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All my wife does is sit around all day.

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1417597
United States
06/08/2011 12:52 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
OP, get her pregnant, that'll keep her busy.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1215551
Cyprus
06/08/2011 12:55 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
You married her - deal with it !
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1272424


well what the fuck do you think Im doing guy? Im talking to her about it and shes acting like im being unfair, all I need is opinions on if Im being fair or not. not your opinion on what I should do.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1414716


If she's medically depressed, then, no, you are not being fair. It's like being annoyed that someone with two broken legs doesn't go jogging with you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1322813


shes on medication and goes to a doctor so there should be no reason for it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1414716




That's her whole problem right there - the medication and going to a doctor.

The body is healed through fresh fruit and vegetables, seeds, nuts, water, exercise, fresh air. Medications are chemicals, not fit for consumption under any circumstance.
Doctors aren't gods, they "practice" and their diagnoses are often wrong. They are not taught how to prevent disease.
Above all, she needs to read the Bible and have some hope in her Creator. There is no hope in watching TV or the like all day.
CalmB4theLight

User ID: 1417561
Mexico
06/08/2011 12:59 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
Hey Bubbah, yo wife posts here too about the same thing...one recommendation if I may...heard of Dr Phil??

Thread: All my BUTT does is sit around all day
You are Godlike unto your domain, did you forget that - or did you just choose to ignore it?...

See you on the other side :)

1...million...souls...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1419324
Canada
06/08/2011 12:59 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
Get her off those posionous prescriptions and get yourself educated about natural healing.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1354789
United States
06/08/2011 01:01 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
I can only speak from my own experience. My thoughts are:

1. She is unhappy in the relationship, you two need to sit down and figure out what would make her and you happy.

2. She could have a physical health problem. I was put on all kind of depression medication, even visited a psychologist. The real problem was I had an under active thyroid and a deficiency in vitamin D.

Good luck in making the right decision on how to handle this situation.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1415916
United States
06/08/2011 01:06 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
You married her - deal with it !
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1272424


well what the fuck do you think Im doing guy? Im talking to her about it and shes acting like im being unfair, all I need is opinions on if Im being fair or not. not your opinion on what I should do.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1414716


not our opinion? why the fuck are you posting on a conspiracy website? people will tell you to just fuck her (literally or figuratively).
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1419426
Italy
06/08/2011 02:36 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
I'm a stay at home mom who sometimes feels overwhelmed and therefore some days doesn't do much in a day, but when I do accomplish things and feel good about my day, my husband complains that day and accuses me of sitting around all day. It is like I can't win.

So now you know my situation, I'll perhaps say something that may be of help to you, as I am from the stay at home's point of view.

First, it is a fine line between you being the husband and acting like a father. And if she had a mean or abusive father, she will resent anything you tell her to do and will sabotage what you want. So you have to be really careful how you approach her about this.

She can't be awake in the day to clean if she is up at night. And I have a tendency to be up at night to play--it feels like "free time" but of course it isn't. So tell her that you want the family to have a bedtime "lights out" that is house-wide--no exceptions. Make it where you will get your 8 hrs sleep and then wake up the same time every day.

Secondly, DO NOT complain when you see she's done more in a day, even if it isn't "adequate." She will then feel that what she does isn't worth it if you are just going to complain. Thank her for anything you see that she's done that day. (positive reinforcement.)

When you can help organize the house so everything has a place, help get everything caught up so she doesn't feel overwhelmed if that is a problem.

I feel like I have to do everything before everyone gets home. It is not enough time to exercise, run errands, clean, etc. If I wasn't judged regarding what I do during that time, I wouldn't feel the stress I do which then results in feeling futile and then crashing and doing nothing. Tell her that you want her to exercise first--that if she doesn't get to do everything while you are at work you want her to put her health first. If she does exercise, she will feel good and will have more energy to do other stuff. Then even if she has to continue cleaning after you come home that should ease some pressure off of her, perhaps.

