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How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?

 
I'm May
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02/07/2011 03:20 AM

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How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Because I feel like I'm trapped in hell...A hell personally tailored to me, where certain things seem to revolve around me, and people make comments to me in passing, people who aren't even familiar enough to be called acquaintances, knowing things about me and my life as if my life story is world broadcast news and I'm the only one who doesn't get to watch.

Someone get me the fuck out of here?
And I Am
Anonymous Coward
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02/07/2011 03:22 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Because I feel like I'm trapped in hell...A hell personally tailored to me, where certain things seem to revolve around me, and people make comments to me in passing, people who aren't even familiar enough to be called acquaintances, knowing things about me and my life as if my life story is world broadcast news and I'm the only one who doesn't get to watch.

Someone get me the fuck out of here?
 Quoting: I'm May


Ultimately, you tailor your life after what you think you deserve.
Anonymous Coward
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02/07/2011 03:24 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Ultimately, you tailor your life after what you think you deserve.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1213083


Actually, i came to the same conclusion this night.
I start NOW to consciously decide on each day.
Mister ObviousModerator
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02/07/2011 03:24 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Meditate.
I'm May (OP)

User ID: 944713
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02/07/2011 03:26 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Because I feel like I'm trapped in hell...A hell personally tailored to me, where certain things seem to revolve around me, and people make comments to me in passing, people who aren't even familiar enough to be called acquaintances, knowing things about me and my life as if my life story is world broadcast news and I'm the only one who doesn't get to watch.

Someone get me the fuck out of here?
 Quoting: I'm May


Ultimately, you tailor your life after what you think you deserve.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1213083

I can honestly say I've never felt, in any life, that I deserve this. This is completely alien to me. Jussayin...
And I Am
Uggs

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02/07/2011 03:27 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Because I feel like I'm trapped in hell...A hell personally tailored to me, where certain things seem to revolve around me, and people make comments to me in passing, people who aren't even familiar enough to be called acquaintances, knowing things about me and my life as if my life story is world broadcast news and I'm the only one who doesn't get to watch.

Someone get me the fuck out of here?
 Quoting: I'm May



Build a spaceship out of cardboard, eat some magic brownees and take off.
I'm May (OP)

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02/07/2011 03:28 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Meditate.
 Quoting: Mister Obvious

Been difficult of late, but I'll keep trying. :\
And I Am
Mister ObviousModerator
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02/07/2011 03:30 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Been difficult of late, but I'll keep trying. :\
 Quoting: I'm May



Get yourself some meditating crystals...

Keep on trying...

[link to www.kacha-stones.com]

You'll see.

hf
I'm May (OP)

User ID: 944713
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02/07/2011 03:31 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Because I feel like I'm trapped in hell...A hell personally tailored to me, where certain things seem to revolve around me, and people make comments to me in passing, people who aren't even familiar enough to be called acquaintances, knowing things about me and my life as if my life story is world broadcast news and I'm the only one who doesn't get to watch.

Someone get me the fuck out of here?
 Quoting: I'm May



Build a spaceship out of cardboard, eat some magic brownees and take off.
 Quoting: Uggs

Tried that yesterday. Unfortunately, I'm back already. Shit blows. This planet fucking sucks.
And I Am
Anonymous Coward
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02/07/2011 03:33 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Because I feel like I'm trapped in hell...A hell personally tailored to me, where certain things seem to revolve around me, and people make comments to me in passing, people who aren't even familiar enough to be called acquaintances, knowing things about me and my life as if my life story is world broadcast news and I'm the only one who doesn't get to watch.

Someone get me the fuck out of here?
 Quoting: I'm May


Ultimately, you tailor your life after what you think you deserve.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1213083

I can honestly say I've never felt, in any life, that I deserve this. This is completely alien to me. Jussayin...
 Quoting: I'm May


I'm talking about the evil genius that is known as your subconscious mind. The way I see it, your conscious mind goes out into the world, and gets for you, what it thinks you want. Your sub conscious mind goes out into the world, and tries to manipulate the world into giving you, what it thinks you deserve. Just MHO.
stormer

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02/07/2011 03:36 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Every soul has a purpose...Live it!
peace
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery - Bob Marley
Anonymous Coward
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02/07/2011 03:42 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
OP. You're probably not looking for anecdotal feedback; but I would like to offer something just for consideration, please.

