Godlike Productions - Conspiracy Forum
Users Online Now: 2,489 (Who's On?)Visitors Today: 1,898,858
Pageviews Today: 2,711,110Threads Today: 708Posts Today: 13,895
07:55 PM


Rate this Thread

Absolute BS Crap Reasonable Nice Amazing
 

Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1279799
Canada
02/28/2011 07:35 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
What's with my mother - she has been doing this with me all my life - in so many interactions that I have with other people - she is so quick to take the other party's side and imply or out right tell me I'm in the wrong.


She does this re: little interactions with the staff in stores as well as very important interactions with other family members.

What makes her do this - any have any comments/insight/similar experiences.


Constructive stuff only - please. I'm in rough shape at the moment.
saturday dumanche

User ID: 452420
United States
02/28/2011 07:51 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Yes I've been there. Look up sociopathy. There are varying degrees of severity. IOW not every socio is a Ted Bundy
tkwasny

User ID: 1135294
United States
02/28/2011 07:59 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
How is tearing someone apart helpful? I have known many people that is all they do with everyone they encounter. It's not about you, it has nothing to do with you.

Just as a rising tide lifts all boats in the harbor, there are those that relish torpedoeing everyone elses boat in the harbor so they have the only one left for the world to praise and look to. It's all about their ego.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1279799
Canada
02/28/2011 08:01 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
How is tearing someone apart helpful? I have known many people that is all they do with everyone they encounter. It's not about you, it has nothing to do with you.

Just as a rising tide lifts all boats in the harbor, there are those that relish torpedoeing everyone elses boat in the harbor so they have the only one left for the world to praise and look to. It's all about their ego.
 Quoting: tkwasny


Who is tearing someone apart? Are you suggesting that I am?
If so, how is trying to understand human psychology tearing someone apart?
Jane SmithModerator
Forum Moderator

User ID: 1215902
United States
02/28/2011 08:13 AM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Yes I've been there. Look up sociopathy. There are varying degrees of severity. IOW not every socio is a Ted Bundy
 Quoting: saturday dumanche


^^^^^^ What he said. Also Google narcissism. I have a mother just like yours and had to expell her from my life after she started the same damaging crap on my children.
Life is karma and karma always reflects both past and present circumstance. Our time here is short, so choose carefully and behave well, for all of your tomorrows are presently being decided.

"Don't die on a small cross..." Saddletramp's Mom

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."
-- William Shakespeare, born April 23, 1564.

Janebroom
Killer Bunny mockingjay
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1279302
Brazil
02/28/2011 08:15 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
What makes some kids turn their mothers into scapegoats?

No, I am not being harsh. If You trully strive to understand my question, You will free yourself from this suffering.

Good luck.

hf
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1279799
Canada
02/28/2011 08:19 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Yes I've been there. Look up sociopathy. There are varying degrees of severity. IOW not every socio is a Ted Bundy
 Quoting: saturday dumanche


^^^^^^ What he said. Also Google narcissism. I have a mother just like yours and had to expell her from my life after she started the same damaging crap on my children.
 Quoting: Jane Smith


Sorry to hear this - really!!


Thanks - will check out 'narcissism' - I just don't get it - her need for me to be wrong about how I perceive other people's treatment of me and/or their motives is almost creepy.

When I was in elementary school I told her that I was afraid to go to school because I was getting roughed up by bullys - and she told me - no - you're not being bullied.
Gratia Plena

User ID: 1220977
United States
02/28/2011 08:28 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
My husband's been emotionally abused and verbally beat up by his mother his whole life. She knows no other role than the victim role. Now that we have children and they were becoming pawns in her "game," he's all but severed his relationship with her. They are cordial, and I don't think she really realizes he has severed ties, because he just tells her what she wants to hear and nothing about the reality of his life. She never supports any decisions that he makes, only criticizes to the point that she attacks everything about him and those he loves. I have no doubt, nor do others, that she has borderline personality disorder. I'm not sure that the method of avoidance he has chosen is the best, but when our children were dragged in, that was endgame. Stop putting yourself in situations where she can hurt you? It's "easy" for my husband b/c his mom lives 1000 miles away, so I'm not sure how it would work if she were close. Sorry - I know it sucks and hurts.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1279302
Brazil
02/28/2011 08:37 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
You didn't get what I said?

