Please don't laugh at this situation. I know it's odd but try to not comment with jokes. Ive become sensitive to this subject, I wont ever tell anyone in real life.

Ive been doing the same ritual since 1985. The ritual is 3-5 times a week, after work(2nd shift), I drive around and smoke pot and listen to thrash metal. Ive been doing this since the 1980's. Just for this I feel that Ive wasted my life. In 1988, my buddy had a Metallica Master of Puppets tape. I heard the song "Leper Messiah" in his car and it changed my reality. I bought the tape the next day.

I began listening to this song Leper Messiah religiously. Probably 20 times a week. Sometimes up to a 100 times a week. There was no other thrill better for me than to fire up a joint, follow it up with a cig and put on Leper Messiah and drive around.

I eventually was doing this into the mid 90's. Noone knew. People assumed I had a life. That I was going to girlfriends homes or going to sports parties after work. Little did they know that I was bat shyt addicted to this song(and the whole tape/cd in general). The song/cd never got old.

In and around 2002, I started getting sick minded. I was getting paranoid delusions of James Hetfield screaming at me. That he was the devil. This devil was in my mind. It could talk to me. It was talking to me. It looked just like Hetfield from the 1980's. It was mostly on a stage talking. I could envision it.

I started having nightmares about a Leper Messiah. I would wake up in a panic sweating, look around the room to find nothing. I would search my closet under my bed. Nothing. I eventually contemplated finding James Hetfield and assassinating him. This I found was the only thing I could do.

Around a year ago I burned my metallica cds. I stopped smoking pot for 7 months or so. Then 4 months ago, I smoked a few hits of weed in my buddies car and the first thing that happened was James Hetfield was stareing at me. Grinding his teeth, sweat oozing out of his skin. Dirty reddish blond hair and dirty red beard hair all over the place. The most scary expression on his face. I started panicking in my buddies car. He was freaked out and drove me home. I got home and got right in my car and raced to wal-mart to try to find Metallica Master of Puppets. My only solution to my problem was to confront the song one more time. They didnt have it. I got back in my car and left in a panic. I went home and got on the internet and downloaded it. When I played the song, it intensified my fear. I was panicking to death. I ran outside and all I could think about was "Leper Messiah, James Hetfield DEATH DIE REPEAT". I didnt sleep that night.


I still have an irrational fear of James Hetfield to this day. I dont know what to do, what can I do?