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REPLY TO THREAD
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UPDATED DEATH TOLL FROM SPIRAL
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Original Message
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WOKKA CHIKKA WOKKA CHIKKA WOKKA CHIKKA NEWSFLASH!!
The official death toll from the Norway Sky Spiral Incident has been updated by the Norwegian Government. We can now report that so far zero people have died of Giant Spiralitis.
The death toll is expected to spiral out of control as the spirals continue to disappear, spiralling mockingly from pictures on the internet. Scientists say that as many as zero people might eventually die from Giant Spiralitis.
Scientists at the brand new 66 squillion dollar Spiralattic Research Unit say that of course more funds, much more funds, are needed to be really sure. But one thing is for sure, more funding will be needed.
Head Scientist of the Spiralattic Research Unit, Professor Richard Head says that if Spiral Activity reaches a "Tipping Point", which he estimates at 2 spirals, the whole thing might spiral out of control in a Runaway Spiral Effect.
"The only way to be sure to avoid a Runaway Spiral Effect is to give us more funding so that we can make sure we don't reach a Tipping Point! Also, tax everything in the world with a so-called SPIRAL TAX to reduce Spiral Activity. That will help a lot, guaranteed," said Professor Head.
Professor Richard Head explained, "A lot of Spiral Deniers have been using Bad Science to try to mislead people into thinking that Spirals are natural and not caused by lack of Spiral Tax. Our computer models conclusively show that unless we fully implement a Spiral Tax of 30% of everything, we'll be destroyed by Spirals in a slow and painful process."
"Let me tell you more about what that will be like," Dr Head said. "We have sophisticated equipment set up which shows that a huge lack of Spiral Tax is causing a destabilizatoin of the Spiral Research Funding Field Generators. That sounds pretty serious wouldnt you say? Let me put it in a way even a child could understand: Spirals are bad, mmmkay? Spirals will kill all the puppies and kitties!! And mommy and daddy too will drown in Rising Spiral Levels".
PLEASE DONATE THIRTY PERCENT OF EVERYTHING FOR SPIRAL RESEARCH. OR ELSE WE TAKE IT ANYWAY. UR CHOICE>
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