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REPLY TO THREAD
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Subject
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The twelve days of christmas
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User Name
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Original Message
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Dearest John, I went to the door today and the postman had delivered a Partridge in a Pear Tree. What a thoroughly delighted gift! I couldnīt have been more surprised. With deepest love and affection, Aberdine
Dearest John, Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine- two Turtle Doves! Iīm delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. You big silly, what next? All my love, Aberdine
Dearest John, Arenīt you the extravagant one! Now I really must protest. I donīt deserve such generosity - 3 French Hens! They are just darling, but I must insist, you have been too kind. Love, Aberdine
Dear John, Today the postman delivered 4 Calling Birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but donīt you think enough is enough? Youīre being too romantic. Affectionately, Aberdine
Dear John, What a surprise! Today the postman delivered 5 Golden Rings; 1 for every finger! Youīre just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves. All My love, Aberdine
Dear John, When I opened the door there were actually 6 Geese a-laying on my front steps. So youīre back to the birds again, eh? Those geese are huge! Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are starting to complain, and I canīt sleep through the racket. Please stop. Cordially, Aberdine
John, Whatīs with you and those F---ing birds? 7 Swans a-swimming? What kind of goddamn joke is this? Thereīs bird crap all over the house and they never shut up. I canīt get to sleep at night, and Iīm a nervous wreck. Itīs not funny! Stop with those F---ing birds already. Sincerely, Aberdine
Okay buster, I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I to do with 8 maids-a-Milking? Itīs not enough, but they had to bring their goddamn cows! Thereīs manure all over the lawn, and I canīt move in my own house. What are you doing to me? Just lay off, smart-ass! Aberdeen
Hey asshole: What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now thereīs 9 pipers piping, and Christ do they play. They havenīt stopped chasing those 8 maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and theyīre stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I to do? The neighbors have started a petition to have me evicted. Youīll get yours... Aberdine
You rotten prick! Now there are 10 ladies dancing. I donīt know why I call those sluts ladies. Theyīve been at it all night, along with those frigging pipers! Now the cows canīt sleep, and theyīve got diarrhea. My living room is a river of turds. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldnīt be condemned. I am going to ask to ask the police to intervene. One who means it. Venomously, Aberdine
Listen F---head: Whatīs with the 11 lords a-leaping all over those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again! Those pipers have run through the maids and are committing bestiality with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead! Theyīve been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope youīre satisfied you rotten, vicious, swine. Your sworn enemy, Aberdine
Dear Sir: This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Aberdine. The destruction of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Aberdine at the Happy Valley Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest. Sincerely, Badger, Bender, Cajole - Attorneys at Law
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