This report should be viewed in its original irrelevant form at [link to animatedtv.about.com]

Biography of Homer Simpson
Full Name: Homer Jay Simpson
Height: 6 feet
Weight: Depends on the episode. Homer has weighed between 239 pounds and 300 pounds.
Age/Birthdate: Again depends on the episode. Could be 17-23-56, 05-12-56 or 05-10-55.
Social Security Number: 568-47-0008
Blood Type: B positive
Earmuff Size: XL
Homer has had many life-long dreams. Some of them include Monorail conductor, run out on a baseball field during a game, manage a beautiful country singer, eat the world´s biggest hoagie, be a blackjack dealer, appear on "The Gong Show", to own the Dallas Cowboys, to live in the woods and bowling a perfect game.
He has also won several awards, including the 1st Annual Montgomery Burns Award For Outstanding Achievement In The Field Of Excellence, Grammy for "outstanding soul, spoken word, or barbershop album of the year with the B-Sharps and a medal for "making what could have been a Chernobyl into Three Mile Island."
Homer is also full of nuggets of wisdom.
Following are some of my favorite words of advice he has given.
• "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."
• "If something´s hard to do then it´s not worth doing."
• "Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."
He also waxes philosophical about beer.
• "Beer. Now there´s a temporary solution."
• "To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life´s problems."
• "Homer no function beer well without."
Finally, here are a few of my favorite Homer Simpson prayers.
• "Lord help me, I´m just not that bright."
• "Dear God, give a bald guy a break."
• "As God as my witness, I´ll always be hungry again!"
Homer Simpson continues to be a favorite character for many fans. After reading about his life and philosophies, it´s easy to see why.