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miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?

 
Alex Jones
User ID: 1132682
Canada
02/11/2011 07:43 PM
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miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
I recently reconnected with some old friends. For the past couple of weeks I noticed, and then promptly remembered, how much one of them can just talk and talk for ages whilst going on a tangent very much like Grandpa Simpson.

He'll speak in literal monologues, without letting others get in a word edgewise, and worst of all he'll never arrive at a point. I just got off the phone after 25 mins because he invited me out to eat with the group, and I offhandedly asked him if he had seen the movie League of Extraordinary Gentleman, and then he decided to give me the complete breakdown in terms of plot and character development wtfhiding

Bear in mind we're all around 25 years old, and sometimes I wonder if this guy is slipping.damned

Discussion question: is this normal? If not, what's a polite way to help someone realize they come off as senile


Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1132682
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02/11/2011 07:49 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
bump
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1260756
Mexico
02/11/2011 07:51 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Are you asking for manners in an American forum?

How many answers have you gotten?

I´ll get to the point.

Tell the how pleased you are to see them or to receive their call, but that you´re about to go out in 5 minutes and time yourself...
At minute four, tell them you have to go and that you´re very pleased to see them or having received their call.

Hasta luego.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 889908
United States
02/11/2011 07:52 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Say this....
stfu
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1260756
Mexico
02/11/2011 07:53 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
bump
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1132682

Don´t forget to tell them you only have 5 minutes and ask them what the pleasure of receiving their call is about.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1260756
Mexico
02/11/2011 07:54 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Say this....
stfu
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 889908

lmao The American way, obviously. lmao
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1262664
United Kingdom
02/11/2011 07:56 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Say this....
stfu
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 889908


lol

Just excuse yourself for a piss-break, and quietly walk outta there.

The bullshitter will never notice, because he can only hear his own voice.
Dr. House

User ID: 1176427
United States
02/11/2011 08:51 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Duct tape.
Sinkhole list:
Thread: Sinkholes Updated 28 Dec 2010
find a sinkhole, add it to this thread, please.

"Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him." (1 John 3:15, NKJV).
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1259526
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02/11/2011 09:38 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Interrupt and change the subject several times it throws them off their game.
Sophie
User ID: 1102582
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02/11/2011 09:42 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Sounds like Aspergers.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1247018
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02/11/2011 09:43 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Are you asking for manners in an American forum?

How many answers have you gotten?

I´ll get to the point.

Tell the how pleased you are to see them or to receive their call, but that you´re about to go out in 5 minutes and time yourself...
At minute four, tell them you have to go and that you´re very pleased to see them or having received their call.

Hasta luego.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1260756


Thats how they treat there friends in mexico. LIE TO THEM!!

NO WONDER YOU ALL ARE KILLING EACH OTHER DOWN THERE.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1205162
United States
02/11/2011 09:45 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Ask the person you are speaking with if you can pee on them. This stops conversation cold almost 100% of the time.
Poof

User ID: 1197377
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02/11/2011 09:47 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
You could do what my husband does. He'll say, "Ok, you're boring me now. Talk to you later," and hang up. It might not be polite, but it's effective.
Ricfly52

User ID: 203277
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02/11/2011 09:49 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
I usually just walk out of a situation like that. Even if it is just them and me. I say "excuse me I have important things to do" and walk off. If on the phone, I listen for a bit then I say "oh the pizza man is at the door, I will call you next week".

If that doesn't work, I just say, "I am tired of listening to your fucking bullshit, why don't you shut the fuck up".

Hey my wife can verify that.

Fuk 'em.
Fishing and skiing keeps me a little sane.
Anonymous Coward
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02/11/2011 09:49 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Ask the person you are speaking with if you can pee on them. This stops conversation cold almost 100% of the time.
 Quoting: Mothball

laugh
Sophie
User ID: 1102582
Canada
02/11/2011 09:51 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Ask the person you are speaking with if you can pee on them. This stops conversation cold almost 100% of the time.
 Quoting: Mothball


Or take a crap on their foot that works too.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1180899
United States
02/11/2011 09:54 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
You could do what my husband does. He'll say, "Ok, you're boring me now. Talk to you later," and hang up. It might not be polite, but it's effective.
 Quoting: Poof


I just keep saying "right" to every thing they say every few words.

I don't engage them back in conversation.

Basically just ignore them until they join the rest of the human race who understand that there is a time to talk and a time to shut up.

