Quite often in my sleep, I hear these loud squeaking noises in my ear. It sounds like when you sit on a vinyl fabric chair, or when you run your finger across a balloon. Then when I awaken, the room smells terrible, like maybe Bigfoot was there during the night. I've noticed that this sort of thing occurs every time I eat Mexican food for supper.

So my question is, do you think the Mexican Illuminati is trying to brainwash me nocturnally? Perhaps to turn me into a dangerous assassin? And what's the connection with Bigfoot here? Could I be a secret shaman? What sort of aliens could do this to me? What planet might they come from?