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Poster Handle JamesBe1
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I'm 51 and am an MKultra survivor that started in the early 60s for me. I suspect, from reading the thread that I'm one of the oldest posting here. My experiences come out of Ontario in Canada.
I'm under the impression that most think that this type of programming didn't start until the 60s but that doesn't ring true for me because it was obvious to me that it was fairly advanced by the time I was pulled into it.
My story is long so I won't won't go into it too much here but I'd like to say how I realized the truth of my past."

Simply put, I had many many unanswered questions and life was full of anxiety and panic attacks. I'm a very curious person so I'd ask myself "why" a lot. Why is this giving me a panic attack, why is this making me feel anxious, why do I only barely remember my school years and childhood, why am I so angry, why is my mother asking me if I remember this or that (testing my memory), why why why???? Why did my mother tell me, when she was drunk, that "if I ever remember certain things I'm going to come after her"? Why can't I hold down a job? Why does time make me feel so anxious? Why am I so unstable with everything? I went through years of instability with just about everything you can think of...relationships, jobs etc. I'd look back on the life that I could remember and say to myself, this doesn't make any sense, it doesn't explain why I'm reacting so much. It was when I was living alone and without any real responsibility that I started to feel stable enough to offer myself that ultimate challenge. The question I put to myself was, am I ok with how life is? Do I want to know what all the answers are to my whys? My answer was yes, I wanted to know and was prepared to go through whatever it took to get to the truth. There's a difference between wish ing you had the answers and really being prepared to get them. Over the next few days I could feel that something was emerging in me. I was starting to wake up feeling drugged, sleeping longer than I had ever slept before. (this was my sub conscience connecting with my consciousness ) It was like I was creating a direct link ..an umbilical cord. Someone on here said that the human brain was fragile, I disagree, it's absolutely fascinating and full of incredible ways to heal itself. Some on here seem to feel defeated..I disagree with that as well, they can not defeat you because they didn't know what they were dealing with, they can not attack your inner most being (your soul), they can not relate to it either and that is why they do not know how to destroy it.
 Quoting: Infinitywon

Thankyou for adding this Infinitywon. Perhaps others can use this as a template to start to answer their own "why's".

That is a very good point that people aren't usually prepared for the answers to their questions. I think being mentally prepared to accept whatever the answer may be helps to allow the conscious and subconscious to reconnect. Certainly there are other parts of oneself that need to be prepared for the answers, but this is probably a big part of healing.

I think the poster describing the human mind as fragile might have been an oversimplification. Probably its better to realise that certain aspects of our minds are more impressionable and reactive than other aspects.

While note a victim of mkultra (that I know of), I find that the abuse and tampering with peoples minds to be amongst the worst atrocities ever committed. It has been terribly suppressed by tptb in an effort to coverup their crimes.

Perhaps you can share with others what other things you have done to help yourself heal. You just might provide a key (not the best choice of terms as it is often a trigger) idea to help at least one other person start to heal.
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