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How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1087161
Australia
02/18/2011 05:59 AM
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How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
any advice on what to say?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1265207
United States
02/18/2011 06:02 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
That's too deep a wound to "cheer up". Prolly just have to let it "bleed", and remain on standby for them. Silent-but-present sounds like the order of the day.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 814501
United States
02/18/2011 06:02 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
Get the book " Journey Of Souls" It is very good and may help.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1267305
Australia
02/18/2011 06:03 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
Give them some whiskey.

Or vodka if its a lady.

;)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1248627
Australia
02/18/2011 06:03 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
That's too deep a wound to "cheer up". Prolly just have to let it "bleed", and remain on standby for them. Silent-but-present sounds like the order of the day.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1265207

Yup, gotta allow them to be where they are at. Just cos you want to see them happy isn't where it's at, and it's not what they want right now. Let them be in that space until it is appropriate for them to let it pass, and be OK with them being in that space. That's a good friend.
x
User ID: 1127909
Netherlands
02/18/2011 06:04 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
That;s pretty difficult..make him/her remember all the good times they had together ( i dont know how he/she died ) but dont talk about the time she was sick.Hang out alot together and try to make him/her as happy as possible by doing fun things together.And just say you are always there for him/her when they need need you..other then that..its pretty difficult..anyway,my condoleances.
Patrick Bateman

User ID: 1211263
United States
02/18/2011 06:04 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
any advice on what to say?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1087161


Don't say anything. Just be there.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1003705
United States
02/18/2011 06:04 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
That's too deep a wound to "cheer up". Prolly just have to let it "bleed", and remain on standby for them. Silent-but-present sounds like the order of the day.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1265207


+1

You don't...

The old adage "time heals all wounds" seems to apply bestwith this.
Patrick Bateman

User ID: 1211263
United States
02/18/2011 06:05 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
That's too deep a wound to "cheer up". Prolly just have to let it "bleed", and remain on standby for them. Silent-but-present sounds like the order of the day.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1265207


Perfect +1
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1264381
United States
02/18/2011 06:05 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
That's delicate. I don't think there are good words. Better be a good listener.
BoomShanka

User ID: 1257762
Australia
02/18/2011 06:05 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
There is nothing don't try
x
User ID: 1127909
Netherlands
02/18/2011 06:07 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
There is nothing don't try
 Quoting: BoomShanka


Bad advice..very very bad advice,and that would show you are a horrible friend for not even trying.
Maza

User ID: 1256632
Cyprus
02/18/2011 06:16 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
I lost my wife 2 years ago and from experience you dont wanna hear anything just that you know that your friends are there for you when you need them.
BoomShanka

User ID: 1257762
Australia
02/18/2011 06:17 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
There is nothing don't try
 Quoting: BoomShanka


Bad advice..very very bad advice,and that would show you are a horrible friend for not even trying.
 Quoting: x 1127909


bsflag Pathetic wanker trying to fuck with someone for your own feelings about their feelings during that time is selfish you fuckhead.
I know.
x
User ID: 1127909
Netherlands
02/18/2011 06:22 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
There is nothing don't try
 Quoting: BoomShanka


Bad advice..very very bad advice,and that would show you are a horrible friend for not even trying.
 Quoting: x 1127909


bsflag Pathetic wanker trying to fuck with someone for your own feelings about their feelings during that time is selfish you fuckhead.
I know.
 Quoting: BoomShanka


Angry much ? idiot,i also know,and atleast i was there for my friend who appreciated what i was trying to do and that i was there for him.They can have a very hard time dealing with it alone and some people cannot handle it.Unlike you i'm not egocentric and always try to help my friends when they are in need of helpAgain..you are a very bad friend,and not even worth the title of "friend" for letting someone deal with something so difficult alone.See what i did ? saying something in a normal way without using words like "fuckhead" or "pathetic wanker",that alone said enough about your horrible personality,goodluck with that.
GUANO

User ID: 1231113
United States
02/18/2011 06:25 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
you don't, you just provide comfort...

comfort is best provided in the language of the mourner... Quality Time, Gifts, Words of Assurance, etc...

you have to know the language of the mourner in order to comfort correctly...