If I can't change my environment; I change my attitude.

And when I can't change my attitude, I change my environment.

Yes. You do need a break from it all. We all do from time to time.

If you are not currently keeping a journal, then grab a pen and paper and spill it. Write it all down.

Normally, when we sleep, our brains do their level best to sort through information, data, memories, etc...to determine how best to sort through it all, file it in the appropriate bin and discard anything extraneous.

If you haven't been getting enough sleep, this can play a huge part in the quality of you awake time. So, help your brain out by intervening to "clean up the clutter".

I really hope you're not suggesting anything extreme. But, if it is that bad for you right now, I hope at a minimum, that you will keep this thread alive, until it all gets sorted out.

;o)

hf
Anonymous Coward
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02/07/2011 03:42 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Because I feel like I'm trapped in hell...A hell personally tailored to me, where certain things seem to revolve around me, and people make comments to me in passing, people who aren't even familiar enough to be called acquaintances, knowing things about me and my life as if my life story is world broadcast news and I'm the only one who doesn't get to watch.
 Quoting: I'm May


Have you considered you may be being gang-stalked?

Rare, but it happens. I mean, apparently this whole GLP drama revolved around that. You can find lots of info online.

And if you haven't already, maybe go see a doctor, make sure there's nothing chemical going on?

Whatever you do, good luck, OP, and just remember that there are actually lots of good people out there. hf
I'm May (OP)

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02/07/2011 03:43 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
The body of this post isn't even the start of it. I've got a manic depressive fiancee who's very likely diving head first into the schizo affective stage, who was watching gay porn the other morning when I woke up, but even though I clearly saw a man's head moving vertically up and down over another person's groin region, he claims emphatically that it was straight porn.
I've got a chronic, progressive disease that keeps getting worse, financial strain that seems will never end, and an overload of people's ridiculously high expectations that I'll never be able to live up to because of all of this real-world stress.

I need a vacation from this life of Sunshine...
And I Am
Anonymous Coward
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02/07/2011 03:43 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Because I feel like I'm trapped in hell...A hell personally tailored to me, where certain things seem to revolve around me, and people make comments to me in passing, people who aren't even familiar enough to be called acquaintances, knowing things about me and my life as if my life story is world broadcast news and I'm the only one who doesn't get to watch.

Someone get me the fuck out of here?
 Quoting: I'm May

suicide by cop? technically you wouldnt be doin the killing , but while your at it shoot a couple of those assholes right in their empty nutsacks for me k ?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1256688
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02/07/2011 03:44 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Because I feel like I'm trapped in hell...A hell personally tailored to me, where certain things seem to revolve around me, and people make comments to me in passing, people who aren't even familiar enough to be called acquaintances, knowing things about me and my life as if my life story is world broadcast news and I'm the only one who doesn't get to watch.

Someone get me the fuck out of here?
 Quoting: I'm May



Build a spaceship out of cardboard, eat some magic brownees and take off.
 Quoting: Uggs

Tried that yesterday. Unfortunately, I'm back already. Shit blows. This planet fucking sucks.
 Quoting: I'm May

find inner peace with your own soul...hf
I'm May (OP)

User ID: 944713
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02/07/2011 03:45 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
OP. You're probably not looking for anecdotal feedback; but I would like to offer something just for consideration, please.

If I can't change my environment; I change my attitude.

And when I can't change my attitude, I change my environment.

Yes. You do need a break from it all. We all do from time to time.

If you are not currently keeping a journal, then grab a pen and paper and spill it. Write it all down.

Normally, when we sleep, our brains do their level best to sort through information, data, memories, etc...to determine how best to sort through it all, file it in the appropriate bin and discard anything extraneous.

If you haven't been getting enough sleep, this can play a huge part in the quality of you awake time. So, help your brain out by intervening to "clean up the clutter".

I really hope you're not suggesting anything extreme. But, if it is that bad for you right now, I hope at a minimum, that you will keep this thread alive, until it all gets sorted out.

