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05:27 PM
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I no longer have the desire to own a house, to buy things, to work for someone else, to watch TV, listen to music, to have sex, to have friends.
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[quote:Anonymous Coward 46760729:MV8yMzUyMTQ0XzQwMjA5NDk3XzE2Qzg1MTdB] [quote:Goddess of the sea 1:MV8yMzUyMTQ0XzQwMjA2NzMxXzVGNjFCMkNB] [quote:Anonymous Coward 46519091:MV8yMzUyMTQ0XzQwMTkwMDE3XzJGOTQyQ0ZC] they dont search for beauty ..harmony ..spiritual enlightment love..they search for satisfying their bodily needs..food..drink..f.king..having fun..enjoyment..and of course money and power because THEY HAVE NO CLASS..thats all they know and aspire for.. because they ARE BASIC AND THICK AS BRICKS [/quote] I agree. I have become happier since I have had nothing. I have realized that I do not need anything. I am my own best friend. I can count on me. I have found the love of Jesus. He is my husband. I can always count on him. But I do get awfully lonely. My family is so much different from me. I can never just be myself around them. I am tired of having to act like I am perfect and worrying about the house looking perfect , worrying about pleasing everyone else, looking perfect, what the neighbors think etc. I don't care about these things but I do them because I am sick and have to live with my mom and dad now. I struggle to keep up with my hygiene being so sick. I just cannot be perfect anymore. I can't have perfect makeup and hair and clothing anymore. They really look down on me for that. I guess my looks were the only thing they were proud of about me. I am sure that is because they wanted someone to marry me and get me out of their home ASAP. I have always had health problems and they wanted it to be someone else's problem. They never took me to the doctor or tried to help. They always just made me feel like- this was something that was a defect with me and needed to be hidden. Recently, I have come to the point where I really and truly do not care anymore. I can't please them no matter what so I give up. I have become very humbled and like a little child again. I have imagination back and innocence and a sense of wonder. There are mysteries out there and I am searching for them. I have given up my desires and I no longer feel like I am a split person. I feel whole. I feel -"of one mind" and that one mind has become connected in to a whole system of "ONENESS". I have found a whole new world of unconditional love, acceptance, peace, power, happiness and joy. The whole key has been to REDEFINE HAPPINESS and to let go of all this falseness. I am going to be me no matter who it offends. I no longer have the energy to keep up the charade. I wish I had a bunch of land and nice little houses built on it. I would invite all of you who are feeling this way and want to no longer be part of this no win situation in this world to come and live in peace and harmony. We could ride horses and take care of animals. We could enjoy nature and make things for each other out of love and because we just wanted to please each other and see a smile. We could have a bunch of musical instruments and just jam out every night. Whether you know how to play or not doesn't matter. It just feels good to jam out on a bunch of musical instruments with friends. Have you ever tried it? We could take turns cooking meals and all help each other with chores. We could do meditation outside in nature by some beautiful waterfall as a group and I bet we could actually create things this way, if we all meditated on the same goal. We could run and play and joke with each other. Catch frogs and bugs. We could do things like we did in our youth. We could all go fishing and then have a big fish fry. We could have a really great time. We could live minimally but have FUN while we did the work necessary to feed and clothe ourselves. I live in a nice big luxurious home that is my parents but I hate it. It feels like a museum. Everything has to be spotless. I have always been so restricted. I can't ever just be goofy and be myself. I always feel uncomfortable. I can't even have a dog - because they are filthy animals according to my family. I just do not relate to them at all. I used to be able to keep the mask on and just go along when I had to see them- (I moved out at 17) I was desperate to escape the control, rules of their strict religion and have some fun. I found that other people were so different from my family. Now, I have become very sick and have had to move back into this wax museum. Sorry- I really should not complain. I could be living on the streets and I am lucky to have this nice house to enjoy but I am reminded of that at least 10 times a day. How lucky I am to be in their home. I will shut up now. So sorry- just needed to get these feelings out. You can just ignore this. XoXo [/quote] Hope you feel better, SOON! :hearts: [/quote]
Original Message
I have the desire to just be alone, to eat little, to ignore the madness around me.
And I am happy about it.
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