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Would you say women who create drama in relationships are nuts or just incompatible with their guy?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1334190
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04/08/2011 10:12 PM
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Would you say women who create drama in relationships are nuts or just incompatible with their guy?
My ex exhibited most of the behaviours of a woman suffering from borderline personality disorder, but could all of the drama and chaos have been down to the fact that she was just not that into me? She kept dumping me then hoovering me back in, until I finally put an end to it and walked away for good.

What are your thoughts on this?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1116877
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04/08/2011 10:15 PM
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Re: Would you say women who create drama in relationships are nuts or just incompatible with their guy?
And you kept going back...perhaps you perpetuate or want drama in your life?

Really, I have a coworker that has the crappiest relationship ever...buut he "loooovvvesss" her. Personally, I think men crave drama. It must keep their testosterone flowing or something. Oh and coworker? He cheated on a completely sane, pretty, loving woman for the drama queen he is now going to marry because she got "accidentally pregnant" 30 days in.

Look in the mirror.
Anonymous Coward
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04/08/2011 10:17 PM
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Re: Would you say women who create drama in relationships are nuts or just incompatible with their guy?
Bitches be trippin'
blastem

User ID: 1277515
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04/08/2011 10:19 PM
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Re: Would you say women who create drama in relationships are nuts or just incompatible with their guy?
NUT's freaking Nuts
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1334190
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04/08/2011 10:21 PM
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Re: Would you say women who create drama in relationships are nuts or just incompatible with their guy?
And you kept going back...perhaps you perpetuate or want drama in your life?

Really, I have a coworker that has the crappiest relationship ever...buut he "loooovvvesss" her. Personally, I think men crave drama. It must keep their testosterone flowing or something. Oh and coworker? He cheated on a completely sane, pretty, loving woman for the drama queen he is now going to marry because she got "accidentally pregnant" 30 days in.

Look in the mirror.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1116877


LOL I met the freak on facebook... says it all really. But she fits the description of a high functioning borderline -- whereby she can turn on the charm in front of people who don't know her, but unleash the fires of hell on her partner.
Incognito
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04/08/2011 10:23 PM
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Re: Would you say women who create drama in relationships are nuts or just incompatible with their guy?
Bpd's are equally as scared of intimacy as they are of abandonment, get too close and they push u away, step back a little and they suck u back in. It is all about avoiding their own wounds at all costs and very little to do with any genuine feelings or affection for you. The push me/pull me is classic repetitive bpd behaviour. I'm sure it hurts on many levels but You made the best choice for yourself, well done.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1334190
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04/08/2011 10:28 PM
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Re: Would you say women who create drama in relationships are nuts or just incompatible with their guy?
Bpd's are equally as scared of intimacy as they are of abandonment, get too close and they push u away, step back a little and they suck u back in. It is all about avoiding their own wounds at all costs and very little to do with any genuine feelings or affection for you. The push me/pull me is classic repetitive bpd behaviour. I'm sure it hurts on many levels but You made the best choice for yourself, well done.
 Quoting: Incognito 1320310


Yeh, it was a very painful experience, not one I will ever want to repeat again. It was down to the helpful replies from posters on a thread I created here last year that helped me see my ex was a borderline.
Incognito
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04/08/2011 10:29 PM
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Re: Would you say women who create drama in relationships are nuts or just incompatible with their guy?
[link to www.outofthefog.net]

Link to informative support forum and list of 100 common personality disordered behaviours. It can take time to recover from a relationship like this because of the depth of manipulation and projection put on the non pd partner.
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 1334190
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04/08/2011 10:33 PM
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Re: Would you say women who create drama in relationships are nuts or just incompatible with their guy?
[link to www.outofthefog.net]

Link to informative support forum and list of 100 common personality disordered behaviours. It can take time to recover from a relationship like this because of the depth of manipulation and projection put on the non pd partner.
 Quoting: Incognito 1320310


Thanks :D and yes, no one understands why I can't just simply move on and forget the whole thing. I fell hard for tht girl because initially she came across as so warm, genuine and sincere, but once I was captivated, she started abusing me mercilessly, cheating, dumping me, charming me back in. I can't believe I allowed myself to be subjected to something like that, but they are very cunning and manipulative. God help anyone who falls into the we of the BPD.
Anonymous Coward
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04/08/2011 10:35 PM
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Re: Would you say women who create drama in relationships are nuts or just incompatible with their guy?
I don't think people (male and female) look quite hard enough for the right partner. It makes a lot of sense: the impulse to fuck and the social constraint not to flirt when already engaged in a sexual relationship makes for a difficult time finding just the right match.
moondust

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04/08/2011 10:36 PM
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Re: Would you say women who create drama in relationships are nuts or just incompatible with their guy?
it's not just a matter of personality disorder.

You have a certain personality (I don't know what it is, but everyone has their own personality).

The point is that you need to know the personality types that you prefer to be with. If you like drama, that may be your own desire. You might be slightly passive and masochistic and like that sort of thing. If you do not, you need to do some serious soul searching, take a break from dating and do the following:

1) find out your personality type (and what you would prefer):
passive aggressive, avoidant, passive, or aggressive

2) find out your core values (marriage minded or not, children minded or not, religious/spiritual beliefs, political opinions, hobbies/interests, money spending habits up to and including income, money sharing or lack thereof, if you are ok with someone who has kids or not, sometimes music interest, sometimes racial/age preference, health status ie-how does she take care of her body-, etc).

3) 50-75% hobbies and interests. it's best if you are both socially compatible. can't pair an introvert that hates socializing with an extrovert that cannot stand being home all the time. It helps if the friends and family for both people in a partnership are similar (ie- near equal support systems, this way you aren't spending all your time with your friends while she's bored off her butt at home).

4) both must be in agreement about what constitutes "us" time. ie-some people think gaming, tv, one person cooking, etc, is "us" time. Both partners need to agree on this, as well as how much is healthy for that specific relationship.

I seriously think you should take a step back. This isn't about her, it's about you. Write out all your needs, wants, and if you really want to try to make things work out, have her do the same (it would be for her, on her account, and for you on your account).

It takes time but it is so well worth being able to spot a sociopath early on. How?

Here's an example: you are getting to know someone and you aren't comfortable in social environments. The partner says, "oh yeah, me neither. I hate going out." and then goes out (ie- to bars, out with friends, etc) daily/semi-weekly, hey, that's a red flag! That person's a liar! So there's that. Hope it helps!
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