Anonymous Coward User ID: 1315313 United States 05/30/2011 07:48 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | *****BREAKING*******Japan Radiation Causing Flesh Eating Tomatos Flesh-Eating Tomatoes Reported Across Country Fukushima, Tomato You searched for: radiation Monday, 30 May 2011
Something New And Horrible In The Produce Department Washington, DC-- The Department of Agriculture is warning consumers of a new threat in the produce aisle this summer. Flesh-eating tomatoes have been reported in dozens of cities across the country. No deaths have been recorded, but many people have lost fingers and thumbs to this new pest. Scientists believe genetic engineering, radiation from Fukushima, and Global Warming are all to blame.
Flesh-eating tomatoes look just like any other tomato--until they are awakened. Gigantic, razor-sharp teeth appear from nowhere if the flesh-eating tomato is touched. A horrific bite soon follows. The hungry tomatoes love eating fingers and thumbs. Many unhappy tomato-lovers have found themselves in the hospital after an attack, minus a digit or two. Once the attack is over, the flesh-eating tomato acts as tame as any other vegetable.
The Department of Agriculture recommends that consumers boil all tomatoes before eating them. The department also recommends consumers check tomatoes for any undigested fingers hidden inside.
Secretary of Agriculture Kenyatta Kumbaya has some sage advice for all produce consumers:
"We now live in a world of exploding watermelons, killer cucumbers, and now flesh-eating tomatoes. Please use caution and common sense before approaching any vegetable." |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1407697 United States 05/30/2011 07:50 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: *****BREAKING*******Japan Radiation Causing Flesh Eating Tomatos |
murat User ID: 1334974 United States 05/30/2011 07:51 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: *****BREAKING*******Japan Radiation Causing Flesh Eating Tomatos I'll tell you this, Tomato catapillers! They are green with a horn and if one bites you mother may I you will scream so loud your eyes will blow out of your head. The bite is very very painful. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1402423 United States 05/30/2011 07:52 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: *****BREAKING*******Japan Radiation Causing Flesh Eating Tomatos Secretary of Agriculture Kenyatta Kumbaya |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1362388 United States 05/30/2011 07:53 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: *****BREAKING*******Japan Radiation Causing Flesh Eating Tomatos Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1407697 +1 |
tkwasny
User ID: 1380976 United States 05/30/2011 07:54 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: *****BREAKING*******Japan Radiation Causing Flesh Eating Tomatos |
besweet
User ID: 427545 United States 05/30/2011 08:04 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: *****BREAKING*******Japan Radiation Causing Flesh Eating Tomatos i just survived planting 16 tomato plants. my hands are still intact. very silly and well thought out thread. we are amused. 'it is not the duty of the police to protect you. their job is to protect THE CORPORATION and arrest code breakers.'
(sapp vs tallahassee) |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1053729 United States 05/30/2011 08:07 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: *****BREAKING*******Japan Radiation Causing Flesh Eating Tomatos Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!!!! |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 78883174 United States 01/09/2021 12:52 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: *****BREAKING*******Japan Radiation Causing Flesh Eating Tomatos |