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hey, everyone. it's been a bad day today. dad's been sick and i have a massive headache.

just one of those days, i suppose.

sorry to be such a downer, i'm so tired, it's hard to be positive.

hoping tomorrow will be better.

Aw, TG, I'm sorry to hear that. How much longer does your dad have to go with the treatments? Hopefully, not too much more.

I talked to my mom the other day and we're waiting to hear about my dad now too. He has another growth on his throat. This time they think it's on the outside, but mom said you can actually see this one. We should hear in the next week or so. It sounds like the doc doesn't like it at all. Mom needs to have both hips replaced, too, but she doesn't want to do it. She says it's because of dad, but she had an awful time after her first one, she's always said she won't do it again. Now she's sleeping in the recliner 'cause it hurts too much to sleep in bed. I told her I'd come up and help, but she says no. My brother and I are having something of a war AGAIN, but she didn't know about that at the time. He's such a ... (fill in the blank) ... Sorry, probably shouldn't write that, but just couldn't help myself.

Don't forget to get YOUR rest, too. There's a line, sweetie, and you have to remember when you get to it. Maybe it's more like a wall...LOL...you know when you hit it!

i'm so sorry about your parents. it has to be terrifing to be so far from them and your brother being an ASSWIPE.there i said it for you). it would be hard on your mom to have both hips done. there has been many lawsuits about hip replacements being manufactured badly. it's all scary. who knows what is best?

my mom sleeps in her chair in the living room. she started that when dad was so sick year before last. she says she's comfortable, so i don't say much.

dad has started saying he's going to kill himself if mom doesn't let him have the garden he wants. i've already moved all the guns to the farm. he's so awful about guilt tripping us. we can't help that he has cancer!!! no good deed goes unpunished, eh? mom wants me to talk to the home health person tomorrow and see about some kind of sedative or something to calm him down.

i'll sign him up for a med weed card!! two birds with one stone right there!

mom says we have to ignore him when he gets like this, but it's hard to do.

at least we have each other and our group to help with this struggle. i'm so glad i know you and hope i can give you as much support as you give me.

hey TG and TB, you are both in my thoughts.

Love you both heaps and hope you both have a good day.

i have been where you both are, with very sick parents, so i understand.

xoxoxo

If today was that crappy tomorrow has to be better. Take some nice hot tea, close your eyes and release the stress! Sounds like thats what type of headache you have.

TB is giving you good advice! I do hope your dad feels better tomorrow, it is very hard to be so helpless to help.

much love right back to you, sis. the long haul is made easier with loving companions.

sorry you had to go through this as well, but at least we know we are doing as much as we possibly can for our loved ones.

Poor thing, TG. My heart goes out to you and I hope you get some rest and get rid of your headache. I think we're all tired right now. Stress makes it worse. Just so many people needing so much, with only one of ourselves to give.

You're not being a downer at all. Realistic and truthful. That in itself, is refreshing. Hugs to you!

Thanks guys.

TG, sorry, I was off listening to the 60's music. I'm glad you moved the guns. Years ago, when my dad got sick from the chemicals he worked with, he used to say things like that. Thankfully, the best thing that happened is he got laid off in the 70's. We didn't think so at the time, but it gave us all these years with him we wouldn't have had otherwise. Mom's just being bull headed. Both of my parents are LOUSY patients, that's just the way they are.

Don't stay up late with us, go to sleep when you can. Take catnaps if you need to. Sleep is going to be in short supply for you, you HAVE to get it in whenever you can. I don't know how you should deal with you dad, but I know from experience, it's hard not to call them on it when they talk that way. My mom says the exact same things, but that doesn't work either. I guess all you can do is stock up on pressure bandages for you tongue and hope for the best. Maybe if you and your dad are smoking together all he'll have is the munchies!?!

thank you, honey. you are a good person to respond to my whining. i need to stop that. seriously.

i'm actually having a cup of cider tea, tastes good with a spoon of honey and i took two sinus tablets. hope that helps me.

TB is a genius. why, i think we're all just the smartest pants in town!!

Oh wow, TB. What a fine mess and with your own physical problems too! I hope it turns out that your Dad's throat isn't as bad as they expect. It was so nice of you to offer to go and help out.

