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how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?

 
fillantpre
User ID: 655492
United States
12/14/2010 04:28 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
Bend her over her walker and pound that dusty snatch until her dentures fall out.


I want to be insulted, but it's too damn funny.

So, nobody had any knitting references?

Knit her some granny panties?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1194722




education my dear: most 50 year old women are in menopause......that's where we pause to think about whether we really want a man in our life aggravating us for the rest of our freaking life that acts like we are their Mommy.......

Granny pants knitted would be too hot.........

try thongs.......
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 967614
United States
12/14/2010 04:36 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
I'm pretty sure we need a bingo joke, also...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 830513
Australia
12/14/2010 04:39 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
You need some pest control for the cobwebs and a street sweeper to rid her pussy of dust. Then commence cunnilingus
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 967614
United States
12/14/2010 04:41 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
Come on, guys...no references to ancient tattoos? I like Ike? Nothing...you're all sleeping in.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 377864
United States
12/14/2010 05:06 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
Satisfy a smokin hot woman?

Simple.

Tell her to wear something sexy for a hot date.

Go to an upper class swing club and tell her that you will be waiting at the door 2 hours later to drive her home.

eyebat
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 967614
United States
12/14/2010 05:09 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
Satisfy a smokin hot woman?

Simple.

Tell her to wear something sexy for a hot date.

Go to an upper class swing club and tell her that you will be waiting at the door 2 hours later to drive her home.

eyebat
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 377864


huh?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1194727
United States
12/14/2010 05:16 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
theres just not much you can do since time has already fucked her reeeeeeaaaaaaaal good


or tag team it...

this guy looks down ----> banana2
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1194727



if all else fails you get 2 heavy duty balloons...

enter one into her anal cavity and one into her vagina...
proceed to blow them up until they reach a 10" diameter with in each of her holes.

dont worry the human skin is very stretchy...

upon completion of this DONT tie the ends. just make sure the air DOES NOT ESCAPE... go to your local pet store and get a baby frog, a small salamander and two small garden snakes. ALSO 1 LEECH. Enter the frog into the vagina and the salamander into the anal cavity within the baloons. maintain the diameter. they need space to breathe and move around. this adds to the pleasure of said 50 year old genitals...gets them sensitive and lubricated.

let each amphibian get to know their new home for a couple minutes. after about 5 minutes of play in their respective shelters attach the leech to her clitoris. at this point the miss will be screaming in pleasure...

now the fun begins...

stick the head of each garden snake in each hole so it may identify its prey.

let the reptiles in slowly so it doesnt attack right away...once they are in and shes gasping for air and biting the pillow..tie the ends of the ballons and run a piece of two inch ducktape over both holes and the leach...make sure all specemin are not allowed to escape...

proceed to punch her genetal region with much vigor. piss off the snakes so it attacks its prey. at this point the line between pleasure, pain and utter euphoric orgasm begins to blur. as the amphi jerkitbians are being devoured within their once protective layers and the fighting has stopped in their caves of protection feel free to take a sharp object and pierce the balloons trapping them inside their dens. as they begin to suffocate and die they will rapidly squirm about raising said female to an enlightened state of bliss..

release the leech and remove deceased snakes and any remains of their prey.

at this point objective should be complete and now you must move on to removing 50 year old cum from sheets and back to the corner where it came...

good luck

pump2
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1194756
Canada
12/14/2010 05:20 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
Live Hamster inside her butt.
fillantpre
User ID: 655492
United States
12/14/2010 05:22 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
theres just not much you can do since time has already fucked her reeeeeeaaaaaaaal good


or tag team it...

this guy looks down ----> banana2



if all else fails you get 2 heavy duty balloons...

enter one into her anal cavity and one into her vagina...
proceed to blow them up until they reach a 10" diameter with in each of her holes.

dont worry the human skin is very stretchy...

upon completion of this DONT tie the ends. just make sure the air DOES NOT ESCAPE... go to your local pet store and get a baby frog, a small salamander and two small garden snakes. ALSO 1 LEECH. Enter the frog into the vagina and the salamander into the anal cavity within the baloons. maintain the diameter. they need space to breathe and move around. this adds to the pleasure of said 50 year old genitals...gets them sensitive and lubricated.

let each amphibian get to know their new home for a couple minutes. after about 5 minutes of play in their respective shelters attach the leech to her clitoris. at this point the miss will be screaming in pleasure...

now the fun begins...

stick the head of each garden snake in each hole so it may identify its prey.

let the reptiles in slowly so it doesnt attack right away...once they are in and shes gasping for air and biting the pillow..tie the ends of the ballons and run a piece of two inch ducktape over both holes and the leach...make sure all specemin are not allowed to escape...

