My husband's been emotionally abused and verbally beat up by his mother his whole life. She knows no other role than the victim role. Now that we have children and they were becoming pawns in her "game," he's all but severed his relationship with her. They are cordial, and I don't think she really realizes he has severed ties, because he just tells her what she wants to hear and nothing about the reality of his life. She never supports any decisions that he makes, only criticizes to the point that she attacks everything about him and those he loves. I have no doubt, nor do others, that she has borderline personality disorder. I'm not sure that the method of avoidance he has chosen is the best, but when our children were dragged in, that was endgame. Stop putting yourself in situations where she can hurt you? It's "easy" for my husband b/c his mom lives 1000 miles away, so I'm not sure how it would work if she were close. Sorry - I know it sucks and hurts.