I enjoyed that read. I am going through much the same as you. I am listening to "The Power of Now" on cd and I am trying to stay in the now as much as possible...my ego cannot survive there. :) And I am trying to be a watcher of my thoughts. It is such an interesting thing to do, but at times, it feels like I am going crazy and I want to run away from it and sink back into my ego. Quoting: zippin
You can't help but be in the now. Where else can you be? Effort is not required. The effort is just a thought in the mind. The thought " to stay in the now required effort " is a trap. Man is not the doer so how can man do anything? Things are getting done yes but doing happens to man. Do you cause your heart to beat ? Do you control your body and all the trillions of cells in your body to function ? But of course the ego will say" I am in control. I have free will. I did this and I thought that" etc. All thoughts.
Just observe and seeing will happen.
The ego is always in the past and the future. Never ever in the present moment. Life is in the now. The mind is in the past or future. The past is dead and the future doesn't exist.
You are trying and that is the problem. Who is the one trying?? The who doesn't exist.There is no "self." It is a mental fabrication. An invention of the mind. You claim you are watching the thoughts. That is in itself a thought. Have you ever seen a thought? You already are assuming that a thought is real assuming a thought.No one has seen a thought even.Yes we have thoughts about a thought and that is conversation we are having. We have to use words. The mind labels. The words aren't the real deal. Words are just sounds translated. The mind receives the sound being heard and translates and interprets the sound from converted the sound into words. Man doesn't listen without
interpretation . He listens to his/her mind. There is nothing wrong with all this. It just is. The mind is doing it's job.
What is real is permanent and eternal. What is not real comes and goes. The world is an illusion says the sages.
An illusion doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It just doesn't exist as the mind says it does. But it all seems so real.
The illusion is so sophisticated and has most fooled. What the mind says about love isn't love. What the mind says about happiness is not happiness. Even the mind is an illusion.
I do relate about going mad. When this all came to me and I didn't cause it or willed it. It just happened. I have had quite a few meltdowns as I call them. Times when I didn't come out of my apartment for days. Beliefs and concepts ideas I held to for years started to drop like flies. I thought I was losing it.
We live in a world of thoughts. And in deep sleep the mind disappears.The world disappears. And then we wake up but we don't do anything. Waking happens. And then the mind kicks in and then problems begin. Am I going to be late for work? What am I going to do about my marriage? How am I going to pay my bills? The list goes on. All problems are in the mind and not in life. Life is a thoughtless and timeless state. NO problems in life. All in the mind. Just sharing. Take care.