"My worst enemy is ME"

I dont know what is most despicable, to choose to be the opressor, or to choose to be the victim.

It's all role playing. All that can be changed by will.

BE A MAN, for Gods sake, and stop whinning like a baby.

If You want a real good guide to deal with that, read "The Celestine Prophecy".

It's kind of a "Be a free human" for dummies.

bash
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1279799
Canada
02/28/2011 08:40 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
My husband's been emotionally abused and verbally beat up by his mother his whole life. She knows no other role than the victim role. Now that we have children and they were becoming pawns in her "game," he's all but severed his relationship with her. They are cordial, and I don't think she really realizes he has severed ties, because he just tells her what she wants to hear and nothing about the reality of his life. She never supports any decisions that he makes, only criticizes to the point that she attacks everything about him and those he loves. I have no doubt, nor do others, that she has borderline personality disorder. I'm not sure that the method of avoidance he has chosen is the best, but when our children were dragged in, that was endgame. Stop putting yourself in situations where she can hurt you? It's "easy" for my husband b/c his mom lives 1000 miles away, so I'm not sure how it would work if she were close. Sorry - I know it sucks and hurts.
 Quoting: Gratia Plena


Thank you for understanding. Your husband's form of limited contact is a good suggestion.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1279302
Brazil
02/28/2011 08:44 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Thank you for understanding. Your husband's form of limited contact is a good suggestion.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279799


No, It's Not. Cause You will not learn how to deal with these kind of people, and they will just keep coming untill You learn what You HAVE to learn.

I am talking about my own experience, OP. I had the same problem, but I did overcome it.

Face Your Fears.

hf
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1279799
Canada
02/28/2011 08:44 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
You didn't get what I said?

"My worst enemy is ME"

I dont know what is most despicable, to choose to be the opressor, or to choose to be the victim.

It's all role playing. All that can be changed by will.

BE A MAN, for Gods sake, and stop whinning like a baby.

If You want a real good guide to deal with that, read "The Celestine Prophecy".

It's kind of a "Be a free human" for dummies.

bash
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279302



Ok so it seems I don't really get it - thanks for your patience.

First - do you think that trying to understand what would motivate my mother to treat me this way is whining?

If I could understand that - then I could better accept it.

I mean she point blank told a group of my friends who she had never met before that I was a nice baby but that as I grew up I became more and more unlikable.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1279799
Canada
02/28/2011 08:46 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Thank you for understanding. Your husband's form of limited contact is a good suggestion.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279799


No, It's Not. Cause You will not learn how to deal with these kind of people, and they will just keep coming untill You learn what You HAVE to learn.

I am talking about my own experience, OP. I had the same problem, but I did overcome it.

Face Your Fears.

hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279302


Ok - you may well be very right - I'll give you that.
Incognito
User ID: 1273874
02/28/2011 08:47 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Could be a personality disorder such as borderline bpd or narcissistic npd. If you google ' out of the fog' you will find a very helpful support forum where many have had similar experiences with disordered parents or partners. Personal healing and strong boundary systems are essential to anyone shamed in this way, good luck.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1279799
Canada
02/28/2011 08:49 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Thank you for understanding. Your husband's form of limited contact is a good suggestion.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279799


No, It's Not. Cause You will not learn how to deal with these kind of people, and they will just keep coming untill You learn what You HAVE to learn.

I am talking about my own experience, OP. I had the same problem, but I did overcome it.

Face Your Fears.

hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279302


Ok - you may well be very right - I'll give you that.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279799



I need it spelled out for me - how do I overcome this?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1279302
Brazil
02/28/2011 08:51 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Ok so it seems I don't really get it - thanks for your patience.