proceed to punch her genetal region with much vigor. piss off the snakes so it attacks its prey. at this point the line between pleasure, pain and utter euphoric orgasm begins to blur. as the amphi jerkitbians are being devoured within their once protective layers and the fighting has stopped in their caves of protection feel free to take a sharp object and pierce the balloons trapping them inside their dens. as they begin to suffocate and die they will rapidly squirm about raising said female to an enlightened state of bliss..

release the leech and remove deceased snakes and any remains of their prey.

at this point objective should be complete and now you must move on to removing 50 year old cum from sheets and back to the corner where it came...

good luck

pump2
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1194727




I'm glad I've never met you...............
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1194727
United States
12/14/2010 05:25 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
theres just not much you can do since time has already fucked her reeeeeeaaaaaaaal good


or tag team it...

this guy looks down ----> banana2



if all else fails you get 2 heavy duty balloons...

enter one into her anal cavity and one into her vagina...
proceed to blow them up until they reach a 10" diameter with in each of her holes.

dont worry the human skin is very stretchy...

upon completion of this DONT tie the ends. just make sure the air DOES NOT ESCAPE... go to your local pet store and get a baby frog, a small salamander and two small garden snakes. ALSO 1 LEECH. Enter the frog into the vagina and the salamander into the anal cavity within the baloons. maintain the diameter. they need space to breathe and move around. this adds to the pleasure of said 50 year old genitals...gets them sensitive and lubricated.

let each amphibian get to know their new home for a couple minutes. after about 5 minutes of play in their respective shelters attach the leech to her clitoris. at this point the miss will be screaming in pleasure...

now the fun begins...

stick the head of each garden snake in each hole so it may identify its prey.

let the reptiles in slowly so it doesnt attack right away...once they are in and shes gasping for air and biting the pillow..tie the ends of the ballons and run a piece of two inch ducktape over both holes and the leach...make sure all specemin are not allowed to escape...

proceed to punch her genetal region with much vigor. piss off the snakes so it attacks its prey. at this point the line between pleasure, pain and utter euphoric orgasm begins to blur. as the amphi jerkitbians are being devoured within their once protective layers and the fighting has stopped in their caves of protection feel free to take a sharp object and pierce the balloons trapping them inside their dens. as they begin to suffocate and die they will rapidly squirm about raising said female to an enlightened state of bliss..

release the leech and remove deceased snakes and any remains of their prey.

at this point objective should be complete and now you must move on to removing 50 year old cum from sheets and back to the corner where it came...

good luck

pump2




I'm glad I've never met you...............
 Quoting: fillantpre 655492



why? how do you know you have never met me? your probably my offspring to be honest
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 830513
Australia
12/14/2010 05:39 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
theres just not much you can do since time has already fucked her reeeeeeaaaaaaaal good


or tag team it...

this guy looks down ----> banana2



if all else fails you get 2 heavy duty balloons...

enter one into her anal cavity and one into her vagina...
proceed to blow them up until they reach a 10" diameter with in each of her holes.

dont worry the human skin is very stretchy...

upon completion of this DONT tie the ends. just make sure the air DOES NOT ESCAPE... go to your local pet store and get a baby frog, a small salamander and two small garden snakes. ALSO 1 LEECH. Enter the frog into the vagina and the salamander into the anal cavity within the baloons. maintain the diameter. they need space to breathe and move around. this adds to the pleasure of said 50 year old genitals...gets them sensitive and lubricated.

let each amphibian get to know their new home for a couple minutes. after about 5 minutes of play in their respective shelters attach the leech to her clitoris. at this point the miss will be screaming in pleasure...

now the fun begins...

stick the head of each garden snake in each hole so it may identify its prey.

let the reptiles in slowly so it doesnt attack right away...once they are in and shes gasping for air and biting the pillow..tie the ends of the ballons and run a piece of two inch ducktape over both holes and the leach...make sure all specemin are not allowed to escape...

proceed to punch her genetal region with much vigor. piss off the snakes so it attacks its prey. at this point the line between pleasure, pain and utter euphoric orgasm begins to blur. as the amphi jerkitbians are being devoured within their once protective layers and the fighting has stopped in their caves of protection feel free to take a sharp object and pierce the balloons trapping them inside their dens. as they begin to suffocate and die they will rapidly squirm about raising said female to an enlightened state of bliss..

release the leech and remove deceased snakes and any remains of their prey.

at this point objective should be complete and now you must move on to removing 50 year old cum from sheets and back to the corner where it came...

good luck

pump2
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1194727



I come for the doom, but i stay for the lulz
J-Rico

User ID: 1116423
United States
12/14/2010 11:11 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
Metamucil smoothie?