We are creatures of habit. Obviously, she has gotten into some bad habits (bad sleep schedule, bad time organization, inability to accomplish what needs to be done.) At the beginning, when you are home (of course you need some rest time, but after that any time you have free) instigate some chores you can do together. Get her used to labor again. Once she gets moving she keep busy. (A body in motion tends to stay in motion....)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1387694
06/08/2011 02:43 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
maybe she has chronic fatigue syndrome
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1387694
06/08/2011 02:43 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
OP, get her pregnant, that'll keep her busy.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1417597


baaaaaad advice
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1410813
Canada
06/08/2011 02:45 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
Do like i did give here the damn house and find yourself a rich women.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1419489
United States
06/08/2011 02:47 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
You married her - deal with it !
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1272424


well what the fuck do you think Im doing guy? Im talking to her about it and shes acting like im being unfair, all I need is opinions on if Im being fair or not. not your opinion on what I should do.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1414716


If she's medically depressed, then, no, you are not being fair. It's like being annoyed that someone with two broken legs doesn't go jogging with you.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1322813


shes on medication and goes to a doctor so there should be no reason for it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1414716


The medication doesn't necessarily make you "not depressed". I always felt like a zombie and barely was able to function. I didn't feel like doing anything. I felt not sad but not glad. I didn't have anything besides just depression.

Sounds like she may need psychotherapy instead of "drug" therapy. That or she needs to volunteer or get involved in church or a woman's group.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1419489
United States
06/08/2011 02:51 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
I'm a stay at home mom who sometimes feels overwhelmed and therefore some days doesn't do much in a day, but when I do accomplish things and feel good about my day, my husband complains that day and accuses me of sitting around all day. It is like I can't win.

So now you know my situation, I'll perhaps say something that may be of help to you, as I am from the stay at home's point of view.

First, it is a fine line between you being the husband and acting like a father. And if she had a mean or abusive father, she will resent anything you tell her to do and will sabotage what you want. So you have to be really careful how you approach her about this.

She can't be awake in the day to clean if she is up at night. And I have a tendency to be up at night to play--it feels like "free time" but of course it isn't. So tell her that you want the family to have a bedtime "lights out" that is house-wide--no exceptions. Make it where you will get your 8 hrs sleep and then wake up the same time every day.

Secondly, DO NOT complain when you see she's done more in a day, even if it isn't "adequate." She will then feel that what she does isn't worth it if you are just going to complain. Thank her for anything you see that she's done that day. (positive reinforcement.)

When you can help organize the house so everything has a place, help get everything caught up so she doesn't feel overwhelmed if that is a problem.

I feel like I have to do everything before everyone gets home. It is not enough time to exercise, run errands, clean, etc. If I wasn't judged regarding what I do during that time, I wouldn't feel the stress I do which then results in feeling futile and then crashing and doing nothing. Tell her that you want her to exercise first--that if she doesn't get to do everything while you are at work you want her to put her health first. If she does exercise, she will feel good and will have more energy to do other stuff. Then even if she has to continue cleaning after you come home that should ease some pressure off of her, perhaps.

We are creatures of habit. Obviously, she has gotten into some bad habits (bad sleep schedule, bad time organization, inability to accomplish what needs to be done.) At the beginning, when you are home (of course you need some rest time, but after that any time you have free) instigate some chores you can do together. Get her used to labor again. Once she gets moving she keep busy. (A body in motion tends to stay in motion....)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1419426


+1000
spacegoat

User ID: 1419496
United States
06/08/2011 02:52 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
OP, you didn't mention in your post what good things there are in your marriage. Do you two get along well otherwise, and do you have a good love life? If you have those components to your marriage, then it is surely worth saving.

If you don't, then it doesn't look good, in my opinion. I know someone who was married to a woman like your wife. She did nothing all day, refused to get a job, never cleaned the house, and never contributed anything to the marriage. They had kids, and she didn't even do a good job of raising them. Her husband thought of her as another one of the kids because that's the way she behaved. She played video games and talked on forums all day long while he worked, and then nitpicked him about everything he did. After years of struggling with her and even going to counseling, it ended in divorce. There was no glue holding them together. She just wanted his paycheck and the security of having a working husband. She now lives with her parents again.