First - do you think that trying to understand what would motivate my mother to treat me this way is whining?

If I could understand that - then I could better accept it.

I mean she point blank told a group of my friends who she had never met before that I was a nice baby but that as I grew up I became more and more unlikable.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279799


Sorry, that was a gimmick to have Your attention, as You seem to be conditioned to answer to people that treat Your harsh, or that treat You as a victim.

Why are You trying to understand it? Maybe because after hearing that so much You started to BELIEVE this shit?

It doesn't matter why. She must have had her dose of bad treatment too, to act like that. FORGIVE her. Break that chain.

Now, answer me: You find Yourself unlikable? That's the whole point.

hf
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1279799
Canada
02/28/2011 08:58 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Ok so it seems I don't really get it - thanks for your patience.

First - do you think that trying to understand what would motivate my mother to treat me this way is whining?

If I could understand that - then I could better accept it.

I mean she point blank told a group of my friends who she had never met before that I was a nice baby but that as I grew up I became more and more unlikable.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279799


Sorry, that was a gimmick to have Your attention, as You seem to be conditioned to answer to people that treat Your harsh, or that treat You as a victim.

Why are You trying to understand it? Maybe because after hearing that so much You started to BELIEVE this shit?

It doesn't matter why. She must have had her dose of bad treatment too, to act like that. FORGIVE her. Break that chain.

Now, answer me: You find Yourself unlikable? That's the whole point.

hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279302


To answer your question in a word - yes.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1279302
Brazil
02/28/2011 08:59 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
I need it spelled out for me - how do I overcome this?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279799


First of all, forgive her. Probably she act like that because she was also a victim of bad treatment. If You try to find this in her past history, You may well find the reasons.

Second, don't try to change her. It's her responsability to do that. If You just change Yourself, You will be doing a LOT more for her than trying to change her.

Third, work in your self confidence. You are NOT what she told You that You are. You are what You are, and what YOU will make of Yourself. You can choose to be a fragile person, a victim, blaming her, or choose to grow spiritually, become free of this psychological pressure, being aware that YOU ARE A WONDERFUL BEING, full of possibilities, and full of talent and gifts.

Find a therapist that can help You to become more confident, and more aware of YOURSELF. I got a valuable help from a therapist that used flower essences with me. It was a very amazing spiritual awakening experience.

Good Luck.

hf
Incognito
User ID: 1273874
02/28/2011 09:03 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Just read ac from brasil's post. Ignore every word, that is the most unhelpful advice, non empathic just like your mother sounds. Seriously this stuff is too vulnerable to share here, check out forum I mentioned above. A lot of great resources over there. Hugs to you.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1279302
Brazil
02/28/2011 09:05 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Now, answer me: You find Yourself unlikable? That's the whole point.

hf
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279302


To answer your question in a word - yes.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279799


No, You are not. You just forgot how brilliant and wonderful You are, after years hearing that shit.

But I am sure You will remember all your power, if You look for a good therapy to remove this trauma from Your aura, from your memory.

Please, read The Celestine Prophecy, and find a good therapist.

Been there, done that.

And I did survive.

afro
Incognito
User ID: 1273874
02/28/2011 09:13 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Ok AC from Brasil reposted since my last post, Good to see later posts were more understanding of your situation. Healing from early childhood trauma takes time, so it is important you learn how to be kind and patient with yourself. Many victims of pd abuse end up with PTSD or complex ptsd, these are serious psychological injuries but they can be healed with awareness and the right self recovery steps.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1277913
United States
02/28/2011 09:14 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
your mom is right

you were not being bullied- you were being a pussy

the facts are you get on a conspiracy message board and complain about your mom to strangers

thats kinda creepy

you mom was probably being 'nice to her dolt of a brat
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1279799
Canada
02/28/2011 09:23 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
your mom is right

you were not being bullied- you were being a pussy

the facts are you get on a conspiracy message board and complain about your mom to strangers

thats kinda creepy

you mom was probably being 'nice to her dolt of a brat
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1277913


