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I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1130234
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11/20/2010 06:51 PM
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I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
So, I've been watching the wild colleen and the little grandmother,and been reading Clif and am wondering how I can jump on the bandwagon. Looking for good advice.

Should I focus on earth changes,sun sickness,2012 Mayan mumbo jumbo,illuminazis? I'm part choctaw and chickasaw and have been in the sweatss, should I add that part too?
Mister ObviousModerator
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11/20/2010 06:53 PM

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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
1. Wait until you have at least 5 videos on your page before you go around sending people annoying fucking messages to subscribe to your stupid channel.

2. Don't send people messages asking them to subscribe to your stupid fucking channel... instead, send them a friend request.

3. If you have to ask GLP what you should make videos about, then chances are you don't have anything to genuinely share and you just want a piece of the spotlight.

Good luck.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1130234
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11/20/2010 06:57 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
1. Wait until you have at least 5 videos on your page before you go around sending people annoying fucking messages to subscribe to your stupid channel.

2. Don't send people messages asking them to subscribe to your stupid fucking channel... instead, send them a friend request.

3. If you have to ask GLP what you should make videos about, then chances are you don't have anything to genuinely share and you just want a piece of the spotlight.

Good luck.
 Quoting: Mister Obvious


G-d forbid! I have nothing to offer that would be worth a plug nickle. I just want to make enough money to buy up some silver and build my little hidey hole out in the Chaco.
Maybe settle down with some Toba folk until the dust settles.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1130234
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11/20/2010 06:58 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
1. Wait until you have at least 5 videos on your page before you go around sending people annoying fucking messages to subscribe to your stupid channel.

2. Don't send people messages asking them to subscribe to your stupid fucking channel... instead, send them a friend request.

3. If you have to ask GLP what you should make videos about, then chances are you don't have anything to genuinely share and you just want a piece of the spotlight.

Good luck.
 Quoting: Mister Obvious


Thanks, btw, for the good advice.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1156769
United States
11/20/2010 06:59 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
make some videos about how all the new age nonsense is a bunch of bastardized half-truths and bullshit.
New Age Messiah

User ID: 782948
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11/20/2010 07:00 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
So, I've been watching the wild colleen and the little grandmother,and been reading Clif and am wondering how I can jump on the bandwagon. Looking for good advice.

Should I focus on earth changes,sun sickness,2012 Mayan mumbo jumbo,illuminazis? I'm part choctaw and chickasaw and have been in the sweatss, should I add that part too?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1130234


Be really serious and make up really crazy stuff about being visited and having a vision.
ScrumpTheTexan
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User ID: 1143284
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11/20/2010 07:02 PM

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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
1. Show your boobs (even if you're male) it helps validate your guru-ship.

2. No matter if you're a 30's housewife, make yourself a bitchin name like 'Little Grandmother'... and call yourself something really 'mythical' like... Shaman.

3. Claim to know the *aliens, spirit guides, wingmakers, nephalim, pledians, arcturians, moon-walkers, watchers, Aton, Enki, or the Teletubbies*... personally... and claim to have a message from them.

4. Don't be Candace, Russ, NAM, or Brad Watson.

5. Show your boobs.
I am a Christian.

Christian does not equal doormat or pushover.

SickOfItAll

"I Have Sworn upon the Altar of God... Eternal Hostility against every form of Tyranny over the mind of man." -Thomas Jefferson, Sep. 23, 1800

MedinaD
For previous Newsletters, click 'Scrump's News Letters' @ [link to www.godlikeproductions.com]
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1130234
United States
11/20/2010 07:05 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
1. Show your boobs (even if you're male) it helps validate your guru-ship.

2. No matter if you're a 30's housewife, make yourself a bitchin name like 'Little Grandmother'... and call yourself something really 'mythical' like... Shaman.

3. Claim to know the *aliens, spirit guides, wingmakers, nephalim, pledians, arcturians, moon-walkers, watchers, Aton, Enki, or the Teletubbies*... personally... and claim to have a message from them.

