OP, God called and wanted me to tell you that you are embarrassing Him. Even if you're an Onion contributor and used to writing satire, you've jumped the shark.

You don't know if God is the boss of Earth's creator. Yeah, that's right! What if there is a bigger God than the Earth's creator? Wrap your tiny brain around that...

Folks ~ you have to be pretty strong spiritually to be able to withstand the doctrines of organized religion. Mostly, because of people who think like the OP.