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girlfriend will not give up talking to ex boyfriends
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[quote:ifSHTF:MV81Mzk4NzdfMzM3ODQwNzBfNUFEODlCQUI=] if it bothers you now, it'll only get worse. the fact that she's keeping it a secret would eat at me quite a bit, because it means they are "plan b". afterall, why else wouldnt she want to keep you in the loop and introduce you... the worst part... she'll probably spin it if you confront her. If you make her choose, she'll blame you for being an insecure asshole. If you give in and let her keep the friends as is, then she'll lose respect for you for not being able to stand your ground. Truth be told, someone else called it right - you came on here to GLP and bitched about your GF - that's not very alpha male of you. You can be an alpha and keep your sex appeal while still being respectful. However, if you become the beta male... it'll probably never last. I'm still a huge believer that at the relationship level, animal instinct and body chemistry still go a long way. Were I in your shoes, I'd let her keep the friends. In fact, I'd throw a huge party with all of your "most fun" friends there, and have her invite "those guys". Its your space - your show - your party. Be the man! I'd probably get them drunk just so I could get past the bullshit filters and see what the deal really is, while under the guise of just having a good time. You're playing office politics... It sucks, but she's either worth the fight, or she isn't, and you need to decide that. For me, I'd rather shame the friends into feeling less than adequate as a partner for her, and I'd do that in a controlled situation - IE my party. These guys need to feel like they can't compete. Then, if they are her friends... they'll really be happy for her. If they just want her still, they'll back off, because its not worth the bother. Just remember, they might really be just friends. Plus... who knows if she previously dating some d-bag who made her get rid of a bunch of friends and that's why she was afraid to tell you. Or maybe you're that d-bag. We don't know you. Either way, she's either worth a fight or she isn't. At some point you need to do something, otherwise you'll end up single. [/quote]
Original Message
My girlfriend will not stop talking to two of her ex boyfriends. We have been together for almost three years and I just found out that she still talks to them,IM's them and hangs out with them. She does not feel the need to tell me when she is engaging in the above captioned activities. She claims that they are only friends. One guy is on his second marriage(they had a relationship on and off for four years)and the other guy is single (they had a relationship for three years). She said she knew them before she knew me so she's not going to stop talking to them or hanging out with them. I have plenty of ex girlfriends that I get along with. I have disclosed to my ex girlfriends that I am in a relationship so it's not a good idea not to talk to them or hang out with them because I don't want to hurt her feelings. Is this normal behavior or is this a red flag? This is driving me nuts.
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