Have a nice day!
Incognito
User ID: 1273874
02/28/2011 09:23 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Now see if u can ignore the AC from USA,s post. what an ignorant troll, if he/she can't be bothered to say something useful then why bother at all. People like this are the reason this is not a safe environment to share vulnerable stuff.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1279799
Canada
02/28/2011 09:24 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Just read ac from brasil's post. Ignore every word, that is the most unhelpful advice, non empathic just like your mother sounds. Seriously this stuff is too vulnerable to share here, check out forum I mentioned above. A lot of great resources over there. Hugs to you.
 Quoting: Incognito 1273874


Yes - just visited that site - you're right - thank you!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1279302
Brazil
02/28/2011 09:25 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Ok AC from Brasil reposted since my last post, Good to see later posts were more understanding of your situation. Healing from early childhood trauma takes time, so it is important you learn how to be kind and patient with yourself. Many victims of pd abuse end up with PTSD or complex ptsd, these are serious psychological injuries but they can be healed with awareness and the right self recovery steps.
 Quoting: Incognito 1273874


I was harsh just to get OP's attention. I know what I am talking about. If I told You what MY mom did to me, You wouldn't believe that I am still alive.

Healing from early childhood trauma CAN takes time, yes. But it doesn't NEED to. If we keep looking outside, blaming others, it takes more time, and sometimes we never achieve freedom. When we look inside, and with the help of proper assistence and tools, it can be done a lot faster.

Our worst enemy is within.

But here are the good news:

Our best friend, is also within.

Dive inside Yourself, OP. It's the greatest and the more rewarding of all the adventures.

hf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1279302
Brazil
02/28/2011 09:26 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
your mom is right

you were not being bullied- you were being a pussy

the facts are you get on a conspiracy message board and complain about your mom to strangers

thats kinda creepy

you mom was probably being 'nice to her dolt of a brat
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1277913


Have a nice day!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279799


WHOA.

WAY TO GO.

banana2
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1277913
United States
02/28/2011 09:26 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
lol

lets see- if she were any other way, in any
form or fashion, you would not exsist


in essence you want to whine - like about being bullied at school, and your mom is a bully as well

no negative comments- because they are bully like as well

lol

men i know don;t whine about their momns and crap. unless they are 12 or something
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1279799
Canada
02/28/2011 09:27 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
Now see if u can ignore the AC from USA,s post. what an ignorant troll, if he/she can't be bothered to say something useful then why bother at all. People like this are the reason this is not a safe environment to share vulnerable stuff.
 Quoting: Incognito 1273874


Right - it was worth it though to find out of the fog.
tkwasny

User ID: 950233
United States
02/28/2011 09:27 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
How is tearing someone apart helpful? I have known many people that is all they do with everyone they encounter. It's not about you, it has nothing to do with you.

Just as a rising tide lifts all boats in the harbor, there are those that relish torpedoeing everyone elses boat in the harbor so they have the only one left for the world to praise and look to. It's all about their ego.
 Quoting: tkwasny


Who is tearing someone apart? Are you suggesting that I am?
If so, how is trying to understand human psychology tearing someone apart?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279799


No not you. Your parent belittling you is tearing you apart. Tearing you down so you can be less than her.

Some people instead of teaming to work together so all are better off, break everyone else around them down so they will appear as the only shining star.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1279799
Canada
02/28/2011 09:28 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Pls help...what makes some mothers turn their kids into scapegoats
your mom is right

you were not being bullied- you were being a pussy

the facts are you get on a conspiracy message board and complain about your mom to strangers

thats kinda creepy

you mom was probably being 'nice to her dolt of a brat
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1277913


Have a nice day!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279799


WHOA.

WAY TO GO.

banana2
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279302


lolsign

News