;o)

hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1257858

lol although I'm tempted to scream THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!, I'm oddly comforted, and I thank you. ;P
hf
And I Am
I'm May (OP)

User ID: 944713
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02/07/2011 03:47 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Because I feel like I'm trapped in hell...A hell personally tailored to me, where certain things seem to revolve around me, and people make comments to me in passing, people who aren't even familiar enough to be called acquaintances, knowing things about me and my life as if my life story is world broadcast news and I'm the only one who doesn't get to watch.

Someone get me the fuck out of here?
 Quoting: I'm May

suicide by cop? technically you wouldnt be doin the killing , but while your at it shoot a couple of those assholes right in their empty nutsacks for me k ?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1234049

lol I'll see what I can do
And I Am
Anonymous Coward
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02/07/2011 03:47 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
The body of this post isn't even the start of it. I've got a manic depressive fiancee who's very likely diving head first into the schizo affective stage, who was watching gay porn the other morning when I woke up, but even though I clearly saw a man's head moving vertically up and down over another person's groin region, he claims emphatically that it was straight porn.
I've got a chronic, progressive disease that keeps getting worse, financial strain that seems will never end, and an overload of people's ridiculously high expectations that I'll never be able to live up to because of all of this real-world stress.

I need a vacation from this life of Sunshine...
 Quoting: I'm May

dump him move forward that's the first step...
then take a vacation...hf
Anonymous Coward
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02/07/2011 03:50 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
The body of this post isn't even the start of it. I've got a manic depressive fiancee who's very likely diving head first into the schizo affective stage, who was watching gay porn the other morning when I woke up, but even though I clearly saw a man's head moving vertically up and down over another person's groin region, he claims emphatically that it was straight porn.
I've got a chronic, progressive disease that keeps getting worse, financial strain that seems will never end, and an overload of people's ridiculously high expectations that I'll never be able to live up to because of all of this real-world stress.

I need a vacation from this life of Sunshine...
 Quoting: I'm May


How does the rest of this Troll go?
I'm May (OP)

User ID: 944713
United States
02/07/2011 03:54 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Because I feel like I'm trapped in hell...A hell personally tailored to me, where certain things seem to revolve around me, and people make comments to me in passing, people who aren't even familiar enough to be called acquaintances, knowing things about me and my life as if my life story is world broadcast news and I'm the only one who doesn't get to watch.
 Quoting: I'm May


Have you considered you may be being gang-stalked?

Rare, but it happens. I mean, apparently this whole GLP drama revolved around that. You can find lots of info online.

And if you haven't already, maybe go see a doctor, make sure there's nothing chemical going on?

Whatever you do, good luck, OP, and just remember that there are actually lots of good people out there. hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1253582

I know, even through everything I can usually still feel the good ones. I just get overwhelmed...

I've looked in to gang stalking, I just have no idea why I would be targeted. I've experienced basically everything on the checklists, though...

I see a neurologist once a month for MS, they keep an eye on all of my "proper functions" because I'm participating in a study, but I can ask her opinion at my next appointment. She knows me well enough to know I don't need to be immediately shipped off to the hospital, haha.

:)
And I Am
I'm May (OP)

User ID: 944713
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02/07/2011 03:55 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
The body of this post isn't even the start of it. I've got a manic depressive fiancee who's very likely diving head first into the schizo affective stage, who was watching gay porn the other morning when I woke up, but even though I clearly saw a man's head moving vertically up and down over another person's groin region, he claims emphatically that it was straight porn.
I've got a chronic, progressive disease that keeps getting worse, financial strain that seems will never end, and an overload of people's ridiculously high expectations that I'll never be able to live up to because of all of this real-world stress.

I need a vacation from this life of Sunshine...
 Quoting: I'm May


How does the rest of this Troll go?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1213083

How am I a Troll??
And I Am
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1215465
United States
02/07/2011 03:55 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Brew up some Ayahuasca and get a look at what's really going on here.
[link to www.herbalfire.com]
Anonymous Coward
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United States
02/07/2011 04:00 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
The body of this post isn't even the start of it. I've got a manic depressive fiancee who's very likely diving head first into the schizo affective stage, who was watching gay porn the other morning when I woke up, but even though I clearly saw a man's head moving vertically up and down over another person's groin region, he claims emphatically that it was straight porn.
I've got a chronic, progressive disease that keeps getting worse, financial strain that seems will never end, and an overload of people's ridiculously high expectations that I'll never be able to live up to because of all of this real-world stress.