Some of the things people think other people are interested in, it amazes me, the stupid. Do I really want to hear about your boss, your job, your interpersonal problems with your boss. Your inability to understand that you are a subordinate so questioning your boss, even if you have more knowledge, which is doubtful since you are questioning him. It's annoying. I had one of those guys today.

Act uninterested. And don't make eye contact until they talk about something worth while.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1260756
Mexico
02/11/2011 09:56 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Are you asking for manners in an American forum?

How many answers have you gotten?

I´ll get to the point.

Tell the how pleased you are to see them or to receive their call, but that you´re about to go out in 5 minutes and time yourself...
At minute four, tell them you have to go and that you´re very pleased to see them or having received their call.

Hasta luego.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1260756


Thats how they treat there friends in mexico. LIE TO THEM!!

NO WONDER YOU ALL ARE KILLING EACH OTHER DOWN THERE.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1247018

What do you knw about being polite?

You have no manners and don´t even know what that is.

People like you are hated in France and all over the world.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 842983
United States
02/11/2011 09:57 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
You can only say "I got to go" or "There is someone on the line and I have to take this call" or just walk away.

I have a family member that was in a motorcycle accident that left him slightly brain damaged and he will tell you about something that happened to him 20 years ago complete with every tiny mind numbing detail as long as you let him talk.

"And then we turned left on Oak Street ... or was it Elm Street ... anyway ... after we turned left we went by an old school house and there were some children playing in the play ground. We went about a mile ... actually we went more like 2 miles and went by the prettiest lake you can imagine and Jim who was in the car with us said he was getting thirsty so we stopped at a gas station and bought some bottled water and I got out to take a leak and the restroom was so dirty I could hardly stand it ..."
etc etc blah blah blah
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1132682
Canada
02/12/2011 12:17 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
You can only say "I got to go" or "There is someone on the line and I have to take this call" or just walk away.

I have a family member that was in a motorcycle accident that left him slightly brain damaged and he will tell you about something that happened to him 20 years ago complete with every tiny mind numbing detail as long as you let him talk.

"And then we turned left on Oak Street ... or was it Elm Street ... anyway ... after we turned left we went by an old school house and there were some children playing in the play ground. We went about a mile ... actually we went more like 2 miles and went by the prettiest lake you can imagine and Jim who was in the car with us said he was getting thirsty so we stopped at a gas station and bought some bottled water and I got out to take a leak and the restroom was so dirty I could hardly stand it ..."
etc etc blah blah blah
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 842983

Haha you nailed it
just ducky

User ID: 1260438
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02/12/2011 12:26 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
BEFORE they start talking...

...tell them you don't need a full description, you just want the facts, so get to the point immediately, or you will leave/hang up.

If you can't do that, then after they've been speaking for about two minutes, interrupt them! Say "Excuse me! You've been talking non-stop for two minutes! I'd like to say something too. Or were you just lecturing me and this is not a discussion?"

I know it sounds harsh, but it is not. You are just pointing out their errors in polite communication. Like having someone walk past you on the sidewalk and as they do, they shove you. So you speak up and say, "I beg your pardon!" or something to that effect, calling out their RUDE BEHAVIOR.

Your friend is RUDE. Selfishness is at the heart of rudeness. Confront him and help him to think of others, and break this very bad habit. You'll both be glad you did.
If it walks like a duck...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 871118
United States
02/12/2011 03:56 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
You guys ever think that it might actually take more than 2 minutes to tell a story/get to the point? Or is it that since everything on TV is designed for a 45 second attention span you guys actually can't focus outside yourselves anymore?

Is there really some other shit you have to do that is that fucking important?
Lochness
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United States
04/25/2013 01:57 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
I agree that 2 minutes is too short but I have a girlfriend who will talk until the battery in my phone dies 30 minutes later. And, of the 30 minutes, 29 is her talking about nothing of much interest. And that would be fine if it did not happen every flipping day, sometimes several times a day.

And then she complains how she has too much to do and can't get everything done. I've yet to suggest that maybe if she didn't spend hours on the phone everyday in monologue mode that she'd discover she *can* get much more done.

I have found myself cutting her off more and more abruptly. It's one thing to have a conversation with a friend but this feels more like I'm her therapist and she's just rambling on the phone about her latest feelings.
Anonymous Coward
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United Kingdom
04/25/2013 02:03 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
I have a friend like that.
You have to break into their monologue, and steer the conversation in a different direction......one you know where you can finish it quickly, and leave them.
Doesn't matter if they are in full flow - just butt in!
Make a point they say into a piece of humour - that sometimes breaks their obsession with prattling on.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21251186
United States
04/25/2013 02:07 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
This is a condition created from too much Dopamine in a part of the brain involved with speech.