That was good advice you gave to TG. The same advice applies to you. Hugs to you too!

thank you for the massive hug. it felt sooo good!!

i think being inside so much is really getting to me. it's either really cold outside or muddy as hell right now. i'm going to try to take a yard chair outside tomorrow and sit in the sun for a bit. or i'm taking a walk around the property in my mud boots. maybe i'll see the pheasants again, i saw 3 deer last time.

is anyone having trouble with those darn orange beetles right now? i keep finding them all over the house and the smell like stink bug when you crush them. they bite as well.

Ok, guys...not looking for hugs here. I'm serious. If I'm such a freakin' genius, then why is everything falling apart at the seams? Why is it easier to see solutions (even lousy ones) for other people than it is to see them for myself? I can't let myself go on a rant, but I guess what I'm saying is, I don't see myself that way. AND...truth be told, I've been called worse names than poor Ttown girl before. I should just cancel this post, but it's been bugging me.

Anyway, I'll be back in a few. Gotta go bed down the critters.

This is very sad. As hard as it is for you to hear, he must feel very powerless to resort to those words. Doesn't make it any easier for you though. I'm sorry.

It does seem that no good deed goes unpunished. Guess we can't look at it that way though and keep going. We have to have a Mary Poppins attitude. One that says, when you need me but don't want me, I'll be there. When you want me but don't need me, I'll be gone. Sometimes it has to become a daily mantra.

I did like your Dad's idea of also having some hybrids planted. Times are uncertain and heirlooms are slower to develop and produce, than hybrids. You could have some early hybrids and some later heirlooms.

Hoping things look a lot better real soon TG. That kind of stress is hard to hold up under.

i tried talking to them about the green, they both said no. i'm sure mom knows i want to share in the goodies and she thinks i'd be laying around stoned all the time. little does she know that i'm at my best that way, with much more energy and a better attitude.

mom told him to shut the hell up about saying he'll kill himself. he backed down after awhile, but keeps muttering that life isn't worth living. mom said he should tell that to someone who's in so much pain there isn't anything that can be done for them, he should be grateful he's got as much health as he does.

i'm gonna get some of that skin glue for my lips.

yeah, i can't keep trying to stay awake at night, i need to go to sleep at 9pm when i start to get sleepy. i hate that though.

Thank you TG, but I know it just isn't enough. Wish there was something I could do to help. It's a great idea to try to sit out in the sun. Just so darn chilly even when the temp says it's not that bad.

No, haven't had the beetles yet, but will soon enough. The good thing is that they come in the spring. Must not be far off. I hope...oh how I hope. 8)

We know you're not looking for hugs sweetie, but is it ok if we offer them anyway? I hope so.

You are a genius. Look at all you handle and have handled with style and grace. I don't know anyone who could or would have pulled off what you did with the turkey meal.

Things are falling apart at the seams everywhere. Sometimes it seems the harder we try the worse it gets. We just can't let that attitude get to us though.

Sad that you've been called worse names. Not that I have any sympathy for her at all, since she has none for others, but for you, I do. You don't deserve it and shouldn't get it.

No, you shouldn't cancel your post. You need to vent just like the rest of us.

because clarity is something seen better from a distance. we can't see beyond our own selves sometimes.

it's hard to see clearly when our emotions are tangled up with the problem. it's like the fog of war, everything is distorted and fucked up.

i can't find my way out of a wet paperbag with my problems most of the time. it literally makes me insane. i do mean that. that's why i spill my guts to you all and have a therapist i can talk to on the phone. cause life makes me lose myself sometimes.

shit, i've been mocked and told that i'm the stupidest poster on glp before, called the *c* word in a red karma, told that i don't know shit and should shut the fuck up and never post again, it goes on and on.

don't ever cancel a post because you feel like it might make you sound bad. if i did that, half my posts would have to go.

rant when you want. letting go of built up emotional pressure is essential to survival. holding it in literally can kill you.

thank you for those wise words. i'm usually pollyannaish. stress is getting to me though. i'm going to fight it hard and knock it on it's ass.

dad goes between being okay, being angry and feeling bad for himself. he usually feels sorry for himself when we have to tell him no on something he really can't do anymore. we feel bad about doing it, but we would be foolish not to limit him when he can't do it for himself.

yeah, we are getting some hybrids and some heirlooms. mom talked to dad and he is going to scale down the size of the garden. it has been giving me nightmares.

i'll bounce back, i always do and i don't have a choice anyway. i need to exercise more, at least trot around the yard or walk. i hate doing those things under the chemtrails though. this pic was from last winter. i stopped taking pics of the chems, too depressing.

what happened to walkers everywhere? i haven't seen any posts by him since i came back.

anyone know?