I need a vacation from this life of Sunshine...
 Quoting: I'm May


How does the rest of this Troll go?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1213083

How am I a Troll??
 Quoting: I'm May


Your segway into the homo sexuality realm wasn't very subtle......Thanks for playing.
I'm May (OP)

User ID: 944713
United States
02/07/2011 04:00 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
The body of this post isn't even the start of it. I've got a manic depressive fiancee who's very likely diving head first into the schizo affective stage, who was watching gay porn the other morning when I woke up, but even though I clearly saw a man's head moving vertically up and down over another person's groin region, he claims emphatically that it was straight porn.
I've got a chronic, progressive disease that keeps getting worse, financial strain that seems will never end, and an overload of people's ridiculously high expectations that I'll never be able to live up to because of all of this real-world stress.

I need a vacation from this life of Sunshine...
 Quoting: I'm May


How does the rest of this Troll go?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1213083

How am I a Troll??
 Quoting: I'm May

Hmm...must be because even though my life is currently overwhelming, I still try to maintain a little shred of a sense of humor and positivity about things, just to keep my head above water...an alien concept to the underdeveloped, I know.

I wish this planet worked off the basis of survival of the mentally fittest.
And I Am
I'm May (OP)

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02/07/2011 04:02 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
The body of this post isn't even the start of it. I've got a manic depressive fiancee who's very likely diving head first into the schizo affective stage, who was watching gay porn the other morning when I woke up, but even though I clearly saw a man's head moving vertically up and down over another person's groin region, he claims emphatically that it was straight porn.
I've got a chronic, progressive disease that keeps getting worse, financial strain that seems will never end, and an overload of people's ridiculously high expectations that I'll never be able to live up to because of all of this real-world stress.

I need a vacation from this life of Sunshine...
 Quoting: I'm May


How does the rest of this Troll go?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1213083

How am I a Troll??
 Quoting: I'm May


Your segway into the homo sexuality realm wasn't very subtle......Thanks for playing.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1213083

Waking up to the video playing on the computer monitor wasn't very subtle, as most discoveries of this nature tend to...not be. Thanks for failing at your attempted personal superiority, ego boost. iamwith
And I Am
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1253582
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02/07/2011 04:02 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
Because I feel like I'm trapped in hell...A hell personally tailored to me, where certain things seem to revolve around me, and people make comments to me in passing, people who aren't even familiar enough to be called acquaintances, knowing things about me and my life as if my life story is world broadcast news and I'm the only one who doesn't get to watch.
 Quoting: I'm May


Have you considered you may be being gang-stalked?

Rare, but it happens. I mean, apparently this whole GLP drama revolved around that. You can find lots of info online.

And if you haven't already, maybe go see a doctor, make sure there's nothing chemical going on?

Whatever you do, good luck, OP, and just remember that there are actually lots of good people out there. hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1253582

I know, even through everything I can usually still feel the good ones. I just get overwhelmed...

I've looked in to gang stalking, I just have no idea why I would be targeted. I've experienced basically everything on the checklists, though...

:)
 Quoting: I'm May


Good that you're seeing a dr. regularly. If you're experiencing the checklist of gang-stalking, though, maybe start keeping a journal? This will at least help you know if you're actually remembering what you think you are.

I haven't been through this, exactly, but I was targeted by a systemic campaign at a workplace once they found out I was queer. It was very subtle; they knew the law well. But I kept a journal. I couldn't have sued them on that basis, and I didn't want to, but it definitely helped me know I wasn't imagining it.

And start taking pics too!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1257858
United States
02/07/2011 04:06 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
OP. You're probably not looking for anecdotal feedback; but I would like to offer something just for consideration, please.

If I can't change my environment; I change my attitude.

And when I can't change my attitude, I change my environment.

Yes. You do need a break from it all. We all do from time to time.

If you are not currently keeping a journal, then grab a pen and paper and spill it. Write it all down.

Normally, when we sleep, our brains do their level best to sort through information, data, memories, etc...to determine how best to sort through it all, file it in the appropriate bin and discard anything extraneous.