Last Edited by GUANO on 02/18/2011 06:25 AM
Total Protonic Reversal...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1269554
United Kingdom
02/18/2011 06:25 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
you cant 'cheer them up' they are grieving, it's a process
you can be there for them, that will be very appreciated
when my brother died one friend told me she would be there for me, she rang me every day for six months, she listened to me and she as a great help to me
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1267413
United States
02/18/2011 06:31 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
Well,as natural as the coming of spring and all the seasons of the year.Death should be dealt with as if it is a part of life,a passing on.A normal part of soul growth.After all,no one here,or there,will escape it.So accept it as what it is.A normal part of life.Depending on how spiritual a person is all is part of it.Good luck
BoomShanka

User ID: 1257762
Australia
02/18/2011 06:32 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
There is nothing don't try
 Quoting: BoomShanka


Bad advice..very very bad advice,and that would show you are a horrible friend for not even trying.
 Quoting: x 1127909


bsflag Pathetic wanker trying to fuck with someone for your own feelings about their feelings during that time is selfish you fuckhead.
I know.
 Quoting: BoomShanka


Angry much ? idiot,i also know,and atleast i was there for my friend who appreciated what i was trying to do and that i was there for him.They can have a very hard time dealing with it alone and some people cannot handle it.Unlike you i'm not egocentric and always try to help my friends when they are in need of helpAgain..you are a very bad friend,and not even worth the title of "friend" for letting someone deal with something so difficult alone.See what i did ? saying something in a normal way without using words like "fuckhead" or "pathetic wanker",that alone said enough about your horrible personality,goodluck with that.
 Quoting: x 1127909


Fuck off poo munch go clean your clogs or sell your bitches in the red light district skull_fing
Uggs

User ID: 1032222
United States
02/18/2011 06:33 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
any advice on what to say?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1087161


Create a story about a fantasy "place" the loved one went after they died. Seems to work wonders. If you do it right you can make BILLIONS of dollars and have billions of mindless drones follow your 'teachings'.
<JADR>

User ID: 389430
Australia
02/18/2011 06:33 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
any advice on what to say?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1087161


Tell him "you're next!"
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1269528
Germany
02/18/2011 06:34 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
Recommend cutting an artery in the arm and drinking the blood from it, that'll help.
x
User ID: 1127909
Netherlands
02/18/2011 06:36 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
...


Bad advice..very very bad advice,and that would show you are a horrible friend for not even trying.
 Quoting: x 1127909


bsflag Pathetic wanker trying to fuck with someone for your own feelings about their feelings during that time is selfish you fuckhead.
I know.
 Quoting: BoomShanka


Angry much ? idiot,i also know,and atleast i was there for my friend who appreciated what i was trying to do and that i was there for him.They can have a very hard time dealing with it alone and some people cannot handle it.Unlike you i'm not egocentric and always try to help my friends when they are in need of helpAgain..you are a very bad friend,and not even worth the title of "friend" for letting someone deal with something so difficult alone.See what i did ? saying something in a normal way without using words like "fuckhead" or "pathetic wanker",that alone said enough about your horrible personality,goodluck with that.
 Quoting: x 1127909


Fuck off poo munch go clean your clogs or sell your bitches in the red light district skull_fing
 Quoting: BoomShanka


Thank you for showing what i meant about you're personality. :)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1262732
United Kingdom
02/18/2011 06:41 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
The day after my sister died I went to spend some time with her children.

There were tears but MUCH laughter and nice memories.
I would just suggest talking and listening. Go with the flow.

Mourning is a process that has to be worked through.

It is nice that you are concerned.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1087161
Australia
02/18/2011 06:41 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
I lost my wife 2 years ago and from experience you dont wanna hear anything just that you know that your friends are there for you when you need them.
 Quoting: Maza


my condolences.

this is about my brother who died 2 years ago, my parents are still grieving quite heavily. I know if I lost my child it would be something I would never get over, a wound that time would not heal. I was hoping for some advice on things I could say to them when they are feeling really down about it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1262732
United Kingdom
02/18/2011 06:46 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
I lost my wife 2 years ago and from experience you dont wanna hear anything just that you know that your friends are there for you when you need them.
 Quoting: Maza


my condolences.

this is about my brother who died 2 years ago, my parents are still grieving quite heavily. I know if I lost my child it would be something I would never get over, a wound that time would not heal. I was hoping for some advice on things I could say to them when they are feeling really down about it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1087161


Could you find a way of introducing some nice/amusing memory?

