Help me get fired so I can collect an unemployment check!!! Ideas Please!

If you get fired "for cause" you are not eligible for UI

Just tell them your GLP username.

tell your company that you are thinking about re-evaluating your career and would like to discuss all your options. Tell them you need their help for your future development in the company.

You for sure will be fired for making yourself better than them

He dildo, it will never stay with a few weeks, welfare is difficult to get out of. But I would suggest squeezing your bosses boobs.

Eat foods that will gas and let her rip in the office. Show no mercy.....

Whatever you do don't admit it in the hearing and don't sign anything on the way out. You will get it for sure. One good way is do nothing and when they ask you to do something say you don't feel like it. Have some fun with it.

watch porn instead of working.

naahhh that seems to get people promoted to politics

If you suspect your company might do layoffs in the near future, try to get into one of the positions that will most likely get laid off.

I'll take your job you can have my unemployment.

[link to coedmagazine.com]

1. Taking the hate you have for your boss public

There’s nothing worse than blasting your boss on a social network, especially when he/she is your Facebook friend!

2.) Posting photos of yourself goofing around at work

You really want to get fired? Put photos up of yourself all over the internet showing yourself relaxing, goofing off, and not getting a damn thing done at work.

3.) Bragging about getting drunk during your lunch hour

Heading out to your favorite restaurant during your lunch break is one thing, but getting buzzed, and then bragging about it to your office mates is just dumb. Don’t do it!

4.) Bragging on a public forum about being late to work

Want to show your boss how much you really don’t care about your job? Be late consistently.

5.) Being the office prankster

Want to show you don’t take yourself or your job that serious? Then be the office prankster. The one guy who gets on everyone’s nerves because they’re always up to something.

6.) Being the angry dude

If you’re looking to fill up your HR file, NOT get a recommendation for your next job, or to get fired, be the angry dude in the office.

7.) Blasting music through headphones so loud others can hear

You love DMX, Dave Matthews, and Danity Kane? Great, but listen to their music on your own time, not your jobs.

8.) Stealing office supplies

Really want to piss your boss off? Steal other people’s office supplies and arrange them nicely on your desk. Put a few in your pocket while you’re at it.

9.) Taking really long lunches every day

Leave the office at noon and don’t come back until 3. Everyday.

10.) Doing whatever you want, all the time.

You really want to get fired, then don’t do any work, at all.

If you get fired, you do not get unemployment.

The easiest way to get fired is to do your job poorly. Now I'm not talking about things like coming in late or mouthing off...nothing like that. Just do your job poorly. Slowly. Incorrectly. Wrong numbers. Wrong orders. I know it's hard to do that when you're a normal person, but bit your lip and do it. Eventually, they'll have to cut you lose...and losing your job due to poor performance still means unemployment.

And when unemployment runs out and you go to find a new job, you say, "I was doing well at my last job and they advanced me rapidly, and they expected me to know things I hadn't been trained in yet. They're just not very efficient there, and I want to work for a company that is..." or something like that, where you turn it around to make it sound like THEY were the ones not doing their jobs. :P

you don't pay into unemployment, op. the place you work for does that.

just be like this

Do what that guy did in Fight Club, he got to stay home and stayed on the payroll.

Incorrect. If you were fired because the job wasn't a good fit, because your position was terminated because of company cut-backs, or because of reasons like poor performance on the job, you still qualify.

That's not a problem...just go down the hall to the other office. They'll hook you up.

shit on your bosses desk

Please refer to this thread OP.

Thread: Are You Raising a Douchebag?

...now look in mirror.

Let your Boss see you reading anything wrote by Marx.

Be black and it will all come naturally

Are you in for the long haul? It could take months or weeks for you to get fired. You can't get fired for cause (e.g. malfeasance or misconduct). This means no internet, emails, IM, texting or surfing on your phone, radio playing at your desk or streaming music through your computer and you must follow all of the guidelines in the employee manual. I suggest you get a copy discretely if you can.

Your work has to be substandard and incompetent (unless you work for the government…then that’s the norm and you’re screwed). There are several books on the subject out there. I suggest you research a few before you commit. Good luck!

They take out unemployment insurance in NJ. Plus if you get fired here you can get UI, you just have a month penalty.

I've actually thought about doing this.

I've tried just about everything - late everyday, apathetic, etc. I do find it difficult to NOT get my work done, just can't imagine sitting around for 9 hours a day doing NOTHING.

When it comes down to it I LOVE the field I'm in and there are only a handful of people that do what I do (just a rare field - I'm not that special) - I just REALLY dislike the folks that employ me.


Really awesome ideas out there! Thank you!!!

AP Girl - I'm doing pretty well on this list. I've been nailing points # 4,5,6 & 9.

Guess I'll have to try harder!

My boss is an awesome person so I would never do anything to undermine or insult

that would be hard to do this to a really nice boss....

Take a giant shit on your bosses desk.