Me too, I become my own worst enemy in protective mode, though. I become the thing I despise most... control freak. I see that potential in myself and it floors me every time. I think I'm past it, think I can relax the vigilance and not go in like the lion I was born under... then the urge hits me and I realize initiation never ends, lmao. Last night? I channeled the rage, the fierce warrior instinct into sex. Maybe that was the lesson in the first place.