Serious Shit here... My Delima, not even sure why I trust to put this out there to you people...

But it has been eating me up inside for the last 8 months.

I know I post here most times with my warped sense of humour, but I do think, I am concerend about what is going on in this world, and I do educate myself. I chose a while back to no longer fight those battles on an online forum, well, the last time I did, I got banned. I can be passionate.

I don't want to get into the past, as it is a long one, and what happens in ones life happens for a reason. Lets jsut say I never lived an easy road.

Right now, I got a really good job, and I excel at it.. I make a nice wage that most people would not believe, me included, no, its not three figures, but its close.. and for a numbut kid like me thats pretty good considering I never thought I would live to 30 when I was in my teens.

However, this job comes at a price...I feel like I am working for the global elite, all of the high end finacial corporations have space in our facitlities.. Its starting to become a moral issue.

Rewind to about 8 months ago, I met this woman online who lives in Croatia, a journalist. A women who is as intelligent as she is beautifull, and we struck up a very close relationship through emails and online conversations. I would say she is my soulmate, I think she would say the same.

She purchased over 10 acres of land in Croatia recently and is going to be holdinng shamanistic and spiritual workshops there, I have the offer to move there to be part of this with nothing on my end. Seems silly not to go right?

The fact that every deep realtionship I have ever been in ended up in heartbreak for myself makes me leary of giving up everything here to travel across the world, only to have this happen again.

Aslo there are some serious family issues going on, my twin sister with two young children is getting divorced, my step father has jsut been diagnosed with colon cancer, and my father is starting to look old.

I would feels selfish living my dream... I tell myself, maybe in the next life....

then I think, what if there is no next life.

HAWK-O