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Company Christmas Party
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Original Message
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Nowadays you can´t even please part of the people some of the time. :lmao
> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>> I´m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
>>> place on December 23rd at Luigi´s Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots
>>> of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel
>>> free to sing along. And don´t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed
>>> as
>
>>> Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among
>>> employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
>>> Merry Christmas to you and your family. Patty Lewis - Human Resources
>>> Director
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> December 2n
>>> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> In no way was yesterday´s memo intended to exclude our Jewish
>>> employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often
>>> coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However,
>>> from now on we´re calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy
>>> applies
>
>>> to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no
>>> Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. Happy Holidays to you and
>>> your family. Patty Lewis - Human Resources Directo
>>> December 3rd
>>> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics
>
>>> Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I´m happy to accommodate this
>>> request, but, don´t forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA
>>> Only," you won´t be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the
>>> gifts exchange-no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel
>>> that
>
>>> $10 is too much money. Patty Lewis - Human Researchers Director
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> December 7t
>>> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> I´ve arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest
>>> from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms.
>>> Gays
>
>>> are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the
>>> gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower
>>> arrangement for the gay men´s table. Happy now? Patty Lewis - Human
>>> Racehorses Directo
>>> December 9t
>>> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> People, people-nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to
>>> play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be
>>> "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
>>> suit." Patty Lewis - Human Ratraces
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> December 10t
>>> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Vegetarians-I´ve had it with you people!! We´re going to hold this
>>> party at Luigi´s Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit
>>> at
>
>>> the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you´ll
>>> get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know,
>>> tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I´ve heard
>>> them scream. I´m hearing them right now. Ha! I hope you all have a
>>> rotten
>
>>> holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me? The Bitch from Hell!
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> December 14t
>>> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> I´m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
>>> recovery from her stress-related illness. I´ll continue to forward your
>>> cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided
>>> to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd
>>> off with full pay. Terri Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
>
>
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