Did China give Libya to USA and take Japan?

What if the US traded Japan to China, in exchange for Libya?

1. Japan has earthquakes, tsunami, nuclear accidents. Not clear that this was intentional at all. There are some rumors that China caused it but I don't necessarily believe them. It was probably just a natural disaster, as reported.

2. USA sends carriers to site of nuclear disaster. The sailors on these ships are not very happy at the prospect of growing new fingers from their ears or having deformed children, but orders are orders.

3. Meanwhile, Hillary has been saying, quite reasonably, that the USA doesn't want to do NATO's dirty work in Libya and it's a sovereign matter for the Libyans to decide anyway. Libya is a big prize, with light sweet crude oil, fresh water aquifers, and ports on the Mediterranean. But we respect their sovereignty, and other rival countries like China and Russia expect us to do so.

4. Neither the USA nor China really respects Japan. Both despise it for events in WWII. For the past 65 years, Japan has been US property in the Pacific, an important base. China wants it to consolidate its control of Asia.

5. China has intelligence that US military doesn't listen to Obama. Via military to military contacts, a deal is proposed that the US gets Libya in exchange for Japan. The US military would much rather fight in Libya than get cooked in Fukushima. It's agreed.

6. In Japan, the US Navy turns tail and runs away like cowards, like nobody has ever seen. Commander of Okinawa base gives a very weird speech to his men including a funny thumbs-up sign. All US ships evacuate. Only China provides men to help clean up Fukushima disaster. (Surprisingly, none of these evacuees go to S. Korea even though this was the plan announced by the base commander. Are we evacuating there too?)

7. Japan surrenders to China, announcing publicly that it will cooperate with China in the future and that it is very grateful for China's help in its hour of need.

8 In Libya, US changes policy on a dime. Suddenly we're in favor of UN resolution to step in, we push for a bigger resolution. The change is so fast that NATO doesn't even have time to coordinate its codes, so the US is sending unencrypted messages to its aircraft which are duly intercepted and published on the internet.

9. The US jumps on Libya like a ton of bricks, with cruise missiles, B-2 bombers and who knows what else. Protection of civilians has become another name for all-out assault. France and Britain protest within NATO, but US stooge Anders Fogh Rasmussen tells them to go suck eggs.

and I think that's pretty much up to date, I may have left out some juicy parts I'll think of later. Thoughts?