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Subject Binary twin, nemesis, dark star, pX
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Original Message It's me... the MOON you silly dummies. Stop sending deep space satellites looking for me when I'm right here. I get a kick out of you whizzing by so much lately.

Every month, I give you earthquakes, volcanoes, floods, werewolves, and even I make your women crazy as hell for seven days. That in itself should suffice your need for desire for doom. I make myself blue, orange, and red. Sometimes you can see me during the day as if I were another sun.

If you knuckle heads don't stop begging for planet X, I'm gonna put your women on a 2 week cycle. That will surely drive you mad and genetically fuck your races up more than they already are.

Now chill out
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