Original Message
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***BREAKING NEWS FROM THE AMERICAN DINGLEBERRY***
by- Ehmane R. Tarrde
Good News Everybody!
The DOOM for the next few months has been cancelled as the terrorists/protesters/students in the middle east realize that they are a bunch of idiots being led about by foreign interest groups.
"It's a set up!" Said Havbib Erhsumfisumfin of Yurtikistan (bordering Kazakhstan and Morocco.)
This, unsurprisingly, comes as a great disappointment to many GLPers and sad sacks in general.
The American populace at large polled as follows on the narrowly averted Doomcastrophy
A.) "Bomb them anyway": 32%
B.) "What? I don't watch TV": 15%
C.) "Bomb them twice for wimping out": 4%
D.) "Can't we all get along": Dave. Fucking Dave.
E.) "Give Congress a pay raise": 66%
F.) "Invade Russia": 122% (by belt size)
Many small arms dealers and BIG arms dealers in the region are being adversely influenced.
"I've got all these grenades, but now I need to sell them as Christmas ornaments!" -Apedla O. Dakka (stateless.)
However, hardest hit in the middle east and north african region are the Stupid Pill dealers:
"I have 15 children and 44 wives. Some of them are the same people, but that is still a lot of mouths to feed!" said Adbumumum Ghortiti of Dirgbenibeni (which borders Egypt and Pakistan.)
The growing consensus in the troubled region is "Damned if you do, damned if you don't." While many are frustrated over the fake elections and corrupt leaders, the alternative of another fake election, purge, and corrupt leader seems to be "a bit of a downer."
Our last interview was with Hakuna Matada of Japan (bordering the North African states of Russia and Iceland,)
"I don't get why we were attacking the embassies anyway, I mean, who the hell does that? Idiots, that is who! We always kamikaze the worst places repeatedly and never learn from our mistakes. We were starting to suspect that whoever is organizing us is an idiot and ended up saying 'Cyonara'. I mean, really! The man didn't even know about Google Earth or the internet! Now, who wants some Shwarma?"
There is one god, one people, but a lot of different currencies. God bless and take out loans at high interest rates.
Until next time,
Ehmane R. Tarrde.
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