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Best GLP Rant Evah from my thread Last night - Deserved its own ThrEad

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User ID: 805698
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07/01/2010 07:02 AM
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Best GLP Rant Evah from my thread Last night - Deserved its own ThrEad
can you continue the drama?

from this thread LOL

Thread: !!! Get Ready... Start Practicing !!! (Page 6)
Was the video shot on one of those GLP training camps? afro

I’m assuming that you know where I’m going with this. I’m going to start at the beginning anyway, just so you know where I was at emotionally. And so it’ll be easier to pad this post out.

It all started about four weeks ago at a rave I attended. I know what you’re thinking. What was a hot black chick doing at a party that is typically made up of nothing but white teenagers and glow-stick salesmen? Well let me just say this. A coke deal is a coke deal and money from fifteen-year-olds spends just like all the rest.

Anyway, when I arrived it appeared to be like any other rave. Shitty music, those striped hats from the Cat in the Hat, the laser sight from my crossbow fixed on the center of a tie-dyed shirt . . . you know, the usual. It wasn’t until I reached the crudely constructed bar at the back of the warehouse that I noticed something out of the ordinary. At the bar stood a Korean kid that couldn’t have been any older than fourteen, shaving his newly formed pubes and feeding them to an eighty-year-old Russian woman (who I later found out to be none other than my ex girlfriend CoolHandleLuke)
And standing next to them is what I’m talking about. It was then that I realised that it was none other than one of those GLP training camps.

There were the usual types one would expect to see at such an event, fat pudgy middle-aged geeks with thick glasses and long-term unemployed penises, weird mid-40 something scraggly, skanky alcoholic women with weird hair who looked they may have been random hookers who'd just happened to wander in off the street in the hope of scoring a few free beers and perhaps the odd white goods. At first I wandered around for a bit, you know, checking everything out, waiting for the e’s to kick in. There was this big 6 foot tall leather-daddy who smiled at me and motioned me over. He told me his name was “Bateman, Patrick Bateman” and began to unzip his fly. He reached inside and pull out his turtle head “TurtlesKnow!” he whispered.. “Wow!” I exclaimed, aren’t you just MrObvious tonight!
And then I laid eyes on TRINITY. I had never experienced true love untill that moment. Those of you who have met Trinity in person will know what I am talking about, and let me tell you, she is BEAUTIFUL.

Her long blond hair, short white skirt and platform heels literally made my nipples go hard, she is a truly stunning and beautiful woman. She was standing with a group of the other Mod's, right next to SHR, who had just got back from cheer-practice and was still wearing her cheerleader uniform, SHR had a really nice tan, long legs and long brown hair tied back in a ponytail, and looked so sexy and delicious in her cheer-gear that it made my mouth water.

As soon as our eyes locked, I knew I had to have her.
Usually when I want to hook with a woman I use the standard pick-up technique that we used with great success back at the F.B.I. training academy, but I didn't have any Rohypnol on me at the time, so realised that I was going to have to think outside the box in order to get inside hers.

Whilst these thought were going through my head, 9teen47 came over to talk to me. after a brief conversation about hummingbirds, I complemented her on her school uniform, shoes and M4 carbine at which point she handed me a chick tract then wandered back over watch Tessa, SmoulderinGal (who was smoking one of those giant foot-long cigars), Evil-twin and Subarcticbeef, who were busily engrossed playing their favourite game of 'guess how many dildo's can fit in the ass of this trolling A.C.'

It was about this time Pud came in struggling with the weight of this really big weird-looking heavy thing he was carrying. I asked him what the hell it was and he told me it was his virginity. It turns out he was looking for somewhere to offload it, but as none of the girls wanted to take it, and due to OH&S regulations, the council wouldn't let him dump it at the tip, so he had to carry it around with him everywhere he went untill he found somewhere to stick it. I wished him well, and kindly suggested he try offering it to NikkiLaVey at which point he smiled, thanked me and walked off looking happy, dragging his big huge sack of virginity behind him. I saw him later on that night a free man.

Ok, I’m not normally one to bitch, but whoever was in charge of the catering on that night needs to be fired. Out of a cannon. Into the sun.
The food sucked alright because the only thing there to eat was tunafishsammiches, and she had a yeast infection (which sort of made up for the lack of dip) all in all it was quite a P3STIL3NC3. Suddenly there was a bit of a commotion, so we all turned around as TxGal4Truth walked into the room, promptly stuck her nose in the air, batted her eyelids, squinted at Pud, then promptly walked straight back out again.

I needed to see grrttstar for resons best left umentioned, so I decided to go ask ttowngrl was slumped, passed out at the bar, face down in a pool of vomit, vodka and ammonium nitrate. I had to shake her at first (so hard that my new… errr.. I mean her wallet fell out onto the floor along with a wad of 50’s), She drooled a lot at first, but finally mumbled something about how grrttstar had wandered off into the bush by herself earlier on and been picked off by some big carnivorous predator within seconds. Damn it! Now I’ll never know if she tested positive as well.

At this point Lady Laura Croft came in screaming, swearing, ranting, frothing at the mouth and acting like an Irrational Cherub. She immediately began to punch any and every man she saw in the face, there were tin-foil hats flying everywhere, and geeks running and screaming, running for their basements and calling for their mummies. It was very Illuminaughty of her. Hillcrest, who had sat in the corner with her legs crossed all night saying nothing suddenly decided to stand up and start throwing random B.S. flag’s.

One of the stray B.S. flags hit 9teen47, who shrieked some aVian scripture at us in Japanese, raised her hands and roared to the heavens, then promptly opened up on the crowd with her M4. Now was my chance!!! In between the staccato sound of machine-gun fire, splatters of blood, running geeks and flying brain matter I ran over to Trinity and slipped my hand into hers. Our eyes met and the feeling was electric.. URghhhHHhhhhH!!! It really WAS electric, actually it turned out was a tazer, and I groaned in ecstacy as she ground it into my crotch smiling, giggling and squeeling with delight. Our lips met and we fell to the floor together “BAN ME! BAN ME!” I screamed!

I felt SHR’s ponytail brush against my face as she grabbed both our hands, I turned .Purple. and there was no denying that suggestive look in her eyes. I felt as if all my fantasia’s were coming true at once. I felt something hard in her crotch (no, she wasn’t happy to see me, it was a gun) she grabbed both our hands and pulled us to our feet and we ran off into the night. Somehow I knew it was going to be a looooong night together for the three of us heiding in Dbunker, I hoped to at least Nailer'45 times!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1021301

"When plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in society, they create for themselves, in the course of time, a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it."
- Frédéric Bastiat

food, water, ammo, weapons, battery back up solar, hand well pump, wood stove and 1 year of food...oh yeah PM's too...good luck
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1018349
United States
07/01/2010 07:29 AM
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Re: Best GLP Rant Evah from my thread Last night - Deserved its own ThrEad
How the hell do you follow something like this? Obviously, all the good drugs were consumed in its creation.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 982560
07/01/2010 07:36 AM
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Re: Best GLP Rant Evah from my thread Last night - Deserved its own ThrEad
wtf is this..LOL...lmao

User ID: 1002516
07/01/2010 09:19 AM
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Re: Best GLP Rant Evah from my thread Last night - Deserved its own ThrEad
wish i was there,sounds like a good time,missed all the drama.