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REPLY TO THREAD
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Subject
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Ladies: Have you cheated on your husband? How did you hide it?
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Original Message
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This is a serious question for the ladies. I need help and for many reasons I cannot get professionals involved.
I am a married man. We have been married for 9 years. We have three children: 8, 6 and 6 months.
About 2 years ago I started suspecting that my wife was having an affair. Our sex life during marriage was never good and most non-existent. Our first child was conceived shortly before we were married. Our sex life was awesome but our marriage started as she started getting morning sickness and our sex stopped so right from the start marriage was more or less sexless.
I know that it wasn't me that changed because the change happened in a few weeks and I hadn't put on weight, slobbed out or anything like that. Hell, she was marrying me as things were pretty good between us!
Anyway. our second child happened because we had a brief sexual recovery and we wanted another baby.
Then no sex other than on the very rare occasion (we're talking a stretch of nearly 3 years without sex at one point so I really do mean no sex) until for just a few times she decided that she wanted sex without protection and our third beautiful child happened. However that was a miracle conception because we only did it a few times and the sex then immediately stopped. From then until now, 15 months later, we have only done it once.
Now without sounding arrogant, I know that I am desirable and good looking because enough women want me. I work out, watch my weight, help out around the house, am an excellent father to the kids and I alone earn the family money.
Unfortunately I have to work away and normally only see the family on weekends but when I don't have work I have been at home for several months and nothing changes so I know that it's not me being away that is the problem.
She had post-natal depression quite badly with the second child and she has been on very low dosages of prozac since being diagnosed, I know that can interfere with a woman's sex drive but she went off sex long before that so although that may be a factor recently, it sure wasn't before she started taking the medication!
I don't know why she went off sex and that's not why I am posting here. I am merely telling you this background info so that you have a reference point, in case some lady reading this has been in this position before and can help me.
I know that she cheated on at last two boyfriends in the past and she also had at least one affair with a married man in her past. I don't know if that's relevant.
Why I am posting here is because I think that she's cheating on me. Again. With the same man.
As I said, our third child was conceived during a two week period of sudden sexual activity from her. At that time I was very strongly suspicious that she was cheating on me. I was at home at that time as one deal had ended and the other not yet started. Had been at home for a few months. For the previous 1 1/2 years our sex life had deteriorated from terrible to non-existent. Before then it had been rare but occasional, but for that 1 1/2 years it disappeared entirely. Yet everything else seemed okay in our relationship.
She claimed it was stress, then the kids... there was always some reason either physical or emotional for saying no but it was nothing but no, no, no. However, she had begun to be very interested in her work and worked weekends. I also discovered sexy underwear that I had never seen, she became keen on fitness, very distant from me and the kids, almost aggressive and was very keen to work weekends. I suspected at that point that she was having an affair. This went on for months, then suddenly she had that spurt of sex with me, which resulted in the pregnancy, then for over a year we have only done it once.
At the time I thought that she was having guilty sex with me or sex to fall pregnant because she wasn't sure if she had just fallen pregnant to someone else, so by having unprotected sex with me, she could explain being pregnant if she was in fact pregnant to another man.
Now, nearly a year later I heard her on the phone to what I thought was her best friend. However, it turns out that it was one of the men that I suspected back then was a possibility if she was having an affair. The fact that I thought it was her best friend by the way that she was speaking as well as her being more distant physically from me after that suddenly brought back all the memories of a year ago and my suspicion of her affair back then.
I am hoping that a lady reading this who has cheated on her man will be kind enough to share the experience and how she did it. This is why I have given as much detail as I have. I am hoping that someone with the experience to share will be able to read what I wrote and post relevant information from their experience so that I can learn from others and be wiser to what may be happening in my marriage.
I cannot explain what happened to my wife. I always assumed that the hormonal changes of pregnancy just killed sex for her. But there have been enough odd things happening that make me wonder if there's not more to it.
Put it this way, I was so suspicious that I had my third child genetically tested to make sure that I am indeed the father. I am, which is a relief.
If you have had this experience, if you have cheated on your man or if your wife has cheated on you, please consider posting here.
Thank you.
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