Thanks, Nine's. Idk...it's just probably cabin fever. I KNOW I'm home alone too much, but once we can get the truck fixed it should get better. With my luck, gas will be too much for us to fill two vehicles! Maybe you better mail me those seeds after all.

The thing is, this was supposed to be my time to go to school or find a job. Something that was interesting to me. I've been following everyone around for DECADES and now with youngest one going off in the fall...but I got sick. I really am getting better physically, I still have a LOT of exhaustion to deal with, but all of the supplements are finally kicking in after about 9 months. Hubs is a type A personality and a workaholic, always has been. I really didn't mind too much when the kids were little, I was too damn busy most of the time. I'm so glad I found you all. The "real" friends I had down here have moved or honestly passed away. The "other" people I thought were friends aren't. It was about what can I (me) do for you. In over a year, none of them have called to see if anything is wrong. I realize I'm whining, sorry. Just trying to explain. Ok, I quit bitchin'! It's too quiet tonight and I have to be taxi mom in a half hour.

One of hubs employee's mom is in the heart hospital and the family is just waiting. The mom has congestive heart disease. Hubs is working for her tonight. She is such a sweet person, the employee, don't know the mom. I will miss her when she goes back home. She's like you TG, she lives out of state and came back here to help her mom. Seems to be in all of our futures, doesn't it?

Idk what happened to Walker's. A while back, I read he got baned, but I don't know that for sure. He's not been on for a long time, I think.

Wasn't very wise TG. It was stupid. The "when you need me" thing was Nanny McPhee, not Mary Poppins. Apologies to both. LOL.

Yes, the stress is getting to all of us but you're a fighter, we're all fighters and we'll be ok. It would be great to get some "relaxing" exercise. I think we'll all feel better when we can get outdoors, enjoy nature and experience some of the peace. Winter is a very gloomy time in this area and nature has so much to offer. It might have something to offer in the winter too, but when you're shivering so bad you can't see or hear anything but your chattering teeth, it's hard to appreciate it.

Yes, the chemtrails. It's so sickening. Figuratively and literally.

Last Edited by Nine's - IN MEMORIAM on 02/19/2012 07:57 PM

he changed his name:
[link to www.godlikeproductions.com]

but i see he hasn't been on for ages.

He did say he was coming to nz znd oz for a holiday, but i would have thought he would have got hold of me if he is nz (might still be in oz)

He has a daughter and grandchild here..

He was getting very unpopular at GLP, so maybe he did get banned, or left by choice...

Ok TG I'm looking at 10 to 14 hours of releafe that is the best I can do, a the moment. You need potassioum (sp)

it's okay, TB. i think most of us felt that at some point we would be able to do what we wanted for ourselves. seems we got hijacked by life.

i understand the slow process of being unwell. having CFS has been a real bitch and the exhaustion is the worst part. putting one foot in front of the other some days is almost too hard to accomplish. we have to be tougher than our disorders. i know you fight within your own self to feel better.

unreal friends are worse than no friends at all. fuckers.

you whine and bitch all you want. you have to unlease the beast sometimes just to shut it up.

i'll pray for the family of the ill person. it's a hard situation all around for all that deal with it.

be safe driving. you have friends that honestly love and care about you. right here, right now.

Hi, Drendwire!

I have to go for awhile guys, but I'll be back later. Consider all of your best "hug" smilies sent to each of you!!! You are all the best!

thank you, drendwire. don't tire yourself out for me. i do appreciate your help though, because it really does help me.

can i get potassium by tablet?

i would not have known,,as i haven't seen nanny mcphee and haven't watched mary poppins in many years. it's all good.

we are the fighting kind. just have to make ourselves realize what we can do for ourselves and then do it!! i've been doing alot of stretching, but i long to go outside. but the damn trails just keep me inside. i do go out on the clear days.

Yes, not to much , more is not better You only need a small amount or it will upset your digestion. always go with little and increase as you need. Bleaings Drendwire

from the new name he chose, i know who he was. i knew him before he changed to walker. he's a smart guy, no doubt about that. who knows if he was baned, but i know that many people didn't like him. that's too bad, i did.

hope he gets in touch with you if he goes to NZ. he seemed like a decent person at heart.

love you, sis. hope your day is bright and happy.