Hi friend...:)
You seem to be taking a fair bit of flak on one hand, but on the other hand, you seem to have the support and friendship 0o others.

If you are comfortable to continue, I guess you will have to ask yourself to what end, and what will be achieved by continuing.

If you stop, you will have to seek to "fill the void" as it were and find some other things to give you the clarity, as it is clarity I believe you seek.

Anyway...have a big hug and know that you can always contact me.

Be well....dont let the turkeys get you down.