4. Don't be Candace, Russ, NAM, or Brad Watson.

5. Show your boobs.
 Quoting: ScrumpTheTexan


Man Boobs,maybe I can add some "war paint" and claim that the spirits of the picts and the choctaw have spoken to me about how all tribal peoples must throw off their clothing and paint their bodies purple before the sun sends out that final cme.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1149370
United States
11/20/2010 07:13 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
1. Show your boobs (even if you're male) it helps validate your guru-ship.

2. No matter if you're a 30's housewife, make yourself a bitchin name like 'Little Grandmother'... and call yourself something really 'mythical' like... Shaman.

3. Claim to know the *aliens, spirit guides, wingmakers, nephalim, pledians, arcturians, moon-walkers, watchers, Aton, Enki, or the Teletubbies*... personally... and claim to have a message from them.

4. Don't be Candace, Russ, NAM, or Brad Watson.

5. Show your boobs.
 Quoting: ScrumpTheTexan

This is solid advice from Scrump. I would suggest adding:

1. Give detailed accounts of your multiple NDEs (near death experiences), especially if you have a message 'from the other side.'

2. Give detailed accounts about your past lives, especially if you were someone important/famous or participated in some historically significant event.

3. Show your boobs...again.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1133300
United States
11/20/2010 07:15 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
So, I've been watching the wild colleen and the little grandmother,and been reading Clif and am wondering how I can jump on the bandwagon. Looking for good advice.

Should I focus on earth changes,sun sickness,2012 Mayan mumbo jumbo,illuminazis? I'm part choctaw and chickasaw and have been in the sweatss, should I add that part too?


Be really serious and make up really crazy stuff about being visited and having a vision.
 Quoting: New Age Messiah

blame gay community for everything!!
Mister ObviousModerator
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11/20/2010 07:15 PM

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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
G-d forbid! I have nothing to offer that would be worth a plug nickle. I just want to make enough money to buy up some silver and build my little hidey hole out in the Chaco.
Maybe settle down with some Toba folk until the dust settles.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1130234




YouTubers don't really make that much money...

I'd say with 2000-5000 subscribers you might make $25 a month.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1130234
United States
11/20/2010 07:15 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
really excellent advice. Keep it coming.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1130234
United States
11/20/2010 07:17 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
G-d forbid! I have nothing to offer that would be worth a plug nickle. I just want to make enough money to buy up some silver and build my little hidey hole out in the Chaco.
Maybe settle down with some Toba folk until the dust settles.




YouTubers don't really make that much money...

I'd say with 2000-5000 subscribers you might make $25 a month.
 Quoting: Mister Obvious

I'm willing to go on the road after gaining some fans. I get Project Camelot to host me at one of their conferences.
Maybe write a book. The options are endless.
3e

User ID: 1155923
Poland
11/20/2010 07:17 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
grow a beard, get a celebrity to be part of your cult.

Last Edited by 3e on 11/20/2010 07:19 PM
Pin For Truth!!!!
User ID: 1092509
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11/20/2010 07:17 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
really excellent advice. Keep it coming.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1130234


Show your boobs!

5a
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1130234
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11/20/2010 07:17 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
O yeah, I'll sell my contact transcipts for $9.95 online.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1130234
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11/20/2010 07:18 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
grow a beard, get a celebrity to be part of your cult.
 Quoting: 3e

Beard is already started.
3e

User ID: 1155923
Poland
11/20/2010 07:20 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
grow a beard, get a celebrity to be part of your cult.

Beard is already started.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1130234

good, now find a not liked politician and call him antychrist.
that should make you hit news if you do it loud.

oh and find some really weird country with some crazy monarch ruling in the past, and tell everyone you are direct descendant +/or have alien origins.

you may also dye ALL you'r hair some weird color, preferably blonde or gray, combined with beard and long hair that should make you stand out.

Last Edited by 3e on 11/20/2010 07:24 PM
Mister ObviousModerator
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11/20/2010 07:22 PM

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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
Wheezywaituh... dun dundundun.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1169564
Brazil
11/20/2010 07:23 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
Study something than give a real contribution. Meanwhile, fuck off.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1149370
United States
11/20/2010 07:25 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
grow a beard, get a celebrity to be part of your cult.