I think that if you love her and you know that she loves you, and you don't want to live without her, then you need to be honest with her. Don't be cruel with your criticism, but tell her how you're feeling. It is completely unfair to you to have to live this way, but she may need help if she is depressed, unmotivated, and/or unsatisfied. I believe you can save the marriage if there is something there worth saving.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1419146
United States
06/08/2011 03:05 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
Try to encourage her to be on a schedule. A depressed person with only unstructured time is a bad combination. If you can, give her a goodbye kiss in the morning. If you can give her a brief call at the same time each day (you can tell her about this beforehand ... don't make it a punishment, but something nice). Give her a call when you leave work for home. Maybe arrange to do something with her even if it is a simple thing. I know it is frustrating, but scolding wont help. Trying to gently push her into scheduled time, if it fails, might show her the medicine is not working. Also, what did she hope to do? Is she disappointed she didn't get a career? If so, keep an eye out for leads for her.
shannon1979
User ID: 1382770
United States
06/08/2011 03:09 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
If I were you I'd tell her if she wants to be the one to stay at home,it would be nice if she tidied up the house.Tell her you are exhausted and you need her to do this.
Positive encouragement works well also.If she does do something,praise her for it and say "thank you".If she knows you appreciate it she will do it more often.Perhaps you could get the ball rolling yourself.When you have a day off clean up the house and tell her it would be nice if she kept it up from now on.She might just be too overwhelmed to know where to start.But,who am I to tell you this when my husband still thinks the "hamper" is a place privileged people go for vacation.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
06/08/2011 03:09 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
so I work at least 10 hour work days. the wife stays at home most of the time. she has a part time job watching someones kid. she works maybe two hours every other day (if that). I think that she should at least tidy up the house. She cant cook worth a shit so I cant expect anything like that. But everyday I come home the house is COMPLETELY trashed and all she does is sleep during the daytime and play ps3, and she stays up all night playing ps3 and watching tv. I bring in 90 percent of the money why cant she do anything? Am I being an asshole thinking that she should at least do something to help?
 Quoting: help 1414716


******************************************

Be delighted she is not manic and running around charging thousands on credit cards.

********************************************************
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1328703
United States
06/08/2011 03:19 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
Take her out to eat everyday, hire an American house cleaner and JUST GET OVER IT!deadhorse
NewAge1

User ID: 1418066
United States
06/08/2011 03:31 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
Stop Playin, You tell her Woman, clean this shit up, im workin all day, this is insane. And go get a cook book,make me somethin to eat, matter fact, I want pizza. try that one, i think it'll do the job
CITY
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 769657
United States
06/08/2011 03:34 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
so I work at least 10 hour work days. the wife stays at home most of the time. she has a part time job watching someones kid. she works maybe two hours every other day (if that). I think that she should at least tidy up the house. She cant cook worth a shit so I cant expect anything like that. But everyday I come home the house is COMPLETELY trashed and all she does is sleep during the daytime and play ps3, and she stays up all night playing ps3 and watching tv. I bring in 90 percent of the money why cant she do anything? Am I being an asshole thinking that she should at least do something to help?
 Quoting: help 1414716


Throw away the Ps3 and the tv and put a pair of walking shoes and a buss pass on the tv stand with the job ads.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 769657


thought about it, but then shed be on the computer all day. I cant get rid of my computer you know?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1414716


Take the modem with you.
Puppetmaster33

User ID: 1419468
United States
06/08/2011 03:34 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
have her play world of warcraft.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1419519
United States
06/08/2011 03:43 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
Is she hot?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1419519
United States
06/08/2011 03:45 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
OP, get her pregnant, that'll keep her busy.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1417597

You're an asshole. He said he was already sick of her.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1292002
United States
06/08/2011 03:47 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
Number one, if you are always critical, that makes people depressed. You make her feel incompetant before she even tries to do anything.

Then if she is on psychiatric medication, all that does is lobotomize the brain. She will just become more and more apathetic. That is a side effect of the drugs.

If you want her to do certain things, make sure you praise her when she does them. Maybe start cleaning the house yourself and then she will feel like joining you.