I dont mean "make light" of the situation just a "do you remember when ....." type statement.
Moving

User ID: 1267479
United States
02/18/2011 07:11 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
OP: I am so sorry that you lost your brother. I would say that I have known people that are still in deep grief at the two year mark. I don't know what to say. Some people I think feel that to move a bit forward would be disrespectful to their loved one. Sort of like, the longer that I grieve the more it proves how much I loved them.

I don't know if that makes sense. Obviously it is not healthy to stay in deep grief perpetually. Maybe you could suggest a support group. We have them in the USA for parents who have lost their children. It doesn't matter the age, it is still their child. Perhaps they would find comfort in that type of a support system.
BoomShanka

User ID: 1257762
Australia
02/18/2011 07:12 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
...


bsflag Pathetic wanker trying to fuck with someone for your own feelings about their feelings during that time is selfish you fuckhead.
I know.
 Quoting: BoomShanka


Angry much ? idiot,i also know,and atleast i was there for my friend who appreciated what i was trying to do and that i was there for him.They can have a very hard time dealing with it alone and some people cannot handle it.Unlike you i'm not egocentric and always try to help my friends when they are in need of helpAgain..you are a very bad friend,and not even worth the title of "friend" for letting someone deal with something so difficult alone.See what i did ? saying something in a normal way without using words like "fuckhead" or "pathetic wanker",that alone said enough about your horrible personality,goodluck with that.
 Quoting: x 1127909


Fuck off poo munch go clean your clogs or sell your bitches in the red light district skull_fing
 Quoting: BoomShanka


Thank you for showing what i meant about you're personality. :)
 Quoting: x 1127909

That its better than yours?
Well no problem ass munch, good luck with the clogs and tramps.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1087161
Australia
02/18/2011 07:32 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
OP: I am so sorry that you lost your brother. I would say that I have known people that are still in deep grief at the two year mark. I don't know what to say. Some people I think feel that to move a bit forward would be disrespectful to their loved one. Sort of like, the longer that I grieve the more it proves how much I loved them.

I don't know if that makes sense. Obviously it is not healthy to stay in deep grief perpetually. Maybe you could suggest a support group. We have them in the USA for parents who have lost their children. It doesn't matter the age, it is still their child. Perhaps they would find comfort in that type of a support system.
 Quoting: Moving


Thanks for the advice. I think you maybe right about the grieving part. My belief system is very different from most people, having had many spiritual experiences in my life and doing a lot of esoteric research has led me to the conclusion that the afterlife is real. So I get a lot of comfort in that, because to me its more of a knowing rather than a belief.

My mother already goes to a group like that, and does find a lot of comfort in it, but she still grieves very heavily. It's just one of those things I guess, you never get over it. I know if I was in their shoes, even with my belief system I wouldn't get over it. When its your own child, you share a special bond with them, and to have that taken away is like ripping your heart out and throwing it on the ground.
Gratia Plena

User ID: 1220977
United States
02/18/2011 07:39 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
There's no cheering up. Life stops for the person who has lost someone. The best you can do, IMO, is keep letting them know you haven't forgotten, and you still care. After all the hooplah of the services settle down, it feels very isolating to think/know life has moved on for everyone else. Let them know you haven't forgotten, and think of them daily. Depending on the person and how close you are to them, there are a lot of books that might help them grieve. "Hello From Heaven" is an easy, comforting, hopeful read.
Gratia Plena

User ID: 1220977
United States
02/18/2011 07:40 AM
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Re: How do you cheer someone up about the death of a loved one?
OP - I'm sorry for your loss. Seeing as it was someone close to you, that pretty much changes my first reply. I guess just let them know you understand and miss him too. ? I don't know - it just sucks.

Last Edited by Gratia Plena on 02/18/2011 07:41 AM

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