I believe this condition is created by stimulants like caffeine and nicotine. (Drinking 4 energy drinks a day doesnt help)

These people seem to have an enormous stamina for their speech circuits however they do not realize how annoying they are to others who are not like them. They also don't seem to realize how monotonous they are they chat chat away staring at their smart phones.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38749413
United States
04/25/2013 02:18 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
it's not aspbergers, or too much caffiene

these are people who just like to talk to hear them talk about themselves, what they just bought, how much it cost, where they got it, what they did yesterday, the day before, right now, what they are going to do tomorrow, and on their days off. I have a friend like that, nothing wrong with him, high IQ, intelligent, but man, when he starts talking, he gets louder and louder and is so full of himself and accomplishments, traits, skills, that no one else matters at all.
narcissim...ego...or else they are not getting enough attention that they demand it from others. It is annoying. I came home the other day, 20 minutes of pure bliss, no music, no radio. just peace and quiet. You can only hear the same story so many times before you are annoyed, you can only hear so much about them before you wonder if they care about anyone else. And for christ sakes, quit saying and you can ask..so and so (being me) they can tell you that I did that, because if I hear it again, I am walking away and saying I have no clue what you are talking about.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 21251186
United States
04/25/2013 02:21 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
it's not aspbergers, or too much caffiene

these are people who just like to talk to hear them talk about themselves, what they just bought, how much it cost, where they got it, what they did yesterday, the day before, right now, what they are going to do tomorrow, and on their days off. I have a friend like that, nothing wrong with him, high IQ, intelligent, but man, when he starts talking, he gets louder and louder and is so full of himself and accomplishments, traits, skills, that no one else matters at all.
narcissim...ego...or else they are not getting enough attention that they demand it from others. It is annoying. I came home the other day, 20 minutes of pure bliss, no music, no radio. just peace and quiet. You can only hear the same story so many times before you are annoyed, you can only hear so much about them before you wonder if they care about anyone else. And for christ sakes, quit saying and you can ask..so and so (being me) they can tell you that I did that, because if I hear it again, I am walking away and saying I have no clue what you are talking about.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 38749413


Maybe so, I am just not a talker and never have been. I would most likely be like a borg drone doing my own thing until I am disturbed and my peace violated.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38749413
United States
04/25/2013 02:45 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
I vented and did not answer you question on how to deal with them, I work with one of these talkers, I keep busy, very busy. Come in and say hi and then am off getting things done. When there are quiet moments, he is talking, I find things to do, and let him know that I have tons to get done. Mind you, there are moments when I just want to say, "Can't you shut up for even a minute?" or even finish his stories for him, but that would be much ruder than doing my job. Thing is I have known this person for 30+ years and he is still the same, maybe I should have said it the first time it annoyed me, at this point, it is easier to just be busy when he is around. The whole world is about him, and that is okay, it's his world. I am not the only one that feels this way, many of the co-workers are feeling the same annoyance, perhaps we are the rude ones for not telling him that we have had enough. You know, he is a good guy, willing to give you the shirt off his back, but no one is taking, the price is too high. You would hear about it for months, years even.
It is easiet to revert to psychological tactics, talk softer if you are engaging in conversation, so they talk softly. Try to divert the attention back to a topic that you are both comfortable with, when they talk about themselves, you either let them, understanding that you made that choice. Or you simply remain quiet, nodding occasionally so that they know you are listening. Do not do a mental checklist in your head, they will know you are not listening and you will be bombarded with "did you hear what I said, tell me what I said, repeat what I said" if you nod, it is usually enough, because ultimately, they are just talking to themselves about themselves and want an audience...and they are never wrong, so don't presume to tell them that you know for a fact that they are wrong unless you intend to spend many more hours in the conversation.
Anonymous Coward
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04/25/2013 03:06 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Your friend does not sound senile. People who talk a lot. Extroverted people can't help themselves. Especially if there extra extroverted.


I myself am introverted(opposite of extrovert) I once took a personality test and it stated I was 80 % introverted. Which explains a lot to me now.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 38871048
Mexico
04/25/2013 05:53 PM
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Re: miss manners question: how to deal with people who talk too much?
Are you asking for manners in an American forum?

How many answers have you gotten?


I´ll get to the point.

Tell the how pleased you are to see them or to receive their call, but that you´re about to go out in 5 minutes and time yourself...
At minute four, tell them you have to go and that you´re very pleased to see them or having received their call.

Hasta luego.

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1260756


clappa

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