If you haven't been getting enough sleep, this can play a huge part in the quality of you awake time. So, help your brain out by intervening to "clean up the clutter".

I really hope you're not suggesting anything extreme. But, if it is that bad for you right now, I hope at a minimum, that you will keep this thread alive, until it all gets sorted out.

;o)

hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1257858

lol although I'm tempted to scream THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!, I'm oddly comforted, and I thank you. ;P
hf
 Quoting: I'm May



It isn't always catharsis to talk about this stuff. I hope this is one of those rare occasions when it does help; however.

Attitude v Environment. I forgot to elaborate on the whole entire point I wanted to make. I realize that we can't just haul ass when we have responsibilities but...when I say change the environment, I mean that in the most literal sense of the matter.

Run...go...do something completely different. Bite your tongue, bide your time, and go experience the things that make life worth living. I don't expect you to trust the words of a complete stranger, some shadow poster on the net. But, I can tolerate quite a bit when I have expended all of the pent up energies that allow stress to take hold.

So, I ride my bicycle until all of my problems seem minor. Your mileage may vary. Just kidding. Gotcha...ya know...pun intended.

And I don't mean this to sound patronizing, nor to minimize real emotion. What I am saying is hang on.

;o)
Anonymous Coward
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02/07/2011 04:15 AM
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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
OP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1257858

lol although I'm tempted to scream THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!, I'm oddly comforted, and I thank you. ;P
hf
 Quoting: I'm May



It isn't always catharsis ...

;o)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1257858


Andddddddd ...to further elaborate.

How about a little perspective on those around you.

If you want to know what is important to someone, don't ask them. See how they spend their time.

IF you planned something really cool to do, say for Spring and Summer. Yes. Something you could only dream of doing, could you pull it off?

Could you plan it, plan for it and then do it?

Get all of your energies out. Get 'em out. Get tired.

Get some seriously well needed, well deserved sleep. I mean that in a "No shit" sort of way, too.

Regroup, reproach and change your outlook on the short term, keeping the long term in focus.

The "I Just don't Give a Fuck" factor helps immensely. It's all about perspective; especially in the short term.
I'm May (OP)

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United States
02/07/2011 04:21 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1253582


Good that you're seeing a dr. regularly. If you're experiencing the checklist of gang-stalking, though, maybe start keeping a journal? This will at least help you know if you're actually remembering what you think you are.

I haven't been through this, exactly, but I was targeted by a systemic campaign at a workplace once they found out I was queer. It was very subtle; they knew the law well. But I kept a journal. I couldn't have sued them on that basis, and I didn't want to, but it definitely helped me know I wasn't imagining it.

And start taking pics too!


Good idea about the journal, I hadn't thought about writing things down from that perspective. peace

Sorry to hear about your job being so backwards. I'm glad you seem to have made it through it ok, though. hf

Hmm...maybe I should invest in a camera, haha.
And I Am
I'm May (OP)

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02/07/2011 04:29 AM

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Re: How can I get the hell out of here without killing myself?
OP.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1257858

lol although I'm tempted to scream THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!, I'm oddly comforted, and I thank you. ;P
hf
 Quoting: I'm May



It isn't always catharsis ...

;o)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1257858


Andddddddd ...to further elaborate.

How about a little perspective on those around you.

If you want to know what is important to someone, don't ask them. See how they spend their time.

IF you planned something really cool to do, say for Spring and Summer. Yes. Something you could only dream of doing, could you pull it off?

Could you plan it, plan for it and then do it?

Get all of your energies out. Get 'em out. Get tired.

Get some seriously well needed, well deserved sleep. I mean that in a "No shit" sort of way, too.

Regroup, reproach and change your outlook on the short term, keeping the long term in focus.

The "I Just don't Give a Fuck" factor helps immensely. It's all about perspective; especially in the short term.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1257858

If I were to only reply with this... :3 ...would it be clear that I picked up and absorbed everything from both of your recent replies? ;D

Seriously, though, thank you so much. This is great advice, and it will help me maintain some perspective and perhaps even a little of my own sanity during this...process?

I always get giddy as a schoolgirl when someone matches my tone of seriousness blended with light-hearted sarcasm. Much love, Friend. hf
And I Am