after a year of being unemployed, just got hired...

Glad you got a job OP!

Get ready.....I used to work for the airlines. Passengers are mean. Especially, during Holiday Season. And now with all the TSA BS?

Good Luck with that.

anyways my first day, this sweet red head was telling me how i was violating her constitutional rights by grabbing her in her private areas

i told her that due to the increase in terrorism since 9/11, everybody is a suspect until proven otherwise, this is to ensure the safety of the flight crew and all the passengers mam, now please lift up your arms so i can examine your breasts

anyways she had a g-string on and the x-rays also revealed a tattoo of a rose on her left butt cheek

she had incredible breasts i might add, her boyfriend looked like he wanted to punch me in the face but i looked at him fiercely while unbuckling my taser harness

this other guy was telling me how can i sleep at night, i told him i sleep fine knowing that i'm doing something to fight terrorism and protecting the overall populace from any acts of terrorism

he must be a glper, he looked at me with disgust as i went through his luggage, the guy was packing loads of condoms, guess his destination?

thailand

yep

when i was unemployed people was telling me i was a freeloader of the system and that i should get a job

and now that i have a well paying job, they are telling me i'm violating their civil rights by patting them down and grabbing their privates?

you can't please everybody!

the funny thing is, there was this guy wearing a pink shirt who talked like a you know what

he kept insisting to me to check his crotch just to make sure it's safe down there

i said sure but i thought 3 times was already enough?

some young punk looked at me and said "don't taze me bro"

and i told him to call the amberlamps

Fuggin' Gold.

I had an experience where there was a guy, who ummm, was a special case kinda guy, who was my inseam measurements. And he held his hand next to my teabag for an expended amount of time, which made me feel kinda uncomfortable.

...but when he was through, I went ahead and bought the shoes anyway.

LOL

my name is jay santos i also work with the citizen's auxiliary police

sounds like you got the right boot licking attitude for the job i hope you get fired you piece of trash!

we made one woman disrobe because she had something dangling between her thighs

turns out it was a tampon

I remember back in the day I used to work the door at an after hours club... the women would show up already having a good time they would insist I search them completely! And I mean completely.

there was an old lady that had a gypsy type garment around her head, we mistook her for a muslim and demanded her take off the burka

she hissed and spit on us in some gypsy language, we had to tackle her there because we thought the next words were going to be allah akbar or something like that

we once detain an african male because we thought he was packing explosives

turns out it was just his penis

I think this is what you would call, satire.

almost every other female going through the x-ray scanners appeared to be packing some anomalies located near their vagina

it took days to figure out they were just unshaven pubic hair

some of them look like they were sporting a chia pet or afro

wait a minute! 3 months ago you guys were all praying for me when i posted that thread about going homeless

and now you are wishing for me to get fired?

gasp!

when ever an chinamen goes through the scanners we all giggle and tell him it's okay, you're average!

U dirty American pig. I am never coming to your country ! Good luck with all that ! I hope someone finds out where u live and does your constitution a favor.

Eat a dick u piece of shit!

sir, excuse me, at the time we thought he had something strapped to his stomach

turns out due to the length of his penis he had to tie it around his stomach with shoe strings

he got cleared of all charges

once we told a suspicious brown man to stop and he wouldn't listen

he kept walking towards the terminal, we had to gang tackle him and my partner ended putting him in a sleeper hold

turns out he was a deaf man from brazil with autism

there was this suspicious lady with a huge bump on her stomach

we had to take her to a room and question what was really there

she told us she was pregnant

we thought otherwise

turns out she was indeed pregnant with twins



since she broke water and gave birth in the room right there

I will be coming in to Sea-Tac Monday night on Lufthansa. I am a heavy set blond guy coming in from Germany on German passport. I have both legs in casts. You try to grab a handful you will need both hands. It might make my leg twitch and swing up into your face breaking the cast. And we don't want that to happen do we? Have fun kiddies.

we will have to do multiple screenings and x-rays to make sure you are who you say you are

if we racial profile and just go after brown people, we would called racists for discriminating against them

so our jobs is easier now that everyone is a suspect

no discrimination indeed!

one time we made this elderly lady remove her dentures because she was also carrying some tube like substance with it, insisting she needed it to keep the dentures in her mouth from falling off, she called it "poligrip"

we thought otherwise

a tube like substance for your teeth? yeah right!

once this black guy who said he was a famous rapper came demanding vip treatment

we told him we treat everyone the same

i think he said his name was half a dollar?

i'm like what type of rap name is that?

Five star humor.

Thanks for the laughs.