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How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?

 
Anonymous Coward
04/29/2005 02:42 AM
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How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
This kid has tested my limits repeatedly. Heīs 20, has sapped his dad (my husband) of more than 15,000.00 (yes, THOUSAND) in the last year, including bail money for being picked up for unpaid traffic tickets. He is dense and in my opinion, borderline retarded. He doesnīt work, doesnīt want to work, has absolutely no ambition to succeed....and my husband continues to throw money at him with every sob story. His driverīs license was recently suspended. With no car and no job, hubby offered to allow him to move in with us. Hubby and I have a home-based business. Stepson was given this, our home, as a place to live and work, a source of income you know. Not good enough for the dirt bag. Doesnīt want to live with his Dad and I. He found a girl and moved in with her, but continued to have access to our home. So, he abuses the privelege at any hour he feels like strolling in. A few weeks ago, he has the unmitigated gall to bring his girlfriend here at 130 AM for a sleepover. I was outraged. He shows up while hubby and I are lying around in our pajamas. I take serious offense to this behavior, but hubby writes it off and screams at me for wanting some rules and conditions abided by. It never ends. Husband continues to throw money at him. Husband and I are fighting like cats and dogs. I see husbandīs behavior as rewarding and reinforcing stepsonīs obvious problems. Husband screams and yells that it is none of my business. To hell, I say. It is my business when this 20 year old wash-out has access to MY home. Is it a mortal sin to wish that someone would just disappear off the planet? I find myself wishing this worthless slacker some serious harm, and I hate myself for it.
Mrdjs7
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
Tell him either he goes to boot camp, or he is going to have to live in a shelter for 2 months. If he makes either choice, tell him he can come back home ONLY if he has found a job and intends on paying rent.
JustaBabe
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
Time for you to move on, sorry to say that, but your husband does not seem to realise what the present situation is doing to his family.
rrick
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
Thats a tough deal you are probably going to lose, make your plans now. Wish you the best
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
Husbandīs latest rant at me was īdonīt force me to choose between my son and you."

I am at my witīs end. Anything this kid wants, husband provides. He wonīt acknowledge that he is reinforcing stepsonīs behavior. He just doesnīt see it.

Stepson constantly lies, husband constantly believes the lies.
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
have to agree with Justababe time to move on.
The husband has as much growing up to do as the loser kid... like father like son?
you deserve better
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
not to be mean but how long did you know this guy before you got married? did you not see any warning signals about the sons behavior and his relationship with your husband?

marriage generally does not solve issues but seems to bring them to the surface.

if hubby donīt get it iīd bail as previously stated.
Mrdjs7
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
JustaBabe
User ID: 88
4/29/2005
2:48 am EDT

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Time for you to move on, sorry to say that, but your husband does not seem to realise what the present situation is doing to his family.

---------------------------------------

On second thought, for your own sanity, I concur with the above statement. I suppose if you packed and left, he might realize that your serious. I would also leave a note saying that you donīt wish his son or him harm, but that he would grow up to be a man and that you will come back only when that happens, if, at all.
C-all
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
This young man needs some time to get back on the rails. The fact that your husband is siding with your stepson over you is a sign that your marriage is in deep dogie-doo. You are going to end up with a lot of your husbandīs assets but you will die alone because your heart has room for only one person in your life... YOU!

Sad, but I tell it like I see it.

Oh, and your hubby: Heīll remarry a younger and more easy going woman and be very happy.

Your stepson will eventually find a girl that will accept him as a "man of leisure" and keep him happy until he grows into a man.

I wish you all happyness sigh
daleth
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
your huband is a jerk

aiding and abetting
C-all
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
This young man needs some time to get back on the rails. The fact that your husband is siding with your stepson over you is a sign that your marriage is in deep dogie-doo. You are going to end up with a lot of your husbandīs assets but you will die alone because your heart has room for only one person in your life... YOU!

Sad, but I tell it like I see it.

Oh, and your hubby: Heīll remarry a younger and more easy going woman and be very happy.

Your stepson will eventually find a girl that will accept him as a "man of leisure" and keep him happy until he grows into a man.

I wish you all happyness sigh
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
Weīve been together six years. Stepson had been living with his mother in another city. Stepson quit high school as a senior a few years ago and enrolled in an expensive trade school near us. Hubby paid for all expenses there. Stepson graduated trade school several months ago and never expressed the slightest interest in interviewing for a job. It was all a waste of time and money while stepson had a two year, all expenses paid vacation. Husband suffers from the illusion that this kid will one day be successful, that all he needs is a īchanceī - to which I say that STEPSON must find that chance - The chance does NOT find him
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
Time for marriage counselling, dear.

You two will have to negotiate, come up with some rules and you will have to accept the situation after that.

God bless.
C-all
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
This young man needs some time to get back on the rails. The fact that your husband is siding with your stepson over you is a sign that your marriage is in deep dogie-doo. You are going to end up with a lot of your husbandīs assets but you will die alone because your heart has room for only one person in your life... YOU!

Sad, but I tell it like I see it.

Oh, and your hubby: Heīll remarry a younger and more easy going woman and be very happy.

Your stepson will eventually find a girl that will accept him as a "man of leisure" and keep him happy until he grows into a man.

I wish you all happyness sigh
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
sorry op,

had an aunt whoīs son (my cousin) was a habitual thief. he stole from everyone in the family from us cousins, his siblings, his mother and grandparents.

yet she refused to admonish him and after many years alienated herself from most of the family. she would bitch about giving him another chance, after another chance... ad nauseum, but the story would always end the same way. he would leave with as many of her possessions as possible only to come back a few years later wanting another chance. eventually most of us got tired of listening to it... stupid is as stupid does.

some people will never give up on their bad-egg children, be careful.

best wishes.
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
I am beginning to see that this is true of my husband. I think I must protest too damn much, that if I just kept my mouth shut and let stepson run us into bankruptcy, that everything would work out fine between husband and I. However, that isnīt me. The solution to it all may be to just leave
c -all
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
Sorry for the triple posts. I just setup a new router and I havenīt gotten all the bugs worked out yet. dcomp
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
depends on how much you got wrapped up in the marriage and in the home business. if its not too much, say "fuck it" and leave. if you donīt think youīd be able to the survive emotional and financial hardship, find a good place to hide īsomethingī, someplace no one would find īitī until long after youīre dead.
nink nink wudge wudge.

think of it as "cleaning the pool"
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
How about you stop stressing your husband out with his OWN family problems and focus more on yourself. Maybe you just need to move on since you canīt stand the fact that his son stands between you and him, at least thatīs the impression I get. His son sounds like a real pain in the ass, but after all itīs his son.
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:07 AM
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Re: How do you keep a deadbeat stepson from destroying your marriage?
in regards to 566

my father always told me not to make him choose between me and my mother (or any other SO) as his mate was the one he chose and i was just a by-product of that choice.

it didnīt mean that he didnīt love me, it just meant that he chooses his partner first and that children arenīt a choice but come as they are.

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