Beard is already started.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1130234

It has got to be a 'crazy beard' like this guy's:

Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1130234
United States
11/20/2010 07:25 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
Study something than give a real contribution. Meanwhile, fuck off.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1169564


I sense a troulbed vibration emanating from this Brasil entity.
3e

User ID: 1155923
Poland
11/20/2010 07:27 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
Study something than give a real contribution. Meanwhile, fuck off.


I sense a troulbed vibration emanating from this Brasil entity.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1130234

very good, you got talking right, next time also call him demonic...

Last Edited by 3e on 11/20/2010 07:27 PM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1170468
Australia
11/20/2010 07:28 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
give advice (wishy washy is the best)

dont ask for it ( especially from us)
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1130234
United States
11/20/2010 07:29 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
Study something than give a real contribution. Meanwhile, fuck off.


I sense a troulbed vibration emanating from this Brasil entity.

very good, you got talking right, next time also call him demonic...
 Quoting: 3e

There is clearly some tension between the demonic and the angelic strata in this entity. I think if he could just give into the feminine samba vibe he would be filled with angelic warrior energy and not demonic warrior energy.
3e

User ID: 1155923
Poland
11/20/2010 07:33 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
Study something than give a real contribution. Meanwhile, fuck off.


I sense a troulbed vibration emanating from this Brasil entity.

very good, you got talking right, next time also call him demonic...

There is clearly some tension between the demonic and the angelic strata in this entity. I think if he could just give into the feminine samba vibe he would be filled with angelic warrior energy and not demonic warrior energy.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1130234

nice.... when recording a video get someone to turn lights on and off at some point. tell everyone that always happens, and it's your energy, same on conferences.

Last Edited by 3e on 11/20/2010 07:33 PM
Anonymous Coward
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11/20/2010 07:35 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
keep a dildo in each pocket on high at all times to raise vibration. go vegan. stop showering
3e

User ID: 1155923
Poland
11/20/2010 07:38 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
get some paper, write some "god laws" on it, Xerox it 20 times last time on some old paper, tell everyone aliens gave it to you. you may also invent own language for that.
ScrumpTheTexan
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User ID: 1143284
United States
11/20/2010 07:39 PM

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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
1. Show your boobs (even if you're male) it helps validate your guru-ship.

2. No matter if you're a 30's housewife, make yourself a bitchin name like 'Little Grandmother'... and call yourself something really 'mythical' like... Shaman.

3. Claim to know the *aliens, spirit guides, wingmakers, nephalim, pledians, arcturians, moon-walkers, watchers, Aton, Enki, or the Teletubbies*... personally... and claim to have a message from them.

4. Don't be Candace, Russ, NAM, or Brad Watson.

5. Show your boobs.

This is solid advice from Scrump.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1149370


:mmmmhmm:

2. Give detailed accounts about your past lives, especially if you were someone important/famous or participated in some historically significant event.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1149370


They're all descendants/reincarnations of someone/thing important or famous... and they seem to all insist on giving detailed accounts... :O

3. Show your boobs...again.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1149370



:mmmmhmm:
I am a Christian.

Christian does not equal doormat or pushover.

SickOfItAll

"I Have Sworn upon the Altar of God... Eternal Hostility against every form of Tyranny over the mind of man." -Thomas Jefferson, Sep. 23, 1800

MedinaD
For previous Newsletters, click 'Scrump's News Letters' @ [link to www.godlikeproductions.com]
Lola
User ID: 1169288
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11/20/2010 07:44 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
If you can look like him, I'll gladly donate, also clean and cook and do your laundry...
I take it you're a male??

[link to www.firstpeople.us]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1170550
Australia
11/20/2010 07:51 PM
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Re: I want to become a new age guru on youtube. Any advice?
conflate christian scripture with multitudes of spurious characters- be sure to give them Latinate names, and invent an enormous heavenly bureaucracy.

call yourself by a hebrew name, and claim descent through the merovee kings as a descendant of Jesus.

make sure to monetise your flock with a 10% weekly direct debit from their paypal account and remember to register as a church so you no longer pay any taxes.

It is a pretty well trodden path so you should find it easy.
do not molest the kids and you should be able to milk it for life.

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