This is the funniest thing I've read all year.
Anyone getting severely offended by this *cough* filante pre *cough* really needs to develop a sense of humor.




sure you say that when you're an old farte and someone stereo types you as needing metamucil and depends......
 Quoting: fillantpre 655492


You really need to cheer up.
Good lord, you're probably one of the most bitter posters in GLP.

It's like someone pisses in your Bran Flakes with Prune juice and doesn't let you watch Matlock every morning.
Everyone dies, but not everyone lives.

:moranrico::Rico::moranrico:
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 717591
United States
12/14/2010 11:18 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
education my dear: most 50 year old women are in menopause......that's where we pause to think about whether we really want a man in our life aggravating us for the rest of our freaking life that acts like we are their Mommy.......


 Quoting: fillantpre 655492

MEN-O_ Pause.


take a break from men


had great men in my life.... the best lover for 12 years..... 10 years with a husband, 2 kids, lots of good/times.


now at 47- it is time for me! i am healthy, intelligent and fit. A yogini, spiritual. a teacher, sharing wisdom. Happy to be with myself.
Zeus2573

User ID: 960895
United States
12/14/2010 01:27 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
Metamucil smoothie?
 Quoting: v0rtex666


Bwahahahahahhahahahahah!!

Seriously though, if it hasn't been mentioned yet, you might want to ask Colleen Thomas this question OP.

Or, is the Op actually Colleen?

Hmmmmmmmmm........

~Zeus
Zeus2573 was an alter ego that never should have existed in the first place. Therefore, he has been laid to rest, never to return again. Brent has taken his place.
______________________________________
God is dead. ~Friedrich Nietzsche - 1882

Friedrich Nietzsche is dead. ~God - August 25, 1900
________________________________________________________​_______
Before God we are equally wise, and equally foolish. ~ Albert Einstein.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1195301
Canada
12/14/2010 04:04 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
alien03
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 992971
United States
12/14/2010 04:45 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
Double dong her then call Colleen Thomas for a reading.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 259490
United States
12/14/2010 04:48 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
Save it up and not masturbate for two weeks. Then unleash the monster and squirt that baby batter in the wretched cooch.
Nam Marine
User ID: 1170522
United States
12/14/2010 06:02 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
education my dear: most 50 year old women are in menopause......that's where we pause to think about whether we really want a man in our life aggravating us for the rest of our freaking life that acts like we are their Mommy.......



MEN-O_ Pause.


take a break from men


had great men in my life.... the best lover for 12 years..... 10 years with a husband, 2 kids, lots of good/times.


now at 47- it is time for me! i am healthy, intelligent and fit. A yogini, spiritual. a teacher, sharing wisdom. Happy to be with myself.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 717591


Do you know why divorce is so expensive?.
BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT, THAT'S WHY! sideways
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1195614
Canada
12/14/2010 10:22 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
s226
banana2
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1113553
United States
12/14/2010 10:25 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
Make her dinner and then clean the kitchen.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 717591
United States
12/14/2010 10:34 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
5 mins? Are you crazy? No, a real man can hold his orgasm while he helps the woman to concentrate on hers multiple times.
It's not about him,A man's greatest satisfaction is in being able to really please the woman in bed. If his skills are lacking, which alot of men are, sadly, then she gets cheated. And that does NOT impress her to you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1167102

true, i got a good man, he has great control, makes sure im satisfied multiple times, then he satisfies himself..... been together 12 years.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1195701
Canada
12/15/2010 12:48 AM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
Good Luck trying - enjoy the ride.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1196396
Canada
12/15/2010 04:10 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
butt
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 402164
United States
12/15/2010 04:13 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
You have to have a big ding-a-ling
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1196397
United States
12/15/2010 04:16 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
Haaaaahaaa! You fools who think she is old. I so wish that I could watch your faces when you are that age and you read age bias crapola like you've just written. You will be that age sooner than you think. Bunch of ass@ 20 and 30 something weenie whackers. Get real.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1196397
United States
12/15/2010 04:26 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
cupofjoe
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1136411
United States
12/15/2010 04:29 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
eat her ass and drop a Cleveland Steamer on her tits


How vile, and grotesque!

cruise
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1192718


LMAO!!!!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1184499
United States
12/15/2010 04:46 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
there is no such thing as a smokin hot 50 yr old
Coleen T
User ID: 1038663
United States
12/15/2010 04:54 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
there is no such thing as a smokin hot 50 yr old
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1184499

Fuck You Ass Hole. I know some aliens that don't share your view.
gamerprincess81

User ID: 1019351
United States
12/15/2010 04:55 PM
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Re: how would you satisfy a smokin' hot 50+ year old woman?
Metamucil smoothie?
 Quoting: v0rtex666


LOL!!
:gp81:

"Staring down the hole again. Hands upon my back again. Survival is my only friend. Terrified of what may come.."

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