People like to live in clean houses. It just takes some motivation. If the house is clean to begin with, you will be less likely to want to mess it up again.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
06/08/2011 04:07 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
I have a similar story, I've been on both ends of this one.
When My husband and I first moved out together I worked as a manager putting in 40hrs and more every week.
He had gotten fired so he was at home during this.
I would come home to a messy house after work, have to clean and cook dinner while he laid around playing video games.
Sex was around 1-2 times per week.
This continued for several years and during that time he would work some but video games took up most of his time.
He rarely ever cleaned up after himself. the house, or pets.
Sex dropped to 1-2 times per month.
Then I had a sick relative who was homeless and a alcoholic move in a few years ago.
Seeing him destroy himself took alot out of me plus having to take care of him, the house, and pets while my husband played games and didn't work.
After the relative died another moved that was also an alcoholic who died a year to the day the other relative who was her brother did.
Watching 2 people I loved die depressed the hell out of me and left me empty but it didn't matter to my husband evidently because anytime I tried to tell him how unhappy I was he shrugged it off.
During these years of seeing him stay up all night playing video games, withholding sex because the gaming was more important to him, and distancing himself further from me further compounded my depression.
Now a couple of years later I still have not worked and he has went from job to job getting fired and only in the past 6 months held a steady job.
I usually cook, clean, and take care of pets everyday.
He comes home and within the hour it looks like I haven't cleaned at all.
He won't take care of the pets, won't clean up after himself, and we have sex maybe once every couple months or so.
When I try to talk to him about it he gets defensive with me and doesn't want to talk.
He makes snide remarks about me doing nothing and him being the one working.
He gets mad now when I stay up all night on the computer and when he initiates sex I no longer want it from him.
I warned him years ago that he was going to keep pushing me away until the tables turned and it happens to him which it did.
Now I don't know why I stay.......
I am still just as depressed and unhappy as hell.
The thing that sucks worse is he used to be my best friend now we argue more than anything.
So op I suggest you talk to her, listen to what she has to say and look deep inside your own self to see if you may be the cause of some of her depression.
Save this marriage if you can.
Love is worth so much more than money.
It wasn't all that long ago when men wanted to take care of their spouses and wanted the spouses to take care of the home.
They came home tired but ready to spend time with their family.
Now they come home tired, plug into whatever device that can make then unplug from their life and family.
It's a lonely world even when you're married it seems.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1419540
United States
06/08/2011 04:11 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
so I work at least 10 hour work days. the wife stays at home most of the time. she has a part time job watching someones kid. she works maybe two hours every other day (if that). I think that she should at least tidy up the house. She cant cook worth a shit so I cant expect anything like that. But everyday I come home the house is COMPLETELY trashed and all she does is sleep during the daytime and play ps3, and she stays up all night playing ps3 and watching tv. I bring in 90 percent of the money why cant she do anything? Am I being an asshole thinking that she should at least do something to help?
 Quoting: help 1414716


Someones probably fucking her while you're at work. I would install hidden cameras in your place. Or call the TV show Cheaters.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1417466
Australia
06/08/2011 04:21 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
so I work at least 10 hour work days. the wife stays at home most of the time. she has a part time job watching someones kid. she works maybe two hours every other day (if that). I think that she should at least tidy up the house. She cant cook worth a shit so I cant expect anything like that. But everyday I come home the house is COMPLETELY trashed and all she does is sleep during the daytime and play ps3, and she stays up all night playing ps3 and watching tv. I bring in 90 percent of the money why cant she do anything? Am I being an asshole thinking that she should at least do something to help?
 Quoting: help 1414716


If you don't have kids and she isn't smokin' hot, divorce her NOW before she takes even more from you!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1413969
Australia
06/08/2011 04:23 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
Just another blood sucker wtf did you marry her for?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1419535
Australia
06/08/2011 04:30 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
You sound like a real asshole. No wonder she's depressed.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1417423
Spain
06/08/2011 04:34 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
OP, get her pregnant, that'll keep her busy.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1417597


do not do this, op.

you will earn an enemy, if you do not become a full blown mother then.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1387000
United States
06/08/2011 04:49 AM
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Re: All my wife does is sit around all day.
Get her off the meds! Haven't your heard the psych industry is a factory of death and family disarray? Get her on some daily vitamins and get her butt outside walking or something. That means your butt will need to be out walking or doing something too.

Also start on your weekly date night this week and start buying her a little token gift every couple weeks. Like a flower or little crystal for the window or pack of gum. Little stuff that is a constant reminder to her that you thought of her. And start cleaning the house vigorously right in front of her. She will get in the spirit of things and start helping. Then set a weekly schedule perhaps the morning after date night you both clean.

You should also both leave the house for a week or two and change your environment so she can snap out of it. Like a vacation. And join a church or martial arts club or hiking club or something that you can drag her along with long enough so she makes some social connections and starts involving that in her life.

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